Lazarus

Title

2010-05-23T23:55:00.000-07:00

Still not bothering with smart titles so there!

Well its been two months, seems my posts are becoming less regular.

Life just seems to rush us all by, its almost half way through the year, crazy. simply. crazy.

Well, i'm out of job, and have been for a month, its hard. really hard. since i was 15 i've been working, and to not have work for over a month is really hard. I, being a typical proud male, like to think i can look after myself and during this period have really had to lean on God, and he has taught me some hard lessons on my pride through this. I love my God, I love that he loves me, that He provides for me. He Provided me with $500 through this period through a good friend but basically told my freind not to give it to me until I asked her, and that. Was the lesson of pride. I absolutely hate asking for help from. Anyone. And that needed to change.

I can't get this thought of love off my mind. how do we truly know if we are in love? I believe its a personal judgement we have to make, we have to go with our heart, and our gut. And going into this thing, I can't see how anyone can do this without God. God gives guidance, thats all I can say. We cannot do these things on our own. I don't know how I could explain that to you if you are not a believer. I simply see it as fact.

Yesterday and all of saturday night, I was very sick. I do not know what it was, it was definitely not food poisoning. I didn't sleep at all Saturday, throwing up all night. And Sunday was throwing up most of what I ate except a few bits of toast. My stomach hurt a lot. And now. Strangely. I'm absolutely fine.

I can't help feel that God is trying to tell me something. My thought is of two things. And I lean to the one that speaks of me looking after my body. We are told that 'our body is the temple of God' and admittedly I don't look after my body. In reality i'm lucky I have not gained lots of weight.

Well I left this draft and got back to it as i was busy, last night at youth I spoke. And. Something. Was different, I personally believe I was on a whole other level that I haven't been to before. It was so unusual. I just felt.. Calm. At Peace. I can't describe it accurately with words. But yes. Youth was very good last night, very happy :)

Well I may indeed have a job now. Selling Sky TV, and I really look foward to it. I think I will really enjoy it and be challenged by it.

And.

My Funding application is in to the council now for New Years.

I'm really in an amazing space today, so many things have been stressing me, job, funding application, getting my message right for youth and just general everyday stuff. But. Now I feel so at peace.

I think that's about all I can say.

There's no deep thought or philosophy on my original thought tonight. Just.

Peace.

Title

2010-03-21T20:08:00.001-07:00

Couldn't think of a smart title this time, sorry.

this post is merely an update i guess.

Well the year started, i resolved to fast once a week and quickly forgot all about that once my busy routine of work, study and church got into full swing.

I was filled with. Joy. taking part in our new years event at church. what a blessing it was, what a great event it was. and now presently as we go forward in applying for council funding i seem busy with all this already having to have the application in by may 28th. in other words we need to have our budget done and dusted by that date.

Parachute was. Good. i feel for me that I'm a bit over the concert going art of my life. so in that sense i didn't enjoy it as much.

February came.
And went.

March began all the hecticness. not a word, but oh well.

Internship at church commenced, now on Friday's as it works better with youth.
Youth, that's right, I'm now leading the youth group with the youth coordinator so I'm involved in all the management level of things now, youth was a stress full kick off, dealing with a suicidal teenager before our first week had even started, along with the usual youth issues of boyfriends / girlfriends and all the complications this adds to the youth's friendships with each other.

Study has started now, and no more timely could it have been that we have covered biblical counselling. quite an intensive study, but so useful. now its all about the balance (when counselling non believers) displaying God's love and yet still giving good practical advice

Work, is well. its work.
Pretty much over it, too many little things getting me down about it, dishonesty, work etiquette, unreliability and so on. applied at 7 different places already.

on the verge of getting a new job is the hunt for a flat to stay at.

i feel that once i get a job, and place to stay, i will be moving into a new era in my life.

Spiritually. I've been.. quite still. I've concluded that i need to get out there and speak out more, i always talk about how important that is, i know all the scriptures but as James says "be doers of the word" so i need to take that word and apply it.

i also feel that the more i start to give God, the more that will allow him to give back into my life, with whatever he chooses to.

I must mention a moment i had recently.

I had this dawning of thought of simply abandoning all my involvement with the church, with anything christian. not for the motive of abandoning my faith but more so to sort it out. immediately i rebuked that thought, aware that the enemy was simply trying to get inside. i then realised, for so long i have been delaying things, evangelism, love and discipleship because I've been waiting till i get my own messed up life sorted. but it dawned upon me that I'll never be perfect, i expect far too much of myself and i need to walk in God's grace and love rather than placing expectations on myself that i cannot fulfill.

sigh...

over and out.

Knowing God

2009-11-29T01:11:00.000-08:00

Where oh where to start?

Let it be known that my last post is just as true now as it was then, one or two things have been sorted yet I am still in the same pruning period of my life.

Ever since two months ago, when I prayed to God “:Lord I only want to serve you in this life, do what you will to make that possible” God has been continually and consistently answering that prayer through the process of stripping things away in my life. To give a bit of background as to where I am currently requires me to inform you that I will be continuing my study next year as it is a two year course and I was originally planning on taking a year break to begin to apply what I have already learnt, Due to circumstantial reasons I will doing that next year as well as continuing with my current job. I applied for a job but it was not in God’s will,

It has become evident to me that God is preparing me for what he wants to use me for, what that is I do not know and cannot say, if anything, I am sure of this, that my God knows what he is doing and in this process of preparation I am joyful and yet sorrowful. I too wander how that is possible but I can say that it is only possible with God. As someone told me tonight, it’s a matter of taking up our cross and, in essence, it comes back to the Cross. God wants to literally crucify things in out life that will hold us back from his purpose in our life. In doing that I rejoice that God would even care to involve himself in my life in such a real way, yet I mourn in the pain of these things that I have grown to depend on, the love, to cherish are slowly stripped away. In all of this I bow in reverence to a God that is able to do such things with abundant grace and unfailing love.

In amongst all of this I know that God is trying to disciple me through discipline. In a message spoken God spoke to me about the importance of praying, fasting and giving. The very three areas I would not like to be honest about right now, and yet unknowingly the very three areas that will excel me closer to God, so that I can begin to know who he is and begin to be intimate with him in my everyday life.

Its scary that the Devil has gotten to these three areas and managed to convince me that although they are important they’re not worth worrying about. And in true genius of the Devil himself he has managed to do both at the same time.

I was setting at the beach tonight, watching the waves. I began to weep at the thought of a God who has created our planet in all its fury, all its rage. A God who gives the sun its flames, who has set every star in it place and knows each by name. The same God who destroyed the walls of Jericho , the God who parted the Red Sea and guided the Israelites with his holy fire. This God is the same God who subdues the very waves that I was watching, the waves that look so graceful yet have the capacity to cause so much tragedy and grief as we saw earlier this year in Samoa. This God loves us and withholds his righteous judgement due to the everlasting grace we have received from the cross

I have begun the journey of knowing God, of being intimate with him. I give not a single care as to whether I have the right theology, the right opinion on some hot discussion of the church. I give no value to how much I know about God or my knowledge of the scriptures, but more than all of this.

I desire to know God.

Stretched

2009-10-18T01:07:00.000-07:00

There are no words to start this thing off accurately.

Right now, I'm in a very good place yet a very broken place. I know your asking how that is possible so let me try give the run down of things that have been happening with me this month.

As much as I feel like naming names I know I will regret it later so I will respect that confidentiality.

God has been stretching me.

The one thing that comes to mind is the scripture
'the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord'

I look back on my last two years walking with God and know that he has been constantly giving and taking away and up until now I've been content with it. The number one thing God is doing in my life at this time is speaking to me about speaking to others. This morning I preached in church, I do not take any credit for it and in all honesty I don't think its as big of a deal as we make it out to be. Its a lot easier for us to preach in church, a safe environment, than to preach to complete strangers, a very unstable environment. On Saturday I went to a seminar on worship and it seems recently that God is wanting me to know the true meaning of worship. During the seminar we had a time where we all fell on our faces in worship, simply to be reverent to the Lord, to fear the Lord, to love the Lord and more than anything to let God break down our walls.

Words... cannot describe that moment for me.

God has been taking things away from me, things I did not think would matter, but through this he is giving me so much deeper revelation about what he wants for my life.
I have said the following so many times, but merely as I know its the right thing to say. But today, right now, I say this out of complete reverence for my God. I want to know his will, I want to do nothing but that will and I want to live for him. I cannot fathom this situation I am in, I know that suffering is a good thing and that only God can see the good out of this situation. I tell you now with complete assurance, had I known that this kind of suffering would come as a part of walking the walk of Christianity, I would never have signed up. And that. Is the great dilemma, people want good news, and there is good news, but it doesn't come without suffering, without sacrifice and that is the Gospel that we have to sell to this world.

My heart, is so heavy. My soul, in so much confusion and pain. My mind under so much attack. I dream and plea that one day I could have the faith anywhere near that of Job in the Bible. This to me seems like a big deal, and yet when I compare it, its nothing. It is but dust..

These tears I cry cannot express my situation. and my situation in sum up is this.

I thank God, I Adore him for having mercy on me, for even wanting to be a part of my life and challenging me, convicting me, bringing me into new places.

And yet my other half says to give up, asks how on earth I'm going to deal with this? it says that I cannot do this in my own strength. And. I plan not to.

I know that one day, I will look back on this and smile, knowing that where I am in that day was directly influenced by this season in my life. I know that I have had my good season in the faith, I have been reaping so much for so little. And now, more than ever I feel that there is more to come, more pain, more conviction, more challenge.

Its funny, God warned me. After getting a revelation through scripture and having some amazing alone time and worship with my Lord I felt so strongly that something big was coming, something that was going to shake me, and that very same night it all started.

God I trust in you.

And that.

Is all I can do.

GetSmart Get Revolutionised

2009-07-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

I was going to write this when I got home (two days) but I figured it was best to post it asap so that i would have fresh memory of everything.

Where on earth do I start? my my what a massive few days it has been, getting up 5:30on the Monday (13-07-09) to catch my flight, getting to the car in christchurch only to spend half an hour defrosting it (didn't know blocks of ice could get a warrant.)
Spent the day at university with my friends (I even went to two lectures, one involving a dog, and the other batman!) and then the first night at Get Smart youth conference 2009. Now I hate to be the one that needs a conference for God to speak to me, and I say that we should all be in preayer and petition with him everyday anyway. However I also note the importance of God wanting to speak through people to a group of youth with expectant hearts, hearts of willingness to surrender to God's will. Now after 3 days and 4 nights of getsmart here is a basic sum up of the events.

I have seen... incredible worship and I put a pause in there because there is no way to describe the worship, it was as though God (allthough he was already there) came down and touched us with his heart, his glory and as if we were totally in awe of his splendour and might. so much so that the noise of everything simply became a way of expressing how worthy he is of every ounce of energy we can give him. Just as David danced with ALL his might, so should we.

Live's changed, now this comes into so many arenas, firstly I would have to mention the emotional change in peoples lives, the emotional healing of God coming into their situation and completely freeing them of all restrictions. not only that but the faith of these youth as they praised God despite everything that was going on in their lives, praised him despite the hurt and pain they were enduring. Not only this but physical healing also, to see (once again) people healed of physical pain that was holding them down, taunting them is a thing like no other. Not only that but since doing my studies this year I am starting to strongly believe that healings, prophecy, words of knowledge and every other gift from God is NOT for the person behind the pulpit and this conference affirmed that theological truth when the pastor healed two young girls and then asked them to heal others, and they did. Trough all of this healing there is northing less than great empowerment and inspiration coming through the holy spirit, changing peoples lives to tell them to not hold back but to speak the word in their heart, not to wait for the thunder and lightning but to use what is in their hand (given to them from God) to pour out onto others lives.

I feel so overwhelmed to talk about these events as really I would have to write a whole book just to tell of God's power and annointing on this conference. Anyway now to the more personal side. It would seem that even though I entered this conference thinking that 'I'm outta school and won't get as much out of this as I did last year' God would soon enough slap me in the face and tell me to wake up. As I mentioned he spoke this and slapped me through other people bringing his word. For the whole of this year and since I left school I have been saying "ok God I'm available now, what do you want to do with my life?" thats not to say I wasn't trying to make myself available beforehand.. but.. well you get my point. And since I have been doing this it means I have not 'actively' been pursuing what God has in store for me, rather; I have been putting what I call 'trust' in God to speak to me and to guide me on his path's. But just as Moses was aked "whats in your hand?" it seems God has not so subtly asked me that these last few days. So long I have been waiting for God to give me something to work with and forgetting that I already have been given so much by him to work with, and that's what is in my hand.

I now have a dream For this year to accomplish and plan to get straight to it when i get back into the motion of everything in Wellington. At the moment its between me and the big fella but I know its a dream from him for several reasons of which is also between me and him. More than anything right now I need to hear a vision statement from God for this dream so that I can align it with his vision, and i'm not going to sit and wait for it this time, i'm going to ask him about it (prayer) and i'm going to search for it (Word.)

It seems the other main thing God has been prompting me about is Evangelism, and that it doesn't need to be scary, or a big deal about getting the person saved. But its more about me playing my role in that persons walk with God. I have been studying evangelism for my study, and reading enough about it, and hearing enough sermons on it that is feels as if God is saying "you're equipped now get a move on"

I don't know where to begin with prayer, but I can say that God has nudged me AGAIN on it, and I feel rather pitiful that he has had to do it so many times before I took him seriously and took action on it.

Oh the joys of being Human

Finding Faith

2009-06-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

Its helps to turn off the TV when posting so that one can focus :)

My goodness where to start..

Well while I've been doing my study every Wednesday night I have been thoroughly enjoying it, and finding at times that its too much to process to be doing every week.
Anyway, the previous topic we covered was called 'life of faith' which I thought would be great and... it was.

Faith is certainly not the easiest topic to write on so I ask for your graces when reading.

The Dictionary defines faith as "complete trust or confidence in someone or something"
The Bible defines faith as "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things unseen"

so from that starting point lets build (blog)

whilst hearing the lectures about faith the issue came up about the dictionary's definition of 'complete trust or confidence' and I had to start asking myself "do I have COMPLETE trust and / or confidence in my God?" and its at that point that I realised that when I break down my life into everything I do, I have very little trust in God or confidence that he will provide for me when the time is right. it seems the very fact that I have an income shows that I do not trust in him. That is keeping in mind that very few will have the faith required or be called to voluntarily live in poverty. the fact that more than half my prayer life is dedicated to things I want shows that I don't trust God to supply these things when he wills it. I believe for all of us who walk with the Lord need to honestly assess our lives on a day to day basis of how much we trust God, and how much confidence we have in him. As a result of this I have had strong conviction about my reading habits, my prayer habits and in general my attitude towards many many things.

Now for the Bibles definition, and as you can imagine this will be fairly longer.
'The assurance of things hoped for', now assurance is something we gain when we are sure of something, when we are confident that 'x' situation will result in 'y' outcome type of thing. So how does this relate to God or our walk with him? In the ideal situation this means that we are assured of the things we hope for, whether that be going to heaven, God saving our close friend or simply a personal revelation from him, these are things that, rightly, we expect to some degree in our walk of faith. Therefore these are the things we are hoping for, so this means for us that faith is our assurance, that we have no doubt because we are sure of what is going to happen. so then comes the situation when we don't get what we hoped for, maybe we don't get that pay rise we have been praying about to help cope with increasing mortgage payments, or food prices. maybe the friend we prayed healing for dies of cancer. What then? this is where we need to understand that the dictionary's definition is actually very biblical in itself. in these situations (and as you would agree they are fairly common) we need to have complete confidence in Gods plan for us, and for those affected by such a situation. After all he is God, he knows all and created all. to have doubt is perfectly human and there are such times at which we need to yell at God, where we need to ask God "why?" where we need to express ourselves to him because those times are when we are laying things at his feet and in our hearts we are saying 'God I can't understand this, I can't believe this. Please help me understand, help my disbelief.' The bible talks of 'faith like a mustard seed' now if you understand how small a mustard you will understand the influence of this passage as its basically implying 'look here the minimum, and its very very low' so then we need to be able to work with that minimum we need to be able to grow on it, strengthen it. There’s no use praying for muscles (faith) if you're not going to work out the little muscles (faith) you already have. its only when we put stress on our muscles and USE them that they grow.

'Conviction of things unseen' when somebody receives a conviction, whether it be from God or from a police officer we know that they are guilty of something and that they know now firmly that that certain area needs to be addressed. So then to have a conviction of things unseen is like what we see in the minority report where people are convicted of crimes they are yet to commit. The argument is 'but I never did it' and the proposal is 'Yes but we know you intend to.' so then from this we can take that faith is guilt of things (sins) we are yet to do. the basis for this statement is that we know we are sinful by nature, we know with complete confidence that no matter how good we try to be we will always fall and slip up.

Faith really is not by any means a human attribute which is why it is commonly referred to as the 'currency of heaven' and which is probably why it is the most common area in which Christians struggle, myself and probably anyone reading included. it is the area of which Satan wants to attack the most as he knows that without we are nothing, and without it God cannot connect with us, and us with him.

So then the other thing we need to be asking ourselves is how healthy is our faith?
we need to look at our lives with honesty and integrity asking God to reveal to us any areas at all that we may be slipping.

The result of all this thought in my life the last few weeks has been difficult for me to undergo and yet humbling to a degree where I need to be integris in all that I do and my approach (or attitude) to the things that engulf my life.

Discerning Death

2009-05-21T03:33:00.000-07:00

You must be getting sick of the acronyms?

It seems that for the past three weeks I have had some dealing with death, and on top of that issue life.

The first incident was on a Tuesday when I had to put down my dog who I grew up with. The Second was the same week where I had a dream that my best friend of many years had died and this is significant only because I accredit this dream to the holy spirit (will elaborate further soon.) The third was when I had found out that my soccer coach for 2008 had passed away. The fourth was hearing of the tragic death of a former Youth that went to our youth group who died in her sleep.

In 2007 I had to deal with my first loss of a loved one and I must say that I coped reasonably well, so its certainly not as if I have not had to deal with death before in my life. But this time felt different, it felt like a way to give my life direction, it felt like a kick in the butt by God. I mentioned that dream of a close mates funeral and as I woke that morning this daunting feeling hit me as if a voice in my head asking ‘now what are you going to do with your life?’ the normal voice would have said something like ‘what a tragedy, it will make you stronger’ but this felt more convicting than anything else. The feeling that accompanied that thought / voice was one of urgency as I remember vividly that rather than feeling grief for the loss of my friend in this funeral I felt regret. Regret that I would never see him again. Never.

I say this because of the beliefs I hold which are of a Christian influence and I need not say more for you to draw your own conclusions but all this thought of death really got me thinking about how I’m going to live my life and it brings to mind a very humble quote from the movie “The Shawshank Redemption” which said that we better ‘get busy living, or get busy dying.’ Too often in life our focus in on things, things that apparently please us and give us comfort, things that cost money, things that hypnotise us with their entertainment, with their accessorised glamour or that we try to attain a feeling, a feeling of true love, of true joy or true peace. It is not the least bit coincidental that at a funeral we go about explaining what the departed did with his or her life and after watching ‘the Bucket List’ for the second time I thought I would write my own bucket list and lo and behold the list was mostly full of things or feeling that we think will allow us to live life.

I have always said that the thing I fear the most would be to not live my life to the full, and immediately I imply that we have some sort of measure by which we live our lives, as if to say that the homeless man on the sidewalk has not lived as much as the rich man who travels the world, climbing mountains, skydiving and visiting pyramids yet we fail to see the circumstances that surround this as I have just pointed out with the obstacle of money. I would say that subconsciously we have accepted that our surplus of money discerns how much we ‘live life’

It seems that no matter how hard we try to ‘live life’ we are always stopped by circumstances, by things that intrude and enforce their way into our lives. It’s the love of money, the love of things that we are all entrapped by, even though it is temporal, even though these items of desire serve no purpose once we are gone from this world we still have a desire to seek them. I propose that within this desire we seek meaning, we have a hope that our life will not be in vain if we enjoy it whilst we still can. We seek to have a purpose to our life, to influence others and leave a legacy behind so that our own personal ethics and good deeds will live on past our own selfish desire for things.

It is too true that life is fragile, those of you who have ever been to a funeral or witnessed a horrific car crash will understand when I say that we are but a sheet of glass that will always be broken and as we try to repair ourselves we look for meaning to all this suffering, we look for a reason why life is so painful, why its so hard and we ask ‘why me?’

My brother once shared a poem with me that has had a lot of influence on my life and how I wish to live it out, it’s a short but sweet poem. One that captures the answer to all of those questions, one that offers us a fleeting glimpse of what our life is for and what is to come in our next life.

“Only one life
T’will soon be past
Only what’s done for Christ
Will Last”

I need not say much more than to simply give you this poem and pray that it will impact your life as it has influenced mine, but I must ask you two more questions.
They are questions that the Egyptians believe they would be asked by the Gods as they reached the gates of heaven, and the answer would impact whether they were admitted or not, I believe that these questions as just as Christian as they are Egyptian.
Have you found Joy in your life? And if so have you bought Joy to others?

Convincing Convictions

2009-03-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

Well recently I’ve been delaying a post quite simply because I have had a lot going on.

Well as per my beautiful alliterate title (not too rare is it?) you will probably figure that God has been convicting me of a few things since I last posted, I think tonight I will cut down the ‘jibber jabber’ and get right to the meat of the issue.

My Study : This so far has been truly great, we have just finished the first segment of discipleship and the most important thing I have learned is that discipleship starts with evangelism, to me this is great. Now I always knew where the bible stood on evangelism but I have never really taken it seriously enough to take into action. This has opened my eyes to the fact of the matter that this is our very obligation and it should be all we live for. Many of us (myself included) think bad things when fronted with that word, we think; Standing on street corners yelling ‘repent repent’ we think of the disgruntled resident who yells ‘stop shoving your religion down my throat’ followed by a nice loud slamming door, we think of the great burden it brings upon us and how sometimes its not worth the struggle. Fact is that most of this is in our head and besides if we are not prepared to suffer for Christ we need to take a serious check on our faith.

World Vision : From previous posts (I think) you will know that I was immensely involved in the 40 hour Famine last year at my school, Well I have just come back from this years Student Leadership Camp (SLC) and have probably taken back more from it than I did last year, the main reason being that last year when I attended as a student rather than a leader I was not expecting at all to be the one organising it last year. So I did not listen as much as should have or could have. For me this has just reminded me once again just how much need there is out there, to hear all the stories, to see all the pictures and to know many more statistics has certified in me that this is one of my callings. I once again feel obliged to do something, not just sponsor a child (as I already am) but to do something big, to travel and work in these countries and to maximise my change in these places of poverty.

Now here stands my two most convincing convictions at the present time.
Firstly I have the choice to further my evangelism and help in saving people to Christ for an eternity. But on the other hand is it right to pursue this and disregard the pure evil that goes on all around the world, with billions of people in poverty, millions with AIDS, millions with no food, shelter, clean water and in some cases no parents. Can I really disregard the fact that 13-15 y/o girls are being enslaved in brothels to make money for some rich business man. Am I really entitled to push aside the fact that every 15 seconds a child, like you and me, will die of starvation or of AIDS or of disease that takes as much as it costs to buy a coffee to help. Can I ignore the strongest feeling of heartbreak I have ever felt when I saw that photo of the child with such a look in her eyes that literally said ‘I have no hope’?

I strongly feel that this will be a massive defining moment in my life as to what I will do for the years to come, I can only pray with confidence and trust that the Lord will guide me along the path he so desires to see me walk. I would just like to emphasise that for me this is BIG, to me this is almost unfair to choose between the two but I know that the Lord provides seasons and times for everything, there will be a time to celebrate, to mourn, to grieve, to evangelise and to spread hope.
But now is the time for prayerful thinking and consideration.

Screaming Silence

2009-03-07T19:48:00.001-08:00

It would seem that recently God has indeed been speaking to me about my time management habits and more than that the noise I make in this time. Its seems evident to me that I would rather turn up the music (whether it be Christian artist or not) than lie on my bed in absolute silence and prayer waiting on the whisper of God’s voice. Even as I type now I have the music playing.

So what is it about us that makes us so uneasy when we are silent, we all have had that time with someone where something was said and then it was followed by a long awkward silence but I have to ask, is it awkward because of the silence or silent because of the awkward statement made? It could well be both.

Its very hard to obtain true silence today, try it right now, turn of all music and close all doors, you will hear the buzzing of your computer or the sound of a sander outside, or the sound of cicadas. It seems that as hard as we try it is very hard to obtain true silence in today’s world but my other objection is if we were to obtain it what would we do with it? Would we start talking to fill it? Or start thinking weird thought’s?
Silence truly is a valuable thing and in 1 Kings 19:11ff we read

“The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

Here we see that God was not in the things that would make the most sound, but in this instance of Elijahs personal connection with God, God is in the ‘gentle whisper’ I may be taking this out of context and please notify me if you think I am but I belive that this means that for us and our personal times with God we need to learn how to “Be still” and know that he is God. (Psalm 46:10) after a while we begin to notice how everything is so loud but we seem to prefer this noise over the pure silence. I do not think many of us are able to sustain such silence very easily and if we do it would seem that our impatience gets to us before we get to the silence

So often we all get caught up in the rush of life and in the noise of worship and praise and rarely do we make the effort to have quiet times, to simply take a break from life, to separate ourselves from our present sufferings and sins and to clear our head from all devious thoughts. I truly take my head off to those that meditate properly because it is the art of clearing ones head from all thoughts. I challenge you right now to try lean back in your chair and do absolutely nothing for 30 seconds, no movements, no thoughts.

Its hard isn’t it? And that is why I commend those that meditate not because of what it represents but because they are able to obtain a silence that so few of us get to experience, a silence that is soothing to the soul, a silence that in itself seems to speak volumes to us.

May God give you this soothing silence, may you be able to hear his whispering voice in the outrageous noise of everyday and may we all teach our ears to hear the things that truly matter, that is.

God’s voice.

Purposeful Prayers

2009-02-21T17:52:00.001-08:00

Prayer. its always been a difficult are for me, not only because I have to make an effort to actually do it but also because of the (what would seem to us) pointlessness of it. I often think, why bother God knows all our thoughts and choses our words before we even speak them.

but recently I have been getting too many answered prayers to ignore this matter any longer. its not that I don't understand the importance of it or the theology behind it its more to do with the fallibility of my own thought train and my infinite stupidity with comparism to his all-knowing intelligence.

some prayers that have been answered recently for me.
a friend of whom I was praying for, specifically praying that God would make her more interested in my faith so I would have an opportunity to share with her. text me asking 'what made you believe in god'
a person (extreme atheist) that I used to debate with online and prayed a few times that my words would plant seeds into his heart to see him living for Jesus. recently declared his faith for god
the car issues I seem to never escape from I prayed that god would deal with them, rather than me myself trying to fix the problems myself. a Christian brother text me about getting rid of the car for me and only because he saw my parachute bumper sticker and knew I was a fellow brother.

I have had a constant struggle with the idea of leaving god in control of my life, it is only human to want some degree of control in our life because otherwise we feel unsafe, its that degree of uncertainty that scares us. its the thought of what will go wrong that intimidates us, and yet when we think that we are saying to god that we don't trust him to look after us. we are saying that we know better than him and yet it seems every time we take these things into our hands things go wrong, whether it be the small mundane things that irritate us, or the big problems that leave us emotionally burned up again.

I want to share with you a blog thought of the friend online (and now fellow brother)

“Penetrating Perplexity For The Unrequited Dream

Our inner desires inoculated in an elaborate scheme
For the time being it's merely initial sanity evolving into a dream
I've found myself going off the deep end, building everything on a rigid frame
With no self-assurance, I am completely drained

Is it wise to sit around lost?
Is it foolish to redefine cost?

I've stared fearfully for far too long
I have been so weary for so long
and now it is time to penetrate that hazy fog
that fog that has kept me in check for so long”

it would seem that at this point this ex-atheist is drained by the arguments and probably inquiring as to why we are so persistent. It appears at this point that he is unsure of his previous beliefs and wants to ‘penetrate the hazy fog’ the hazy fog that is Christianity in all its complexities.

And now the second blog of his.

“A Seemingly Infinite Road To Bliss

Sometimes I feel just like a gerbil, running around and around in his wheel. Not acknowledging the reality of everything, I'm trapped in this infinite facade of yet another false sense of security on this endless carousel. The characterless vessel of that insensitive, unimaginably uncaring, malevolent, sinister succubus has me paralyzed from the familiar fear of an inevitable, unbearable fall. Her nonsensicalness was obvious, palpable even, but my adolescent, wishful ways have me doomed to attempt to penetrate the obvious reality which imprisons us all.

I don't usually hit the ground running, but then again, it is seldom that I am exuberant with my movements. In random fits of rage I express great vigor, but in dangerous ways. I may sporadically find myself unconsciously putting on a smile as a facade covering up a long history, as well as a recent one, of dreaded memories that I look dispiritedly back upon, but the sad truth still remains. This equation is lacking a certain variable. The substance requires a solvent, or else it is worthless, meaningless. I've admitted defeat to an imaginary antagonizer, asking, begging for a place back home. "Home", being an establishment of a comfortable setting, but anything other than a place of origin. The past is incorrigible, and the future is that of total chaos unless something is done "now". "Now" is a gift, that is why it is called "the present". If I cannot break the barrier of my own disease then I will do anything I can to offer whatever I can to society. If I can't help myself, then that is just the way the cookie crumbles.”

I feel unworthy of ‘analysing’ this as it is his testimony and deserves to be unchanged and not tampered with. All I can say is that it is evident that he has now come to a certain realisation and has humbled himself to be willing to serve others (his last line)

I praise God for his testimony and pray that God continues to work in his life in conforming him to Christ

Already he is facing persecution from his ‘friends’ and I feel in my heart that he will be a great man of God.

Back to the prayer thing… it seems evident that out of the genuine motives God will answer your prayers, whether it takes him 40 years (the case of Abraham) or a mere week (my case this last week)

I believe we need to check our faith if we place any doubt in God, he is the God that created the heavens and the earth, placed every star in its place and calls it by name, knows us inside out and every hair on our head, moulded the mountains so his waters could flow into the depths of his shaped oceans which evaporate and freeze into millions of snowflakes that he designs and then fall again into our civilisation that we have very much tainted.

That goes for me just as much as it does for any reading. We need to place God in total control of our life and let go of our pride, our selfish ambitions, our sense of security that we falsely attain from being in control and I say falsely because we are never secure in our own strength. We never shall be.

What is your Parachute?

2009-02-04T20:57:00.000-08:00

Well its been a fair period since I wrote, but I think due to my title you understand where I may go with today’s post. \\

Let me start with this, I recently went to a music festival called Parachute which is held every year at Mystery Creek in Hamilton New Zealand and I simple loved it, just like last year it was a great kick start for the new year and I left refreshed and motivated to get closer to God, not long after however I needed a new car, in the purchase of a car I was familiar with for a very decent price I felt great. However it is evident now that I began to lose my focus on God. Just last night I managed to crash this car, the same way as last time by taking my eyes off the road for 2 maybe even 1 second and then not braking whilst doing so. You do the math.

I’ll be frank and honest, it was a massive shock to my system and I felt like a complete failure, after the financial hole the last incident burnt in me I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again but in all of this I am trying to keep in mind Romans 8;28 in knowing that I love God and therefore all things that happen to me or around me work for good. It was hard and to be blunt I was doubting God that he would work this for good and in actuality its only been one day I do not know how he is going to work this whole situation for my good but I know this. God wants me to simplify my life, my life that is cluttered with so much media, so much materialisation, so much technology, so much money, so much anger all around me. Just so much added things that do nothing but kill time and this I believe is the initial reason for my second crash. I’m not going to lie I'm still very gutted and feel like a failure but I’m doing my utmost to leave it at God’s feet and ‘take on the yolk of Jesus, for his burden is light’ (can someone remind me what scripture that is? Its been in my head but no idea where to look for it in the NT)

During Parachute I began to get a glimpse of why it was named so, all the bands there, all the staff and crew that make this event happen all have one parachute that is their saving grace, that is Jesus. And as I offload on my notes on my Ipod I begin to think about what our parachutes are in life? I saw a sunrise for the first time in a long time while at parachute and it was stunning and after worship on Sunday night I could not help but think of the song ‘this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine’ because I came to a firmer realisation of my light that I carry. As well as the depth of darkness that some people live in and I began to think of how I need to let my own light shine into their darkness so that they can share my parachute that is Jesus and land safely.

I know what its like to not land safely, the crash and fall in life and emotionally it hurts probably as much as literally falling of a roof (not to mention that happened to me yesterday also, came far too close to breaking my neck) I can relate to people when they talk of how life is crap, how no matter how hard they try they always seem to end up sad and alone at the end of the day. I can understand the pain people feel when they feel like every relationship they get into they have their heart broken. I know the emptiness that comes along with drug abuse (including alcohol) the sad sad need for a temporary fix only to see your whole life falling, with no Parachute. I have had the parachute of alcohol, I have had the parachute of following the crowd, I have had the parachute of depression in hope of people loving me, I have had the parachute of relationships. They all had holes and didn’t break my fall at the end of the day.

My question to you today is what is your Parachute in life? I seem to be ending these things a lot recently with challenges and questions to the reader but hey change is good. So take this seriously, observe your own life personally and ask yourself, what parachutes have I tried? Which have failed? Which have worked? I can tell you with complete confidence the only reason I’m not dwelling in self pity and depression the very day after my second crash is because I have the parachute of Jesus.

I pray that God will continue to simplify my life and that he may give you the same parachute I now carry.

Grace and Peace be with you.

Thoughts

2009-01-14T17:49:00.000-08:00

Hmm I must get out of the mindset of setting high standards for what I post up here.
I seem to lose way too many (precious) thoughts from those high standards, so here is one of those 'thoughts' I have had today.

Romans 8:28 says
'And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them that are called according to his purpose' (KJV)

As I was upset this morning I went to have a bath as very often it is very good thinking space for me. This scripture popped into my head as I struggled with one small issue of life.

My thought's on this scripture is as follows; the first dilemma we face is once again our limited human understanding, it's extremely hard for me to fathom that ALL things work TOGETHER for good, if I love God and my friend commits suicide what do I gain from that? that’s a more easily answered one but what about the family who lost a husband in the 9/11 attacks, if they genuinely love God how what do they gain from that? Not only that but this scripture states that they work TOGETHER for good, the implication I get from this is that my misfortune and the misfortune of another individual that loves God both work together for both our benefit. Moreover we must consider the extremity of the word 'all' this means that EVERYTHING I do works for the good of God, whether it be feeding the dog or sharing a friends burden, they both work equally for the good of God. in fact looking at the verse again, I see that it says 'things' now what on earth does it means by things? as in the clothes on my body, or the works of my hand? or the thoughts of my mind? or the direction of my heart? or what? that just an added factor to looking at this verse.

I must stop to acknowledge that I’m not exactly doing an accurate exegesis here, but in all honesty verses 27-29 I could probably write an essay on and still not get the right view of it however if you want to look at it in context feel free to read those three verses.

now as for the latter part of the verse 'to them that are called according to God's purpose' now I think for me the major standing issue of this is do we actually know God's purpose? we get glimpse of his purpose in his word but that is only his purpose for me, you, for planet earth. our finitely small understanding of our God and of our universe leaves me aghas every time and I must take into factor about what will be gods purpose after the second coming? was his purpose the same before creation? was it the same during king David? king Solomon? Jesus' death and resurrection?

I was recently listening to a sermon by Brian Houston who noted that we are given so many talents and abilities from God but it is only when we focus in on one that we do it well, and that what is in your hand (eg your passions and talents) will be your callings from God. so my simple question is how do we discern what gift is right for a certain time? prayer is one answer but I do not think God ever wanted us to be puppets who call on their master for everything, there is to a certain extent our own decision our own free will that we must deal with and carefully go about.

so in a quick sum up

Romans 8:28 says
'And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them that are called according to his purpose'

I think the first question we need to ask ourselves is do we love God?
then we can go on to ask, what are the things in your life that will work for the good of God? What are your callings? and what is God's purpose?

for me the answers are as follows.

Yes, all things, poverty, youth, discipling and I can only guess that Gods purpose is to love the ones I will reach and conform myself and others to Christ.

The Alcoholic Pandemic

2009-01-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

This will be more like an essay on the consumption and culture of the alcoholic society we seem to live in. that is a generalisation I acknowledge the minority of us who either don't drink or know how to have a 'social drink' recent news reports show New Zealand's leading alcohol experts calling it a pandemic hence the title for this post.

I always tend to find myself puzzled as to where to begin with any essay I tend to write, so how about that for an ice breaker. I hope that this piece of writing will open the eyes of those “drinkers” who refuse to call themselves “alcoholics” and my desire is for it to address not only the culture of drinking in New Zealand but also the results of such drinking whilst offering Personal and Professional opinions on the matter itself.

I Personally have been ‘sober’ for over a year and can remember the vivid night that literally scared me into temperance. The night started off as any other would, casual drinking by the bonfire with friends, amongst story swapping of the last time we were drinking. The night went on and we all began to feel a little happier as you do after consuming “a few cold ones” a few hours too fast. To cut a potentially very long story short my last memory from that night is running down the road after smashing a friends bottle of beer yelling “why are you drinking that (insert expletive here)” the next moment I was waking up. My friends however tell me that I was awake and running around for a good 40 minutes after that instance and that was one of the scariest realisations of my short lifetime. The thought that my body could literally be possessed by alcohol even though I myself recall no conscious moments during that time. I do look back on that and say to people that I was possessed, This story would be all too familiar for too many people tonight who even on a Sunday feel the urge to drink.

For myself personally my view now is that It is purely a waste of time and money if you are going to use your alcohol as I did that night, now for some professional opinion on the matter. Dr Doug Sellman, director of New Zealand’s National Addiction Centre and professor of psychiatry and addiction medicine at the university of Otago says “Alcohol stimulates opioid receptors in the brain to produce an opioid effect along the lines of ‘being a wonderful person living in a wonderful world’, not too dissimilar to taking heroin or morphine.” I think it is fair to say that any educated person would acknowledge the fact that alcohol is a drug and as we can see here it has the obvious effects of a drug in having some symptoms similar to the drug Heroin. The obvious inclination and objection from “those who refuse to call themselves alcoholics” is that this drug is not as bad as the others. This may not be the case though, I did fail to find a comparism of drug related deaths to alcohol related deaths that is ignoring the obvious mistake of not classing alcohol as a drug however the police website has informed me that “The misuse of alcohol imposes huge costs on New Zealand, conservatively estimated in the billions of dollars each year” said Assistant Commissioner Howard Broad. Lets not overlook the use of the word conservatively in that segment, Billions meaning more than one or two billion it may be fair to say that the reason for not disclosing the actual amount is because of their own personal disgust, that or they simply can’t accurately state it. Now that is in comaparism to the misuse of drugs, which I would say in all cases would be a misuse. The police website informs me that “Illicit drug use in 2006 caused an estimated $1.3 billion worth of social costs.” Now to clarify any discrepancies, the quote from Howard Broad stated each year, and this states in 2006, so lets go on the assumption of using 2006 as our common denominator. It is clearly evident that the cost to our nation for alcohol is more than that of all other drugs in use. The news report of 11th Jan 09 stated that there are now more than 1000 alcohol related deaths every year, whether this be a drunk driver (a) killing an innocent motorist (b) both ‘a’ and ‘b’ fall under the category of ‘alcohol related.’ Recent studies show that of the 25,000 offenders omitted for drink driving in New Zealand a mere 5% of those were remanded for alcoholic counselling and in light of Australia’s, Britains and Canada’s sentencing of 12 months disqualification New Zealand law only dishes out a 6 month disqualification from driving. some say this is a result of the accessibility of alcohol and the 18 year old restriction.

I suppose that paragraph was indeed long enough to sustain itself, the next issue to approach is the effect to our health that alcohol has on us. We must first look at what alcohol is made of and what general effects it has on us, many of us are aware of the taste of alcohol itself but I think less of us are aware that “alcohol contains a lot of calories. In fact, Alcohol is closer to fat than carbohydrate, in terms of calories per gram” so for those wanting to maintain that “summer slim body” I recommend a fruit smoothie rather than a cold beer next time. Dr Sellman is also aware of the common fact that the symptoms that one may feel in the midst of his or her hangover such as shakiness, dysphoria, sweating or a headache are symptoms mirroring that of a alcoholic in withdrawal. So if you’re looking for a 100% effective way of avoiding the ‘headache in the morning’ try avoiding alcohol. It works every time. For those of you thinking of the age old “glass of red wine a day” road to good health I am privileged to be the messenger in that you are being sold a false message. In a 2005 report on the ‘Burden of Alcohol’ Professor Rod Jackson and Dr Jennie Connor reported that “alcohol contributed to 1037 deaths but prevented 981 deaths in 2000, leading to a net loss of about 56 lives” not too bad in light of my earlier comment on 1000 deaths a year, but conveniently Connor and Jackson have converted that to years of life so “17,200 years of life were lost as a result of alcohol related deaths and only 5300 years were saved, leading to a net loss of 12,000 years of life due to alcohol in one year.” I believe the common objection on peoples minds right now would be “yeah but surely lots of that is due to injuries and drink driving right?” well yes you are right, but despite that “a staggering 24% were from cancer” and now you’re thinking “alcohol… cancer?.... do explain.” Heres how Jennifer Bowden explains it; “The ethanol in alcoholic drinks is a human carcinogenic, according to the International Agency for Cancer Research, so irrespective of the type of alcohol consumed, there is an increased risk of several different cancers. The risk of breast cancer, colorectal (in men), oesophageal, mouth, pharynx and larynx cancer all increase with alcohol consumption.” Wellington hospital physician Geoffrey Robinson says “some women have developed cirrhosis after a relatively moderate intake of three to four glasses of alcohol a day” so it is evident that there are quintessentially no positive health effects of drinking alcohol. To be blunt about it Jackson who is a university of Auckland cardiovascular disease expert says “there probably isn’t a level of alcohol consumption where you get health benefits without harm. Its pretty unlikely that people who have up to a couple of drinks a day are going to get any substantial harm, but its very unlikely they’re getting any benefits” so next time you pick up that glass of red wine make the toast to good health rather than thinking that same glass is good for your health.
A few years ago a world renowned physician said this of alcohol “If alcohol were invented today it would be available only on prescription, and then only from hospital pharmacies” he added that alcohol remained the safest and most readily available and cheapest tranquilliser known to mankind. Garth George states that “therein lies the enigma of alcohol: on the one hand the cup that cheers and relaxes the almost indispensable to social intercourse (and often sexual intercourse too), and on the other a mind-altering chemical, a brain poison and a highly addictive drug” the truth of that statement is pretty self explanatory but now may be an appropriate time to add the issue of sexual intercourse whilst drunk, lets be honest, we would rather not think of it. Gone are the days of our forefathers were sex was a pure act only to be had with your life partners, the term one night stand amongst our youth of today (not discluding myself) is purely known as, going to a club and after a few drinks finding a complete stranger and taking him of her home to “indulge with” and dispensing the relationship the next morning. Being a Christian myself my main dilemma with this is the oblivious and complete disregard for any moral standards whatsoever. George also states that “excessive drinking, particularly among young people, has always been with us, but as outlets have proliferated and the legal drinking age has been progressively lowered, the problem has become exponentially greater.” In 1999 the National Government lowered the drinking age to 18 George wrote that he “hoped those who promoted it would be prepared to meet the social and economic costs that would surely follow.” – “yet no government has been prepared to follow the lead of other governments around the world which have faced the same dilemma and made sensible moves, such as returning the legal age to 21 and, in France, closing tens of thousands of outlets.” George also touches on the advertising of alcohol saying that “there is supposed to be some self-regulation about the advertising of booze, but it surely is a sham. Some of that advertising is utterly reprehensible, inhumanly aimed as it is at young men who want to be seen as macho ad at young women who want to be seen as sexy.” And on that note I would like to mention some recent findings of experts from around the world. Binge drinking for men can reduce testosterone levels which can lead to man breasts, so next time a mate says ‘man up and finish that beer’ think about the size of his chest, or yours. As for the proliferated advertising targeting women I think we have just about covered the issue of weight gain due to high calorific quantities in alcohol, in fact women overseas research has shown that “women are more likely to become alcoholics than men” and this is due to you having less dehydrogenase – the enzyme in the lining of the stomach which helps break down the ethanol – and less body water then men. Which is parallel to the common thought that women are easily intoxicated due to their smaller body and muscle size.

George wants a call for a realignment in the advertising of alcohol asking the nauseating question “why are the products of the booze barons not required to carry warning labels on the bottles as cigarette packets have been required to do for years? Such as: Alcohol can kill. Alcohol can cause you to stop breathing. Alcohol can stop your heart. Alcohol can rot your brain. Alcohol can destroy your liver. Alcohol during pregnancy can damage your baby. Alcohol can make you vulnerable to predators. Alcohol causes road accidents. Alcohol can drive you to suicide.” Personally I cannot agree more, Alcohol is just another drug that has indeed been taken by those that would like a cheap “hit” or “high”. But the news is not all bad, Simon Collins reports that “the National Government will look again at raising the legal drinking age from 18 to 20 this year. New Justice Minister Simon Power, who voted to keep the age at 18 when it last came up in 2006, said it would be considered again in the local context of a bill to give local councils more control of liquor outlets. The Sale and Supply of Liquor and Liquor Enforcement Bill was introduced by the former Labour Government last August and has been picked up without change by the new government. It is due to have its first reading when Parliament resumes and will then go to a select committee for public submissions.” So the dawn of 2009 is looking promising for those of us who have ‘been there done that’ and realise that alcohol has no circumstantial benefits. On the note of warning labels on bottles I read an article also by Simon Collins about a young women who said “I drank right through my pregnancy, I didn’t know. There had been no warnings whatsoever” the long story short is that her child has been diagnosed with ADHD and has short attention span amongst a paediatrician at Waikato Hospital who confirmed that the child “had mild physical markers of the fetal alcoholic syndrome based on the gap between the eyes.”
She is happy to be an object lesson for other women but says that “the government has a lot to answer for because they don’t have labels on bottles.” All alcoholic drinks in the United States have carried warnings since 1989. “the Alcoholic Advisory Council wants similar warning labels here but they need to be agreed on by Food Standards Australia NZ”

I can only pray that you come to see the outweighing of the negatives to the positives in this case, but more than that we as a people need to act our opinion and take into action the phrase “people should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people” so my simple challenge to you today is how much do you drink? And is it worth it? So I hope that we can object to the absurdity of labelling and advertising standards to our new government, I mean they will listen right? You better hope so you voted them in.

Sources: The listener, Article "Hard To Swallow", Jennifer Bowden
Article "Time for more sober approach to alcohol", Garth George
Articles "Drinking age back on MP's agenda" and "Higher death
amongst girls linked to liberal liquor laws", Simon Collins

09 Oh No!

2009-01-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

Well happy new year to you all.

that phrase in itself has a funny mentality doesn't it? the common implication is "well this year was crap lets hope next year is better" then once that "next year" is over we say the same thing. I don't particularly make new years resolutions because I believe that we are all changing so much every day and that we need to make resolutions as often as we find something to resolve.

However as Christmas came round and I bought small gifts of appreciation for some, and many cards for many. As I came to write something nice and loving in the cards I realised that out of the many people I loved I still held grudges against some of them and in all honesty it scared me because I am a loving person and do all I can to show that love to others. So when I can't find words to uplift someone its a scary thought. So my simple (if only it was) resolution is to work on my forgiveness, of myself and of others, and in terms of not hurting others so as to cut down on others forgiving me.

As I watch the news tonight I firstly think "ah so this is why I don't watch the news" because in all honesty it a load of crap, there are far too many discrepancies in details to deem anything they say as reliable. The majority of the time it is all fabricated by the reporter and the company of which the station is run in. And my second thought as I watched a 10 minute long report on the apparent loss of who they described as a "league superstar" is why? not only why do they play favourites with someone who is good at sports in comparism to someone who serves in community service, but also why is he so remembered? The answer to the former is pretty obvious and it could lead me on a whole other rant on how our society is messed up. its plain materialism and commercialism again. Adorning someone because they look good or play a sport well, and apparently that's all you have to do today to be remembered and favoured upon society. The answer to the latter question is where my rant begins this evening and funnily enough relates to the first question. This man is remembered because of his sporting achievements nothing more than that. He is not described as a saint or a saviour or even as a solver our societies problems. But he is described as a League Superstar and it makes me seriously think about who Jesus was, what he did, what he taught and why he did it.

I'm sure some of you are now thinking "aw come on don't spoil some nice philosophy with that Christian crap" well fair enough stop reading if you want but Jesus has been to answer for millions of people in our world to which philosophers have never been able to answer. As we mourn the loss of such a great league player where is our mourning for the one man of whom this world is based on. Jesus. it is no coincidence that just as the 7 day creation we have 7 days in our week. It is not by chance that just as god gave us Ten Commandments he gave us ten fingers. It is by no means luck that just as God named Human male and female we still call them by that today. And is by no means sceptical to think that just as time in BC was counting down that Jesus was born as they discovered it was Before Christ, and we live in AD which is the result of his life. Every government and justice system today is based on biblical terms, it is based on the fair retribution of giving people what they deserved, as God will do for us. Of course Because of Jesus' death and ressurection the justice part of life is obscured and we need to take in grace and mercy, two godlike attribtutes that man could never comfortably fit in to our justice system. So it is evident that our world is very much based on Jesus himself. so my question is this; Where is his ten minute news report and how are we personally remembering him today? More so why should we remember him?

Our world truly is so lost in the adornments of our own selfish desires, we feed on knowing what celebrity cheated on who, what teenage superstar is pregnant. What super sports man has died, who made the record for fattest man and so many other self-serving gratitudes that are all the result of one of two things. That is Pride and Greed. I'll save you the massive rant on these things but I will say this, they are purely self-serving attributes to ourselves. So once our bodies pass on, once we ourselves leave this world, where is your money then? Where is your delicious food then? Why can you not take with you your flash car or stereo system. Because they have no worth. I am not trying to be too critical here, don't get me wrong everybody needs a little indulgence once in a while but I want this question to be causing you a headache as you finish reading. "What in my life right now will last?" and by that I mean from a biblical view, there is an old poem that I will finish this blog off with, but now I want to get back to the topic of Jesus.

Here is a man that literally flipped the world upside down, over and out within 3 years! And he chose 12 men to follow him who would, in their lifetimes, continue to completely change the world we live in today. These men and Jesus himself are the very reason we have churches today, they are the reason most countries have the freedom of expression, whether it be expression of belief or simply of opinion, you have that freedom thanks to these men. I myself in typing this acknowledge that I'm no saint and that I need to practice what I preach so to speak because my challenge to us all today, and I do mean "us", is what are we doing with our resources which will make us remembered? And for what reasons will we be remembered? Here we have a man who has died and is remembered for the sports he played. On the other hand we have a man, who is god in the flesh, a man who is remembered today for his love, his mercy, his compassion, his forgiveness, his willingness to serve, his miracles, his morals and more than anything his ultimate sacrifice of laying down his life for those who do not deserve it. The bible speaks simple truth when it talks of the fact that often a bad man will lay down his life for a good man, rarely will a good man die for a good man. And never (except for Jesus) will a good man die for a bad man. The bible talks of that as being love, that laying our lives down for our fellow brothers and sisters is what love truly is. The way in which we serve and love one another defines us as a person and marks what we will be remembered for. This poem here talks of what’s done for Christ, the bible talks of accomadating and serving strangers and that when we do that we are doing that to and for Jesus, he says "I was that stranger" so let us ask ourselves with boldness and a willingness to change
"What in my life will last?"

"Only one life, t'will soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last"

Christs - Mass

2008-12-22T01:09:00.000-08:00

Now the moment I have been looking forward to, ripping what we call "a happy holiday" to shreds (well for the Christians reading it will be)

So Christmas which we recognise as a Christian holiday is still the one day that stops the earth still, as far as I'm aware the only people still on the job will be the cops, ambulances and fire fighters. which may as well be my first point, isn't it funny that even though the remembrance of Jesus can still stop the world that we still need humans to control our society, on the one day when its actually suppose to be about family and Jesus we still fail to 'be good'

Now as for Christ being the 'reason for the season', The origins of Christmas are described as follows on Wikipedia

"Christmas Day or Christmastide, is an annual holiday celebrated on December 25 that marks and honours the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. The birth of Jesus, which is the basis for the anno Domini system of dating, is thought to have occurred between 7 and 2 BC. December 25 is not thought to be Jesus' actual date of birth, and the date may have been chosen to correspond with the Roman Festival."

I'm sure the majority of us are aware of the falsehood of the 25th being Jesus actual date, I personally have found two dates given by leading scholars is August 14th and July 17th. Now the simple fact is that we will never TRULY know the date of his birth but I'm also sure very few of us knew that our Christ mass was ripped off from a pagan celebration. This Roman festival in December was called Saturnalia, this was the feast that celebrated the mythological God "Saturn" this was originally on the 17th and eventually expanded to a whole week lasting until the 23rd. One form of celebration was a school holiday and the making and giving of small presents. This resembles closely the sole focus of our Christmas celebration today. For Saturnalia The customary greeting for the occasion is a "Io, Saturnalia!" — Io (pronounced "yo") being a Latin interjection related to "ho" (as in "Ho, praise to Saturn"). now I'm sure you are all thinking of the correlation between Santa and his jolly "ho ho ho" being a direct symbol of the pagan worship and celebration that still exists today.

Now for this next paragraph I will probably recieve a bit of "you're such a conspiricist" because it does sound crazy and in all reality when I first had this revelation I was taken aback. But here goes, Santa is a direct anagram for someone that is commonly known in Christianity and in the Bible. If you didn't catch that its Satan. feel free to call me crazy, I simply couldn't care but let me give a reasonable explanation to this. Christmas has indeed become materialised, I see too many Christians get lost in this materialism and I can't help but shake my head in disgrace. People sometimes even expect gifts and if they are not given to them they feel disappointed and even disrespected. Today its all about what we can get. Its all purely Greed. in 2006 I went all out for Christmas and I did it not in hope of what I got in return but in the pure joy that I receive when I give without strings attached.
this year I have done cards and a small knick nack from Trade aid. which leads me to another small yet significant thing, think for a moment where you bought most of your presents this year, and then ask yourself this "what chance is there that that shop bought from china or India?" why would you ask that? because a significant number of Chinese manufacturers are in the business of slave labour. I'm sure I need not elaborate on that idea but my point is this, whilst you buy your gifts and give them and recieve them at the same time kids in slave labour are getting paid less that 1US dollar a day and usually and extra 20 cents if they sleep over night at the factory.

now I must move on to the point of Christmas trees, don't get me wrong I love pine trees and some of my fond memories are of the smell of pine on Christmas morning in the living room. However n ancient times the winter solstice was celebrated in Babylon as the birth day of Tammuz, the god of vegetation. According to the pagans, the god Nimrod would visit the evergreen tree and leave gifts upon it. This festival became known as the Saturnalia, and friends and family would exchange gifts. Jeremiah 10 verses 2-4 states

2 This is what the LORD says:
"Do not learn the ways of the nations
or be terrified by signs in the sky,
though the nations are terrified by them.

3 For the customs of the peoples are worthless;
they cut a tree out of the forest,
and a craftsman shapes it with his chisel.

4 They adorn it with silver and gold;
they fasten it with hammer and nails
so it will not totter.

so what can we take from this? the decoration of trees is tradition of Saturnalia which is a pagan festival and is detestable by God. ok so can we have Christmas without trees? of course you can, but what of the exchanging of gifts that is also part of that pagan celebration. Ok so no gifts either. so what's left? well a day off work and the word Christmas. so my simple obligation is this, why do we not celebrate it in this way? a day off and the focus on Christ mass. despite the rip off of Saturnalia's dates we SHOULD be able to focus on Christ. Another question I would have to pose is why oh why do we need a specified date to remember Jesus? the ideal would be for us to remember him everyday and I do pray that for us all. But I simply ask this of you this Christmas. Who are you doing it for? for yourself to get gifts? for others to serve and show them you care? or for Jesus?

so Who are you buying the gifts for? who are you decorating that tree for? who are you singing the carols to? what are you thinking when you recieve your gifts? think about it.

Seriously.

Submisiveness

2008-12-18T02:50:00.000-08:00

Well it’s almost Christmas (you'll get a blog on that soon don't worry)

But as I wind down from my trip to Australia I begin to understand the simplicity of taking action upon what I have learnt.

I have begun another discussion with my friends online about God, which at one point involved a Jew a Muslim and an Atheist yet for some reason I was not overwhelmed or intimidated. I thought I would be but I had complete peace, my mind was still and uncluttered to argue one point at a time. I have learnt to use the bible more in my arguments which can only come across one way, that I have complete faith in the word of God and to some that would seem foolish but I can only pray that it will make them ask "why is he so confident in that silly book" their words not mine!

A family acquaintance came to our house just yesterday to catch up with us, She noted to me "wow man you're happy, you just seem at peace with yourself" and I could only agree and pray that she makes that connection to my faith. It made me aware of how much God has worked in me this year almost gone, it truly has been an amazing year, words cannot comply but God has left me awestricken uncountable times.

I have now decided on my plan of action for next year, after much prayer and thought to it I will be doing a course in Pathways College so its crackdown time now in terms of a new job and in time management this coming year. I cannot truly express in any words how much God has blessed me and made me aware of his working in my life, I literally sit here with nothing to write because I cannot put into mere words.

Who are we to try a describe the majestic lord who created the earth and heavens, names the stars one by one, placed them in their place.
Who am I that the same God that sees my sin, looks on me with love?
Who am I that the god of justice and wrath would have a plan and purpose for my life?
It saddens me to see Christians who are so complacent with their circumstances, ones who have no further passion for the God of love and wrath that we serve. It upsets me that they are constantly reminded of this and motivated by their peers yet do not act on a word of advice. Of course this is from the little I see of their lives. But oh lord do I pray for inspiration for them, I yearn to see their fire burn brighter and catch other people alight with the same joy.

Our lives truly are but a breath, God breathed life into us and can just as easily take it from us, we are in service of such a gracious God, may we all see his power and wrath for what it truly is understand what it is to fear God, a fear that means you want to love him with all your heart mind and soul.

Insignificance.

2008-12-07T04:23:00.000-08:00

Well it has been a pretty full on week and a bit (9 days)

Arriving in Sydney to go down to Canberra a few days later for what I like to call SPRTE or what will be referred to by me as 'sprite.' This involved in depth bible study of the passage Romans 3:21-26 which my sum up is "its one of those passages that you think are self explanatory yet once one door of insight opens regarding it seems the door leads down and endless path of theological, philosophical densely packed information, with a cross breed of cross references." Swell as amazing talks (once again theologically packed and completely biblical based) then add a handful of a thousand or more brothers and sisters in Christ with which to meet and befriend, stir well. Leave you "wanting a break, not from physical tiresome but mental overload of information" and serve with hot Canberra sun, with a side of flies everywhere you go. This was closely followed by a mission trip to the central coast which meant involvement with the 'Lakes Evangelical Church' which with a heafty dessert course of serving leaves you set and ready to hit the sack.

That’s the short way of explaining it; my general more understandable version is that it was Theoretical followed by Practical in regards to serving and beginning ministry.

Now as for my title, I have had a few small 'God moments' throughout this 9-day period but one of the most vivid is precisely about our insignificance. There came a moment to where I mentally removed myself from the context I was in, the surroundings and specific details are irrelevant however I was very much still physically present. I felt as if I was somehow seeing everything around me from a third person perspective, now you're probably thinking, "well of course you were!" but I mean from a different standing point than the obvious. It came to me that all we do, the people we meet, the person we are becoming everyday, all that we live for and all that we think we know. Is insignificant. I would usually go on to explain that with God in your life however it is significant but you merely need to take a look at Ecclesiastes in the bible to argue otherwise. Now to most reading right now this will be very upsetting, maybe even (hopefully) a little bit daunting, because what this means is that all are efforts are for nothing and that is completely true. Even living a Christian life we (the thinkers of our generation) are constantly faced with "well even if I pray, every word is predestined by God, Even though I am called to 'go out into all the nations' it is still God that saves, even though we strive to be better person, God has already seen all our failings and all our success." This Revelation given to me was not one of a depressing state but more of a complete humbling of my soul, for amongst all these thoughts we can very much lose ourselves in despair and loss of motivation but for me it was finally the reverse, I felt more of a refreshing inspiration as God gently humbled to me just how Uncontainable he really is. This is reiterated to us in the DVD "Indescribable" from Louie Giglio which shows us a fleeting glimpse of how the small knowledge we have our infinitely puzzling universe we are but a spec of dust on the very fingertip of God himself, in fact to scale that spec would be our planet in fact we are so small in scale to the size of God that we truly are insignificant.

The amazing thing truly is that despite our complete worthlessness, despite how little we actually mean, despite our insignificance of which we could never truly understand God still wants to be with us, I feel absolutely privileged that a God so big would care to show me but a glimpse of his wonder by giving me a personal revelation from the him, the creator of all. One way in which I can begin to glimpse his power and wonder is that scientists guess that in our universe (of which we know no limits to yet) a new star is born every second, and in the bible it states that God knows each star by name, that alone alongside the beauty of creation, and alongside the personal relationship he establishes with each and every one of us makes me feel so incredibly humbled that it truly in indescribable, Words are but a spec of floating dust in the desert of what he is worthy of. I say it all the time and even these words that are carefully strung into a sentence do not come but a fraction close (in my understanding) in describing the absolute awe that God leaves me with every single time I try to understand who he is.

"A lifetime of worship and study into your character could barely give us a glimpse of your magnitude, of your limitless expanse and wonder"

That has been my prayer many a time, and I can only add to that prayer that it may be yours also.

"Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to the cross I cling"

We serve an incredible God.

May he soften your heart, and open your eyes and ears as he humbles your soul to his absolute sovereignty.

World of Wonders

2008-11-26T04:18:00.000-08:00

As I have now finished my exams and sit here in Sydney in my brothers apartment I can't help but remember the flight over, and the vivid feeling I got whilst looking out the plane window at the vast oceans and lands in the distance. I began to think "Jesus walked this earth, As did every other historical figure in history" as I came to this great thought my thoughts trailed on as they usually do and I started to think that maybe if for one day ever "Christian" that identifies with that title were to understand the cross, the significance of it, the sheer beautiful love and mercy that was poured out on that day, then maybe, just maybe we may see our world begin to shake of the wonders and works of God.

I thought that the land we live on today is the same land that Jesus himself lived on, so my great question of the night is simply. What’s changed?
Sure one could argue the masses of civilisations that have sprung up; the development of morals, economy's, societies, nations, infrastructure, transport, telecommunications... and the list goes on. I do not wish to regard all that as irrelevant but my simple thought is that the same land Jesus once walked on is the same land today. Why do we find it so difficult to put our trust and faith in the Lord when we have the living word of God as proof of the great wonders he performed thousands of years ago? Surely 'every knee shall bow and every tongue confess' but my thought is simply; what are we waiting for?

Some days we like to think that it would be nice if God could just sneeze and save every living person, and sometimes we question God's authority on that with the ever nagging "Well your all powerful, why don't you do it?" but to me I see the bible as God using man to reach man. Ever since the fall we have been riddled with sin and today is certainly no exception, I hear news of people torturing two month old babies, putting them in freezers and throwing them against walls and I can't help but think "Why can't God just stop this insanity" but at the same time I feel conviction.
Conviction that I have not done all I can to spread my testimony and my faith. Conviction that I have not discipled as many followers as possible. Conviction that we as a body are not the remedy for a world that is so sick. I think we all just need to sit back at one point in our lives and begin to understand that this same world we live on today is the same world that Jesus lived on, the same world on which he died the most gruesome possible death imaginable to simply make our lives better.

It is a conviction for each of us personally and we need not do things out of guilt, God is not here to guilt trip you by saying "well now I sent my son to die for you, you better give in that offering" and yet that is the view of so many. They either feel obliged to do something or don't want to do it because they think that God is too good for them. God loves us beyond our comprehension and he wants an A class life for each of us, that was true in the time of Adam and Eve. In the time of Abraham. In the time of Moses. In the time of Jesus and is still true today. What makes us think that anything has changed at all? Sure its an effort sometimes, and I do not wish to belittle that effort but so easily we can think "aw maybe I’ll do it tomorrow" but a friend recently told me of a moment like that she had and she automatically felt the spirit say to her "well maybe I didn't feel like dying on the cross" and I believe that should be our conviction. Mark 16:15 states to go into ALL the world and preach the good news, and I do not think that we should say "maybe tomorrow" to that. When it comes down to it it merely comes down to us opening our mouths and our hearts at the same time, sharing with strangers and friends why we have a smile on our face today, or simply sharing why life is so Good with God, sharing parts of our testimony.

One man changed the face of history; He loved life, Loved God, Loved people, and preached his good news to all the world that he encountered in his life. And he gave his life to see you follow in his footsteps. We all know that Jesus call's us to follow him, but are we taking it as seriously as a disciple? Or are we just part of the crowd?

Hmm rant over..

As usual thoughts are welcome :)

Boiling Frog

2008-11-10T02:01:00.001-08:00

Well due to the post title, I must explain that just like that theory the reality of finishing school did not hit me until the beginning of the end (to make it sound from a movie) and by that I mean the beginning of the last day.

Now I've been all over the place with my years at high school, but 2008 has without a doubt been my best year since. This final day at school has wrapped it up so perfectly that not even tears could express my.. Joy. because i'm not sad, yet not particularly elated once again God is simply blessing me with the simple acceptance of where I stand in my current circumstances.

there really are no words to describe it, yet following trend of everyone else who has said "it left me speechless" I’ll keep writing anyway :) I feel God answering my prayers more and more recently, maybe it’s just that I haven't noticed in the past? but regardless I look back on my years of school and realise how heartfelt it was when all the adults lectured me about "I wish I was back in school! make the most of it" School really is the beginning of any life, the building of oneself, the learning. Be it practically, spiritually, relationally, friendly, physically, mentally and lets not forget academically! When you find yourself stepping out of childhood and into the adult world as the illustration may be regardless of whether or not we were ready for it at different points in our lives, the end of this beginning is the puss off the ledge that makes you finally realise "it's all over." As a friend of mine wrote in her song, 'we have all been waiting for this day to come, now we cant believe its here'

But rather than moan, mourn or have regret I find myself celebrating, firstly that I made it through with all my other dilemmas life has thrown at me and secondly because it truly has been an establishment of my life, my personality, my friendships and ultimately my purpose in life. I can now finally be on the alternate end of the lecture and tell you that I would rather stay at school, I can now lecture anyone (from my heart) and tell them 'you truly have no idea how these years of your life are the best'

And as I sit here, reminiscing and playing what would literally be a movie of my time in school, with my minds eye and memory in overdrive trying to piece all the good times together I cannot help but cry tears, tears of joy and complete satisfaction.
I have always felt sorry for drop outs, not only because the majority of them are simply drop kick losers in life but now also because they miss out on so much, so much opportunity, so many tears, so much laughter, so many friends, so many memories.

there really is nothing I can say to wrap this up nicely except.

Long live Class of 2008, Hutt Valley High School.

Numb3er5

2008-10-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

Before I start (fully recovered since last blog, God has been answering a few prayers :D )

------------
There are currently 4,283,179 people living in NZ, our most recent unemployment figure is 3.9%, one of the lowest in the world, if not the lowest. Every year we as a nation consume up to 470 million litres of alcohol, the proportion of that figure in which we consume spirits has almost double since the new millennium. Our average weekly income * was $537, up 3.5 percent from the June 2007 quarter
* Was up 5.3 percent for females (to $413) and up 2.3 percent for males (to $690) from the June 2007 quarter
*Was highest for those in the 30–34, 45–49 and 50–54 year age groups at $767.

Yet despite this there are over 420,000 crime offences reported every year (on a slow and steady decline I may add) with only 48% of these being resolved. Just recently our national annual suicide rate passed that of our own road toll, there are more people intentionally hurting themselves in NZ then there are accidentally doing it. In 2007 we had 759,906 students attending school 33% of which left school before reaching year 13. In our country over two million people call themself Christian. The main Christian denominations are Anglican (584,793 or 17 percent of people), Catholic (486,012 or 14 percent) and the Presbyterian group (417,453 or 11 percent).

Yet there were 18,380 abortions in 2007 with Women aged 20–24 years having the highest abortion rate (37 abortions per 1,000 women aged 20–24 years) in 2007. There were 317 resident civil unions in 2007 80% of which were same-sex unions. There were 11.3 divorces for every 1000 married couple in 2007, putting it at just above 1 in 10 marriages being unsuccessful. But more than all of this, there were a recorded 28,690 deaths recorded in 2007.

So that is the cross section of our society today, my biggest question is, how many of these people that call themselves Christian actually are living and acting out their faith everyday? I’m not one to point the finger and that’s certainly not what i'm here to do my biggest burden is thinking about those 28,690 deaths. These numbers all represent a proportion of events within the given time but they are more than numbers, we are more than numbers and statistics, you are more than a statistic. These numbers represent people’s lives, their actions, their beliefs and their social background. These are people with mothers and fathers, and family's. People with everyday problems, with love mishaps and people just like you and me, obviously we are all unique and not like anyone else we will find and yet we are a mere proportion of the world, compared to the 6.3 billion people everywhere else in the world we are but a spec. Isn’t it amazing that we are all different in some respect, we will find others with similarities but there is not one person like me, like you? Its particularly sad a distressing to see our suicide rate climbing and climbing.

My burden is with the number of deaths because although I can assume the majority of them were natural death's how many were murders? How many were suicides? And more than anything, how many were people calling themselves Christian? And how many weren't? I’m not trying to condemn anyone at all, only god can know how many of that number made it into his kingdom, but looking at all these other numbers I can only assume the percentage was small indeed. There must more to this life right? More than living than dying, more than the money we work so hard to dispose of, more than the cars we drive to destroy, more than the relationships we go through so fast. One question we must all ask ourselves is this, "what numbers will I fill?" at the end of the day we can't prevent being part of a statistic but like I have said these statistics show the makeup of our lives.

I remember vividly when that woman at the airport leant on the wall next to me and said "ah its the cross section of society huh?" The bible talks of our lives being like a breath of wind, moving swiftly from our birth to our death. We are but dust floating into the oblivion that is our future and we are as fragile as dust. Anyone who has lost a loved one or witnessed a horrific accident resulting in death will tell you how much it rips your insides apart, feeling as if a bombs gone off inside of you.

As Christmas approaches I can't help but think again 'this feels familiar' it seems like only a short period of time that it was Christmas last year, yet despite this we still clutter our lives with the meaningless material junk, the stuff we consume, the stuff we decorate ourselves with, the dresses we wear once or suits we wear once. For what may I ask? It will all mean nothing when you die, of course you can say "live it while you can" but its a chasing of the wind, its something that is merely chewing your time. Recently I attended a worship conference in Wellington city and in the back of my notebook I stumbled across a quote that opened my eyes once again

"There are no clocks to measure time except the beating of our singing heart"
No with no idea on earth who said this it made it feel more like God telling me to stop cluttering myself with all this nonsense and just sit back and relax, to simplify things and essentially have less of me more of God. In the famous words of "fight Club's" Tyler Durden

"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler."

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. "

Stop wasting your life.

Daniel

Familiarities

2008-10-21T22:01:00.000-07:00

Its sad when you have familiarities invovled with debt, anger and general dissapointment in life.

i sit here, once again in debt, i need not go into details but its 1100 this time.

It all feel's so familiar and I wander how on earth I got back to this depressive state. With all do respect its not my fault this time, and I say that in honesty, not in a way that is trying to pass on the blame from myself. It would appear that I do indeed love to serve others, I love to love others. In the state I'm in, which is all to familiar for my liking I wander why I bother anymore. It would seem I get nothing back physically or spiritually and its this caring, loving and serving side of myself that has seemed to have gotten me into this scenario and all I can think is. Why?

I hear so many stories of God Blessing people, Healing them, Restoring them. And needless to say I have had revelations from God, in fact one just last thursday but I begin to wander, when am I truly going to get something back? I have given up so much for the 'Jesus Way of Life' and what have I got to show for it? Whilst I write I think of what one preacher once said, and that is that if i'm wandering when my next blessing or revelation is I need to put my trust in God, look back to the last one he gave me and live on that promise. My last revelation was when I was breaking down, because I came to the realisation that I have no idea what I'm doing next year and i just cried out to God, trusting in him. I opened my bible and there stood the words "Go in peace, Your journey has been approved by the Lord." I am trying with all I have to keep that as my foundation right now but after giving up so much of my life to God I sadly have to say I'm beggining to doubt him.

My journey to the Lord has been one of complete logic as that is how i function and God is aware of that, so in that aspect I have no doubt that the Judea Christian God exists. My doubt lies in the favour-itism. I put that dash there for a reason. God doesn't play favourites but he does have favour for some rather than others, And that is biblical. As I came to face the facts of my situation I had to clearly write out my priorities. And for me that is money, the money that I don't have. 400 of it being fines that will get me a police record if not paid. So this means I'm not going to finish the duration of my schooling which to me is a major dissapointment, not because I like school but because it means i have wasted my whole year, its gone. thats time i could have spent working. whether it be for the kingdom of God or the numerical currency we strive to attain.

tommorow I will be working all day, I'm hoping this will help prepare me for working full time, or whatever it is I end up doing next year. As I have said the sad part is that this all came to happen through my kindness towards others, my willingness to help and let them have a fun time. I can't help but feel utmost hatred at this. If this is what I get for being kind and loving then maybe I should never bother ever again, I even begin to feel my thoughts that say "if I died right now i wouldn't have these problems." however I know I've overcome this before and I'm better than that.
but will anyone notice me this time? will anyone thank me? will anyone help me for a change? will they be grateful for the sacrifices i make to make them happy?

I can only hope to get over myself in this time, in the sense that I need to focus on God, and trust that my problems are but a dust particle to him, they are no problem for him to handle, but will I be able to really surrender myself to him? it's one thing for me to pray this, to sing it in the songs. But I simply don't know how to open myself up to him. for this I begin to think "when will he open me up and operate?" because if I can't willingly do it then I can only pray that he will force it upon me.

I wish i could go in peace, knowing that my journey is approved by the Lord himself but I.. I just can't.

Adulthood.

2008-09-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

What is adulthood?

ok no I'm not going to go down that rant.

but I will say what I have been saying to most when I could be bothered explaining.

18 is merely a number to me, and recently I have wandered what our lives would be like if we didn't attach numbers to our birthdays, the only reason we feel old, or young, is because of that number. so its just another number to me, one which bears no real significance to me, for i feel alive, not young neither old.

It has been a while since i wrote and i suppose i'll just explain whats been happening.

exams, what a big bundle of joy huh? i finished them last friday, but something was different this year when i sat them, i bore no real stress upon them because the simple fact is i just don't care anymore. not in the sense that i would simply not attend, as i attended all. but i just feel at ease with my results. the only reason they feel stressful to people is because their whole future lies in those results, how sad that must be to be audited your whole life by others, ending up only where your own knowledge leads you. this year was different for me, i've been continually growing in the lord this year, reminding myself that i need to be refreshed in his spirit everyday. and the reason i simply didn't care this year is because i know that God has everything safe and secure in his hands. why should i worry when i have the creator of all the universe looking after me? my future bears no relationship to these results, not anymore. and i feel confident in knowing that God will take me where he wants, and i guess this is just another step to not living for myself but living for God. just giving him more and more of my life to him for him to do with as he pleases, i've never felt more alive in life, i've never felt more content with nature, with the world, with the people around me. sure i still feel disgust at how human beings have polluted God's beautiful creation, polluted with more than just atmosphere, polluted with violence, hate, famine, war, prostitution and basically with everything that God never intended. yet at the same time i feel content in knowing that we are all part of his divine, complex plan. in knowing that he knows all and see's all. he can see our struggle now yet he also see's the point in the future when its resolved, he's watching the second coming as we speak.

as i reach 'adulthood' i feel no different, but i do feel a sense of change. a sense that now because i am no more 'wordly' confined that God is beginning to lift the same confinements off me spiritually. of course it only comes down to my own will power and passion for him, and life is beautiful, no matter how much we go up and down like waves on the sea, i live on the foundation of Jesus that will never fail. I am beginning to see the beauty in the everyday things, the simple joy's of life that, for the masses, we all just run by, so occupied in our own issues that we never stop to look and realise that amongst everything, amongst the war, the crime, the economy's, the pollution of everything. If we are to simply stop and take a breath for a moment we can see that beauty, we merely have to open our eyes, and our hearts to the raw beauty of life.

i am really unsure of what my point in tonights post is. it seems, as per usual, that i am ranting (its fun you should try it sometime), but none of this worry's me, in my puberty years, in the years that i was trying to discover what life was all about i obviously began thinking of girls. my mind still today wanders off into 'what my future could look like with her' yet allthough it troubles me i don't feel confined by it, God provides me with what i need at the appropriate times i need it, he is my one true love, and Jesus the bride that awaits me in the place he has prepared for me. i feel it neccesary to copy and paste something of which i wrote a few years back. something that i thought, at the time, was a stepping stone in my life.

"i finally feel like i have lived life because i almost passed out while being the host to a new years piss up i have a mad collection of music on my dell 17.5 gigs to be exact and i feel like my life career is pointing towards photography and being in a nz band i am no longer worried about what people think of me and have confidence when meeting new people
(mainly chicks) i feel like 2005 to 2006 new years piss up will forever be a milestone in my life and i have my 42 below bottle to remember it all"

now this is just a part of what i wrote, and as you can see i was placing my hope in the wrong places, i had no mention of God or spirituality, and of all the thing i was proud of it was all wordly, all temporary and 'a chasing after the wind'. i had no idea what i was talking about and this life lead me to destruction.

i look back at that and simply laugh at my own stupidity, but also rejoice in knowing that i will never have to go down that road again. i still feel that passion for photography but merely as a hobbie, the reason is simple. seeing God's beauty with our own eyes is beautiful but when we capture that on paper, on film, only then does it become absolutely priceless, like decorations which truly glorify God's creation. i know also that music is still a passion of mine, and whilst at parachute i was more clear on the reason why. music can be used for one of two things. to reach an audience with the truths in the band's lives. lessons they've learnt and things they've endured, things that they are able to communicate to us through their lyrics and music. in this first part also fits in the crucial part of glorifying God, because for most of these truth's that they want to communicate none shine as bright as the truth of Jesus Christ, his suffering and our life in him. the second is probably just as common as the first, to communicate false truth's, to send a message of hate to the listener's because the song writer has endured something but not found the truth in it.

i believe this is also the choice we have in life. to live one of truth, or of false truth and false hope. there is no doubt in my mind that my future lies in the hands of God, so i merely ask you today, where does your future lie? is it in the results of the next coming test, is it in the false hope of mediocre life that the media portray's. or are you sick of conforming, of going along with the crowd and pretending like everything's ok when you know that there isn't much right about your life.

99% of all thought processes are eliminated before they even reach our subconcious, how this works i do not know, but i know that the thoughts that reach your mind are shaped by your expectations, by where you have placed your hope in life and specifically where your passion lies.

think about it (really cruel pun/paradox huh?)

Healer

2008-08-23T04:41:00.000-07:00

Now those of us who are well informed in the music scene of worship, from hillsong to hymns will have heard about the unfortunate events surrounding Michael Guglielmucci's Terminal Illness and his song about his struggles called "healer", It is my misfortune to announce (if you hadn't already known) that this was all a fabrication. Now below is an article i have found that tackles the issue with great wisdom and biblical background and if there's anything more i can add that the Article doesn't say it's that we should all be keeping Romans 2:1 in mind in this time of confusion and probable anger.

___________________________________

Dear Worship Community,

I write this article today from my home office and studio. Looking outside my windows I can see the rain and wind increasing from Tropical Storm Fay. Although she is located several hours south of our home I can see and feel her presence. As the sky grows darker and more ominous I can’t help but think of the storm we’ve encountered over the last twenty four hours in the world’s worshiping communities.

Breaking across the news, forums, blogs, and twitter we all became aware of a great disappointment involving Mike Guglielmucci, author of the smashing hit song, “Healer”. Many who are familiar with this song and Mike’s story would read this and immediately think “Mike has passed away. He lost his battle with cancer”.

Sadly, that is not the disappointment and sorrow that we embraced yesterday. On the contrary, we learned the terrible news that Mike Guglielmucci’s story of his terminal disease, his battle with cancer, and who knows what else …. was a lie. One of the original stories was published in this Australian news site.

So as worshipers, many of whom have promoted this song, the now-famous video testimony, and the recordings, we find ourselves tossing back and forth with waves of emotion including anger, grief, frustration, bitterness, pity … and the list goes on and on. Many of us have shown the video of this false testimony to our churches, our friends, and even our sick loved ones.

This comes on the heels of continued announcements of sin and moral failure from other well-known ministers including Todd Bentley of the “Lakeland Revival”.

Events like these invoke such incredible emotions and questions. With today’s technology it’s not uncommon for a person, a song, a ministry, or an event to become world-famous within a few weeks. How do we handle the fame?
How do we address the elevation of people and songs into the world’s view? More importantly - how do we handle it when these “vessels” break?

The news came pouring into my inbox yesterday morning. I was scheduled to lead an hour of worship and prayer at my home church, St. Simons Community Church. I arrived for prayer, sat down at the keyboard, and looked across the congregation. With authentic disclosure I leaned into the mic and said, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to worship. I don’t want to sing. I’m frustrated. I’m disappointed and disillusioned”. Jumping into a super-spiritual time of worship would have been fake and fabricated - just as much as the story Mike Guglielmucci has told us. I gave a quick, 2-3 minute recap of the morning’s events and just sat back for prayer.

One of the men in the congregation spoke out and brought forth a reading from God’s Word that I believe is incredibly relevant to this situation.

15 It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16 The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17 The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.

18 But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, …

Philippians 1:15-18 (NIV)

I love how “The Message” translation covers verses 18-19:

18 So how am I to respond? I’ve decided that I really don’t care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on! And I’m going to keep that celebration going 19 because I know how it’s going to turn out.

Men and women of God, we must remember this truth. God has given us His light. We are to be His glory here in the earth. However, the all-wise God of the Universe chose to put Himself in us, a people who despite all the wonderful glory of God are “prone to wander” as the hymn writer of “Come Thou Fount” so poetically puts it.

Paul speaks to this in 2 Corinthians:

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all‑surpassing power is from God and not from us. (2 Cor. 4:7)

We are these earthen, clay vessels. The thing about earthen, clay vessels is that they are fragile. They can break. So when vessels break, how do we respond? Biblical discipline should be exercised through the local church. I’m grateful to see this is happening. The position of influence and honor should be removed. Restoration should begin. Healing should be sought. Prayer should be offered.

As I have pondered these events, I’m somewhat at peace by the reminder that none of this surprised God. He wasn’t caught off guard. As much as this sin and failure grieves Him and His Church, He is still in control.

We do not know the heart or motives of Mike Guglielmucci, Todd Bentley, or other ministers who have had their sins exposed on a worldwide level. We certainly must confess that we’re all capable of such sin. We must ask ourselves how the Church would respond if all of our secret sins, thoughts, motives, and selfish ambitions were exposed for the world to see.

With this in mind, we have to ask ourselves this question - does the breaking of the vessel disqualify what the vessel produced? Is the song tainted? Honestly, the true motive behind the creation of these lyrics and this beautiful, anthemic melody is still unknown. We cannot (and should not) accurately judge that at this time with our limited information. Still, aren’t these lyrics still true? Do they not express God’s redemption and healing grace? Do they not uplift and edify the sick, the weak and the weary?

Lastly, could it be that God will use any vessel (weak, strong, broken, tainted) to accomplish His will? I believe we can go to Scripture and see God using the weak to confound the wise. He uses wicked Kings and rulers to further His plan. He uses prostitutes and yes, even donkeys. He uses you and me.

These actions, like Tropical Storm Fay, are sending out their effects. The rock has been thrown into the water, and the ripples are racing across time. How will we, the Church, respond? Despite our frustration, let’s allow the local church and those in authority over these “broken vessels” their freedom to exercise discipline. For the rest of us, let us pray. Pray earnestly for those affected. Pray that God will be glorified in the midst of failure. Pray that “in our weakness, He will be strong”. Pray for wisdom to those involved in the music industry that have supported this song. Pray for Planetshakers, Hillsongs, and for Integrity Music. Pray for the tens of thousands of Believers that will be discouraged by high profile, public failure.

I believe You’re my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my Portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus You’re all I need
My Healer, You’re my Healer
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

As for me ….

I STILL BELIEVE.
_________________________________

To see the actual article please go to

http://www.theworshipcommunity.com/when-vessels-break/

Full credit to Fred McKinnon

"Fred McKinnon is the Founder and Publisher of TheWorshipCommunity.Com. He's also the Worship Director for St. Simons Community Church, a husband, father of 4 wonderful kids, an e-biz owner, and a self-professed web2.0 addict, blogging at www.fredmckinnon.com."

So will you still believe after this?

I will, and i also believe strongly that nothing we can do will ever hinder God's Power, whether that is the power to heal or to simply answer your prayers.

Struggles

2008-08-12T03:48:00.000-07:00

It has been a few weeks since my last post and I thought I better update this thing.

After Get Smart I was on fire for God, and I need say that it has died a bit but it’s been good that mostly the fire has continued in its strength. It’s difficult for me to have such strong faith at times, especially when I continually argue with atheists who (for my rational and thinking mind) pose a good argument from time to time. I believe that that same thinking ability of mine is in need of a balance, its one of the reasons I walked away from God, yet at the same time it’s been pretty much the sole factor for my strengthening in faith for God. After Get Smart I found out that I had scoliosis and I felt deprived of the fact that I could have gotten healed, but with my thinking mind I reminded myself that with God there is no plan B, everything is according to his plan. However my physical condition has not improved much.

This year I haven't been exercising much and although I’m not one who actually cares what others think about my body and looks, I am one who (for the sake of the fact that my body is God's temple) wants to respect my body and be healthy and fit. I have never liked exercise much but have kept up with soccer and general walking around, its not as if I have much time this year to be active and going to a gym or anything as my schedule is choka block already and I can only hope that not having school next year will free things up a lot for me. Whilst I am aware that for every struggle God will provide us with Blessings and/or a rejoicing time, it’s hard when I'm going all out for God and I seem to not get much in return. In saying that I am preaching next week at our Christian group at school and I am prayerfully jumping into that task with all I can give it.

This weekend coming up is going to be amazing, with youth group on Friday night, the school ball on Saturday night and church Sunday morning, followed by a worship service that night also. Amongst all my struggles and stress I see evidently that God is up to something great, I talk to friends who all say that their church needs to find a bigger venue. I see more ad's on TV about Sunday services, and TV programmes which broadcast some of these. I know that whilst God has a plan for my life I have to see past that and think broader, think about the huge revivals he is doing worldwide and in my own city. I see on the news the constant troubles and misfortune of war, poverty, famine, pollution and all the rest of it so I’m now making another stand against news. Not because I want to be ignorant about it but merely because it pains me to watch sometimes, when I’m doing all I can for God where he has put me but begin to wonder "where are the people that he has called for these regions?" and more importantly why are we a generation that ignores such calls, we all want to make a change and do something great with our life’s but God it just seems we're all talk and no walk when you actually call us to do great things.

Father in heaven I thank you for what you are doing, but Jesus I pray that we begin to be a generation who won't back down from your call at the first sign of struggle and persecution, you took the ultimate punishment and what we endure is mere bee stings in comparism.

God give us a heart of Passion, a heart that serves. No matter what the cost.

Go Dream

2008-07-21T02:35:00.000-07:00

It as indeed been a while since I have written.

Things became busy and sick for me during the last week of school.

managed to get the famine 'to do' list done, raising a massive 9800 dollars, a very gratifying feeling indeed, every minute of stress was well worth it, still more to come though.

During these holidays I attended my first ever Get Smart youth conference, entitled "Dream". And indeed they focused on dreams, the dreams we have and how to align them with the plans that God has for us.

we all know of the lines people get in for days, whether it is to get the new Iphone, or to see a international band, or for a new book release - but I was blown down and completely awe stricken to hear that young people from all across the south island were queuing from 7am till 9am to get in, queuing to praise God, to learn about him and to have their lives changed. The atmosphere was electric, and several times, the building filled with a warmth that I felt to be un-natural and could only be explained by the presence of God. And be assured that God did move, he did touch people, he broke down barriers, he healed lives and found hundreds more in his kingdom by the end of the conference.

It was an event full of brilliant international speakers, unforgettable worship and an atmosphere that will remain vivid in my mind for decades to come. I could fairly say that half my praise time was spent looking around, soaking up the fact that hundreds of teenagers were gathering to lay their lives down at the feet of the Lord and serve him, it does indeed feel like God is building up an army. And I pray with all my heart that the young people who attended do not lose heart, but study their notes, listen to their resources and read the books they bought, to grow and rest on God in these hectic days where it feels as if hell is right outside the gates of church. But as a speaker reminded us it is just the opposite, the Church (the body) is set up right outside the gates of Hell.

The two most memorable scenes in my mind were as follows.
1. the healings, and I talk of this in the broad sense of hundreds of lives being healed clean of sin by accepting Jesus as their saviour (and indeed my heart still rejoices.) but also in the direct meaning, the healing of the injured, right in front of me I saw people being healed of scoliosis (only to my surprise to find out I have it, as the symptom is that one leg is slightly longer than they other) and to see a person I know, walk up the stage on crutches, and then to walk off the stage without the assistance of the crutches, here is a young man who accidentally cut himself with a chainsaw, breaking bones. To be drastically taken under the power of God, and being healed, for hundreds to testify Gods Glory. For this I thank and praise thee oh wonderful God. Amen.
2. The speakers, in specific Reggie Dabbs, Andi Andrews, Brian Houston and Jurgen Mathesius. Reggie is one of those lively black Americans who have the ability to make people laugh, yet pierce their heart with Gods truth at the very same time. Reggie, during his first sermon asked for all the mothers in the crowd to come to the altar, and then asked anyone with addictions, with conditions of which the doctor said there was no hope to come forward, the aisles filled with hundreds of people in need for a mothers love, the love that is so unique and powerful that all Reggie asked them to do is to move amongst the crowd, looking them in the eyes, saying they love them and giving them a hug, lo and behold that was all that needed be done for the love of God to come to every person in that auditorium. Andi preached whilst pregnant, that alone to me shows the true heart of a Christian, to put aside your own needs and circumstances and to give it all you’ve got to bring people to Christ, my notes and undoubtedly the longest on her sermon, she spoke with challenging and convicting authority of how we as Christians need to get over what other people think, and to stop settling for second best, she hit the very important issue of relationship on the head by stating that so often young men and women settle for second best to suit their temporary needs of comfort in one another. She spoke informatively on how even today we still praise other Gods by giving into such things as, loss of our God given identity, loss of generations and most importantly our persistent ability to make ourselves sexually immoral. Brian talked about living on the edge, and touched on the fact that Jesus himself said ‘let your yes be yes and your no be no’ he talked with wisdom on not being indecisive, and that if we live our lives sensibly were not living what God wants for us, simply because sometimes what God requires of us doesn’t make sense! Finally Jurgen talked about living with a complaint, and not accepting the unacceptable. Living with a complaint does not mean we waste our time on our complaints but it means do not live with complacency, because it’s then that we lose our passion for the lost. And don’t accept that your friends and family members go on life condemned to Hell! because that’s unacceptable, He spoke with great passion and carelessness about the use of the word ‘Hell’ and ‘Devil’ which I think made him stand out for me.

There is simply too much to talk about, so for your sake I will wrap it up. But I must say that I see Get Smart being the beginning of something great, being the point in young peoples lives where they can say to their friends looking back, “that is the reason you are saved today, that is the reason I love God like I do and that is the reason you are seeing an uprising In followers of Jesus Christ”

God is doing something in my School, he is doing something in Wellington and he is doing something in our country, I am forever thankful that I am part of all three, any Christian living here today is part of his plans, and it constantly leaves me in awe that he would choose me to do his good works in life.

Amen to that.

Dependance

2008-06-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

“We are dependant on God, God is independent of us”

As this thought occurred to me I realised just how much it was God himself that put it into my mind. It makes perfect sense, however let me elaborate and go into depth for this.

The Basis of God is that he created all and governs all, he is outside all laws we could conjure up because, and fact is. He created those laws. He is all powerful, all knowing, and present everywhere you go. Why did God create us if he knew we would betray him? Because it pleased him, he would get satisfaction out of us finding him through our own choice, the choice which is free will. However we seem to forget that God is unaffected by our decisions, by what we say and what we do, in fact although it pleases him it could not bother him one bit what we get up, he created us, left us with his word and his son, what more does he need to do? God is fully independent of us, which goes to say that whatever we say will not effect his existence, what we say and do will also have no effect on him as C.S Lewis once said ‘a man can so much defy God’s existence as a man can scribble ‘light’ on the walls is a hope to escape the darkness.’ It goes to show that whatever we say or do, no matter how smart we think we are the fact is God is real (cff ‘the case for Christ’.) a further analogy of this is Shakespeare, a once living man, created plays did he not? Othello and Romeo (as we see them in the play) do not talk of Shakespeare, in this role Shakespeare is the creator and they are the characters, as much as they want to they would never be able to find proof of Shakespeare because Shakespeare could make and laws he wants to govern them in his play and he would still be unaffected by them. However the characters are dependant on Shakespeare’s laws to survive, in fact without Shakespeare they would not exist. Did Shakespeare gain anything out of creating this play? Not anything personally as far as we know however it satisfied him to do so. So here the characters are fully dependant on Shakespeare for existence and a fulfilling life, yet Shakespeare in completely independent of them in the sense that what they say and do in the play will not change him at all.

Do you see the dilemma? We can continue to try and disprove God yet all we have in dependant of God, ironic isn’t it? That some of us use God’s given gifts to try and disprove God, it makes me smile at times because we are a generation that has lost our meaning, our purpose and our one true love. Sure you can try and debate what I say, or what Lee Strobel says, just as I could debate what Charles Darwin said or what Richard Dawkins chooses to say, fact is neither of us will be right, and anything we say or type will not even come close to what God knows, in fact it’s a lost cause on either side to prove or disprove God. At the end of the day all we have is the Bible and it is the only thing we can research to truly find what God thinks and who he is as our creator. It’s become such a common thing these days to just state ‘there is no God’ or on the flipside ‘God exists’
Yet what do we have to back up what we say? Nothing of our own knowledge, every piece of information we have today is thanks to the generations before us who, if you trace it back far enough, derive from thoughts and ideas around Jesus’ day. I do not think however that you can deny the importance of these things, our dating system is thanks to Bible, our naming of male and female is thanks to the Bible, the very governorship we have is thanks to the Bible, if you take things literally, everything and everyone we see today is thanks to the Bible (or God) so why are we so ignorant, why do we feel such hate to try and disprove our very own heavenly father. I used to be like this, blaming all my bad misfortune on God, hating him for the suffering in the world, the poverty, the war and the blatant evil and violence. It was not until I took a chance, accepted God’s free gift of salvation and stepped into the realm of the unknown, where Jesus is. That my life became blessed, it’s almost a year now since I did this and I can assure you that everything has gotten better, I have been so blessed that it makes me guilty, it makes me hate myself for how much time I wasted despising God, yet still he accepted me with open arms. The name God is very fitting and I cannot begin to describe to you how great he is, every song we sing, every prayer we pray and every little thing we do in his name will never fulfil what we owe Jesus for his suffering, the suffering we caused. Yet we are so lost.

‘Some want to set up stall under the safety of the bell
I would prefer to set up near the gates of hell’

I pray peace over everyone who reads this, I pray for a curiosity for you to contact your local church and i pray he pours his love into you.

May He guide you

Daniel

Let us.

2008-05-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

Where to start?

Recently I have been extremely busy with my life, a simple way to emphasise this is that I have only Wednesday night free at the moment, remembering I have school everyday on top of that. Amongst this busy schedule I lost focus on God, forgot that in putting him first everything will fall into place. I really felt god telling me to just stop, not slow down but just stop completely and focus on him. I took Friday off school and did this, spending the day at church with my pastors just praying, talking and reading.

I think there is a lesson in this, sometimes although we are focusing on god; we lose sight of him as soon as an earthly task comes to hand. I believe quite literally that we need to be offering all that we do up to our lord and this is more than my thoughts -

I Corinthians 10:31
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

God wants us to do so, he doesn't need it there is nothing he 'needs' except for us to follow the two greatest commandments - Matthew 22:37-40

And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'
This is the great and foremost commandment.
The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'
On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.

I need not expand on that however let me get to the bone of my post today,
In Genesis 1:26 it says this.

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."

we see a confusion here, it says 'and GOD said' God as one individual however when its God's word we see him say 'let us make..', so we know this is before Adam and Eve, in fact this is the very moment that God wants to create Adam. So who is 'us'?
It the goes on to say 'according to our likeness' the functional word here is once again 'our' as if there is more than one God. No not more than one God but the same God, this verse is the very first instance of the trinity. The Father. The Son. The Holy Spirit. So is this to say that we are not only made in the image of God, but also the image of Jesus and the Holy Spirit? yes that is exactly what this means.
Just try to grasp that for a moment, YOU are made in the image of the father, the son and the Holy Spirit, you are made in the concept of three entities. So what does this mean for us? I'm sure anyone who has read 1 Corinthians knows about chapter 13, the love chapter, a very beautiful chapter indeed. But before Paul writes that he wants to tell us about the characteristics of God. We all have some vague idea about how the trinity works, basically its three entities but the same character (being God).
So what does this suggest about us? Well firstly we have the father, which directly relates to God, our Father in heaven. Now God is the one whom we find ourselves in, he is the one of which we find or purpose in. our role. Secondly we have the son, Jesus, our saviour. Jesus walked this earth as a man and he represents the body, the body of Christ and how we are all a different part of this body. Lastly we have the Holy Spirit; the spirit empowers us to do what we would not be able to do on our own. The spirit empowers us for service. So we have the father, the son and the Holy Spirit. Our gifts, our unification and our service. I think it’s obvious in some churches that we focus on one of these three and almost forget about the other two. For example some churches may be all about service, all about evangelising to reach people. And this is great however they need to acknowledge people and that function they have in the unified body of Christ, they may be missing unity. Other churches may have this unity but have it so much that they feel closed off to newcomers, to reaching people. These churches possibly won't acknowledge people gifts, people’s talents. And the churches that do recognise gifts and talents of their congregation but at the same time have conflict within their church; they may not be unified with one another.

Three is the magical number here, a tripod for a camera is a very strong and reliable stand, however with just one of the legs missing it will fall, the rotary motor would not function without all three points. Like this we must remember that we have our three aspects on our journey towards conforming to Christ, we each have our own gifts and talents that god calls us to use, we are all part of the same body and need to be unified, and we all need to reach people. There was a survey done of 400 people, it showed that almost every time 9 out of 10 people would come to a church if they were invited.

So use your gifts, be unified within church but don't get comfortable, step out of that comfort zone and reach people.

'You are a Christian today because someone cared,
Now it’s your turn'

Peace and Blessings.

Dan

I Wonder

2008-05-06T02:38:00.000-07:00

God is wonderful isn't he.

it seems more and more that his wonders have been revealed to me, everything you see in front of you now is thanks to god, the photons and electrons givings at the speed of light into you eyes which transmits the image to your brain to see, the very seat you sit on and even the simple keyboard keys you tap on probably everyday.

the more i think about it the more i stand in complete amazement and awe of his works, his power, his glory and his wonder.

so i wonder, why does it all seem to pass us by every single day, whether you believe that everything is in and because of god or not, life is a beautiful thing. we are surrounded by beauty and complexity, by masses of mountains yet droplets of beauty fall on them every week. how is it that we miss the wonders around us, it takes a simple observation and calm of mind to begin to realise just how empowering the things around us are. we live in a world that is full of suicide, full of depression full of a lack of motivation, yet there is inspiration all around us. beneath our feet, in our hearts, everywhere we go there is complexity and complete motivation.

it seems im just ranting now, i always tend to do that.

i just stand in complete awe of the beauty of our world, of my life, of your life and of every living thing around us, how can we miss this beauty. why do we not take the time to indulge in it and begin to comprehend the inspiration that surrounds us.

may we all be more observant and aware of the simple ecstatic joy that awaits us at every moment of every day.

The Power of Faith

2008-04-06T02:41:00.001-07:00

I'm sure we (those who are familiar with scripture) have heard that faith is more important than deeds, however on top of that i must say that when two combine its a powerful thing. We know that Abraham was one who did good deeds through good faith, and he was very blessed by God for his obedience and his faith in him.

with the recent activities I have been partaking in God has slowly been revealing some small things of big importance, i feel the lord nudging me towards a season of prayer in my life, prayer for me personally has always been a hard thing, i often feel uncomfortable and inferior whilst praying knowing that he knows my thoughts, my heart and where I'm at, it almost feels unnecessary for me. However things have been unravelling for me and it seems that i have missed an important piece of knowledge, as humans we have senses and we all know that some of us have better smelling than others and so on. however god has also designed us with the same spiritual senses and once again they are unique to us as his children, there is a story of a person that i came across who could literally smell the sense of the holy spirit in the room of which he was in. consequently we all have spiritual ears, and we use these when we pray - our prayer is like out communication centre with the lord and it is this part of our life that the devil wants to attack, why?. because the he knows that once our communication centre is out our spiritual ears will not get any more orders from God, and on that it is important for us to acknowledge the importance of what the military like to call 'Last Standing Order' (LSO) which means that we need not hesitate if we haven't heard from God in a while, simply continue living how you have been since his last communication with you and he will use that growth to speak to you again.

I have come to quick realisation of this importance in prayer, during last weeks church service there was an alter call for healing, two people came up to the front and the first had three people praying for him so there wasn't much room for me to act there, i noticed another woman coming up the front and walked over to meet her.
I cannot remember what i prayed for her yet i KNOW that it was a prayer of complete faith in god to heal her of whatever the problem was for her, she approached me today and thanked me for the prayer, she had been suffering from major back pain the weeks prior to that service and it was affecting her sleep, work and pretty much all aspects of her life. The very next day after i prayed for her, she slept completely, her pain had completely gone away. She told me this today and i stumbled for a second, its like she was acknowledging me for her healing?!?! like wow. As the day went on i focused on the fact that it was gods healing and not mine however i did make the connection that if it had not been for my prayer, my faith combined with my deeds, she would still be in pain today. It was certainly a wake up call to me, and I'm beginning to make an effort for sorting out my prayer life and making it feel more comfortable for me to do so.

A while ago, i was talking to a man who was telling me his beliefs and his experiences with god, its important to note that this man was not christian although he did have complete faith that god was real and that he could move in his life. He was at a party (not drinking) for a Friends sake and he was watching the drunks try to balance a stick on their fingers - whoever held it the longest won, he was speaking to a woman about his beliefs and was touching on the fact that it was all a a matter of faith, 'for instance' he said 'i could make the stick stay still' as he pointed at the stick on the drunks finger which was completely vertical and rock solid, it was apparent to everyone in the room that it was a defiance of gravity (due to the intoxication of the player of that game) and he was explaining to me how, with the faith, we can all act god in one sense or another. It seemed blasphemous at first but with my constant intention to stay open minded i though about it and realised the connection between this statement and Christianity itself. The meaning of christian is literally to be 'Christ like' i think, honestly, none of us can attain this and there is the statement that i came across which says 'there was only ever one true christian, and he died on the cross for us', in being Christ like we are agreeing that we are to some extent living as god himself, due to the deity of the trinity we can twist it to say that being christian is to be 'god like'. is it so hard to believe that you could deify gravity, that you could provide miraculous healing for someone, that your prayer could completely change a town or even an entire nation?

in fact if you search youtube for 'chriss angel' you will eventually find a video of him walking water, i do not know the spiritual orientation of this man but i know he has faith, and it seems apparent that that is all that matters, however I do not believe this to be the case (not because i would sound blasphemous if i didn't believe this) as it seems to me that as the majority, the most miraculous of healing have occured through churches, i know of a town in africa where it was normal for your kid to say 'oh dads in prison for the night' the town was absolutely ridden with crime and hate. three women continued to pray over the years and miracles took place, God told them to crack open a rock that was on the main hill in their town and after they managed to get a miner in from OUT OF THE COUNTRY they cracked it open and water gushed out of the hill. Here was a town that was in complete famine and poverty with a small church with a few people who prayed with FAITH and served their God with their DEEDS and now the town only has 3 police members, no prominent jails and they are so nourished that they are sharing their food and water with outlying towns.

I do not wish to claim that i am god, not in the literal sense, however i do wish to make you all acknowledge that "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." and that when we have deeds with faith we "can do all through christ who strenthens us" our very faith tells us that nothing is impossible, the man with faith will move mountains.

I hope you can gain something out of my long rant tonight.

Peace.

Daniel

Loves Desires?

2008-03-20T05:03:00.000-07:00

'Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires'

I suppose this post will be more personal but hopefully still literate for the readers sake. The scripture above is in song of songs, twice. Its such a short book which emphasises on songs which focus on love and the male and female body however this is said twice, its probably the biggest repetition in the bible in context of the small amount of space the repetition occurs.

I think, personally, i have always struggled with love and always questioned what it is exactly and from this comes relationship questions, when is the right time? is she the one for me? is this merely physical attraction (again)? how do i know when god is calling me to a relationship.

'the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment'

I have seen this above quote in two books, neither referencing each other, i can only assume that they are oblivious to the fact or that its a clear signal from god to me.
what is joy? joy is seen to be above happiness, near the feeling of love and Ecstasy, in fact we see that true moments of joy are not recognised till after the actual event, we do not and can not directly say 'I am experiencing joy' on the contrary joy to me is like 'good times' we have as memories in our minds. During the joy and the good times we are completely unaware of it however it takes a quick reminisce into the situation to be able to acknowledge that it was a good time and it was joy. Furthermore what is it to be intimate? I do not think it is specifically for relationships as we often talk of having intimate time with a friend or intimate time with god, however I can relate being intimate to the issue of love, when we truly love a person (be it as a friend or as something more) we have a desire to be intimate with them, conclusively being intimate is something more common than we think, being intimate could simply mean asking questions to someone to get to know them, however it could also mean enjoying a time of 'sexual' intimacy with a lover.

The quote makes complete sense to me now as it has been set on my heart and mind for meditation over the past month or so. When we make a commitment we seem to expect something, however I think many of us fail to realise that that something is so simple, the reward of our commitment is merely having n intimate understanding of whom you are committing to. we see this is friendships, in relationship, in work places, in sports teams and in fact pretty much everywhere there is human socialisation we are able to ever so slightly observe this.

Let us return to the scripture this post will be based on, this scripture tells us to not 'arouse or awaken love until it so desires'. I think its safe to assume that in this sense 'arouse' means to play with love, to tease it in the sense that we play with the idea of love and try to enter into the commitments of love without comprehending or even understanding the concepts of responsibility that is involved, we try to awaken love before we are ready for it. Of course our human ignorance tells us that we are ready for it, our human senses know nothing of the dangers involved for us as humans in the idea of love, we want to take all the love we can get and reap in the rewards without and consequences of course this follows the logic of trying to eat the icing of the cake without the cake, it tastes great at the time but shortly after we realise our indulgence was short lived and we begin to feel sick with ourselves. A latter problem with this scripture is 'until it so desires' it would be logical enough for us all to think, 'well how will we know when it desires?'
we cannot wait around in dismay for love to take ahold of us, a fools thoughts derive from letting things play as they may and that he has no control over these events. conjointly we have the power to make loves desire to enter our life a quick or a slow process. If we all waited for love to capture us I think its safe to say that we would all be sitting ducks. So what are the signs? being a victim and a straggler with the idea of love itself and with relationships I cannot say that my advise will get you anywhere however I can only try through a story of my own.

My first and last relationship came to me not too long ago however I think its important for me to include the advice given to me by a close friend that was consulting me in my struggle with love she said something along the lines of 'trust me, when you stop looking for someone they will find you' as I look into her current situation I cannot say this speaks true to her, however it had a significant effect on me, since the sprouting of my armpit hair I had always been trying to chase love, to catch it and be 'cool' like the other kids who had girlfriends, funnily enough it only led me into the solitary singleness that i am in now and that would've made me beg the lord for a new life at one point. Love was it as far as I'm concerned, our only point to life (biologically) is to reproduce, this starts with a relationship and as far as i was concerned back then if i didn't have that i didn't have anything.
I struggled with this advise at first but one day just gave up on searching, gave up on love itself, and surely soon enough a relationship came to me first and foremost in a friendship. conclusively this didn't last too long however its a lesson of patience for me, sometimes we think we are so useless because we try so hard at something and continue to let it fall apart. So often have I seen this in relationships and its hard to intervene as people cannot get past their human biology of sex. I do not know what the signs of love are however I think one thing to do is to confess, if you find yourself thinking about a person constantly, and you really do think they may be 'the one' for you, take it seriously and consult your close friends and family.

Often we try to tackle life all on our own and this consequently leads to us failing and thinking because of our failure that we are useless, this is not the case. I often say that no-one knows you better than you (other than god himself obviously) however I think its important to note that in times of dismay and trouble our very own perspective on ourselves is realigned to fit with the thing we currently want, consulting with others is helpful in these times as it reminds us that people do know you well, people are there to help you, some people may even be as close as family themselves, its these people that can define the unchanging qualities of our personality and when they see us in that light it helps to think with a clear mind and analyse a situation to our true desires.

so once again i restate these quotes

from scripture : 'do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires'
from literature : 'the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment'

To sum this up I would advise us all to ask these questions about love.

1. Is this me chasing love or is this the love that has been waiting for me to look from where I was running?
2. Am I trying to awaken love before I'm ready?
3. Am I ready to committ myself fully to this love and if so does the person I love desire me also?

the advice I also gave to someone whilst in their struggle was that love is a two way street, if only one of you is ready to committ your life to the other then it needs to be reconsidered, if only one wants sex (for their pleasure) then it needs to be reconsidered.

The general message here is obvious to myself, and I pray that it will be obvious to you now as you read, Love is without a doubt one of the most written, recorded and thought about idea in our world today, that is alongside the controversy of the bible, which funnily enough coincides with the idea of love itself as we can see.

Live life without complaint, and Love till the point exhaustion.

(please note in this post i am talking about love in the sense of marriage and life commitments, i have addressed in a previous post the different aspects that love has)

Peace, Daniel

Love is a Doing Word

2008-02-01T02:51:00.000-08:00

in being half way through a book that talks about love and relationships, and having just finished one talking about love and lust, and having based my life around it, i begin to think. what is love? truly and honestly, what is it?

the dictionary defines love as the following.

"An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person."

would you think this to be a fair interpretation of the one thing that this world is moulded around (or should be, lord knows its certainly a missing factor in todays world), the one thing that can cause so much pain to someone because they supposedly 'fell in love' why do we say we 'fell' as if we couldn't control the feeling, this terminology seems quite ludacris to myself. we excuse things for the sake of love, 'why did you leave her?' 'because i was in love with her and it was the only way to protect her', every religion talks about it, whether from the positive spectrum or not, all beliefs are based around it and all deeds are done through it.

it has become conclusive to me that love is more than meets the eye, more than our minds can comprehend, more than our world could ever offer. Massive Attack describe love as a 'doing word' in their song, teardrop more lyrics from this describe love as the 'teardrop on the fire' of the world, what damage would a drop of water have to a blazing fire? none, why is it this way today?
C.S lewis wrote a book on it called "The Four Loves" i have yet to read it but its based on the four loves of our world which are as follows

* 1 Affection
* 2 Friendship
* 3 Eros
* 4 Caritas

the former two are obvious and self explanatry but the latter two are probably rare words to us so let me elaborate,

Eros (έρως) is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from sexuality, which Lewis calls Venus. so in this character of love it is defined as being in love, which relates to 'falling in love' which implies a marriage or long term partnership to us

Caritas (agapē, αγαπη) is an unconditional love directed towards one's neighbor which is not dependent on any lovable qualities that the object of love possesses. from wikipedia that is a complex sentence so let us break that down to laymans terms. A loves B but independantly of the lovable qualities of B, so essentially we get to the religious side of things for the only one we know to love like this would be god.

so here we have three basic loves that are earthly and the last being supernatural. it would appear logically to me that the former three are striving and attaining to be like the 4th, but failing incomaprably to do so. shakespeare himself has written the vast majority of his works around the idea of love, i once read a poem of his (very long i may add) that describes the love between a turtle and a phoenix, as odd as this sounds shakespeare puts it well in this poem

"Reason, in itself confounded,
Saw division grow together;
To themselves yet either-neither,
Simple were so well compounded

That it cried how true a twain
Seemeth this concordant one!
Love hath reason, reason none
If what parts can so remain"

there is no reason in love, love knows no standards and it strikes wherever the connection occurs. its brings the divided together, its puts together the broken piece and it is full of twisted truths, yet at the end of it, when we find it. it appears so simple "Simple were so well compounded" to us that love may occur, how did we miss it beforehand, it was right in front of us how did we not grasp it?

let me back this up with some scripture, a piece that i love (funny that)

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. "

love, to us is something we characterise, something we try to put into perspective, a concept that has blown our minds until we learned to define and refine. yet here god tells us that love has no characteristics, it's simply love. it does not fear, does not hold grudges and does not have fovourites, its simple love. no one can take love away and no-one has more right to it than any other person, it simply loves. we cannot justify love and we cannot refuse to recieve it, it simply loves.

Switchfoot wrote 'look what a mess we've made of love' what is he comparing todays love to? being a christian himself does he mean god's love? how can we mess up love? it simply loves.

i think the only power we have over love is the choice to use it or not, we can withhold it from people, from this decision the love in the air is shortened, its choked and starved, we need love to survive. its been proven that without human contact babie's die within 5 weeks of birth, it is wired into us to interact, to hurt, to speak, to care and to love.

Black Eyed Peas in their first and very succesful single 'where is the love' said this

"And if you hatin you're bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all"

here we see that if 'you hatin' then you are bound to go mad, hate only produces negativity, bitterness, anger and a selfish attitude, we need to love to stabilize this, 'you gotta have love to set it straight' how can we properly function in life with all this hate and anger around us, here it tells us to take control of our mind, do not let it slip and become angry at the small things, control yourself after all we do brag about it being 'our life' so how can you give in so easily to the bitterness and aggression of life, when we can put oursleves higher than that and 'let your soul gravitate to the love' two wrongs don't make a right, its so commonly said but do we mean it, do we see the philosophy behind such a statement?

Bob marley was due to perform one day on a public stage but was shot in the shoulder the day before it, we walked out of the hospital that day and went straight to the stage, someone stopped him and asked 'Bob, you shouldn't do this mon, you need rest' he replied with 'the bad people in this world won't rest till they see us collapse so how can we rest today and let them get what they want', i love Bob's music it demonstrates such love and passion in music that we ought to be striving for these days. then of course there is the famour 'god is love' statement, we have all heard it and i have put my own twist to it in an earlier post last year, but do we really know the signifigance of such a statement, essentially it works both ways, love is god and god in himself is love.

love is such a privelage, such a godly desire, we all yearn to be loved, really its all we truly want in life, love is the basis of our existence, the basis of all religion and the basis of our lives for if our parents didn't love us chances are you wouldn't be alive to read this here and now. how will you show love in your life? will you research it and have a humble understanding of it? or will you be like the multiple person's i have known and fall in love with the concept of love itself.

Limp Bizkut wrote in their song 'Lonely World'

"It's like love, some people get it
For some it's just a glove that just never fitted
For me it's just a pain in the ass
But i'm addicted to the taste of hopin' it could last"

for some love is fortunate nad in their favour, they have a good life and find thier soulmate first pop, no worries, they are set, for others its the glove that never fitted, that math's equation that was always too hard or that DIY job they simply couldn't be bothered with, for most it is that 'pain in the ass' but we are all addicted to it, all addicted to the vast reward it gives us when we finally conquer it. the day we find true love we find in ourselves something we have never seen before suddenly and finally we see ourselves giving all for the one we love, we find ourselves constantly think of the person, we become paranoid when they are five minutes late home from work, we fear for their safety and want to do all we can to protect them in life.

may we all find this love one day, and may we all live a life of love, love that shows who we are, love that will brighten someones day, love that could put a smile to the face of someone who might be planning suicide. love that builds character and inspires us to follow our dreams.

Dan

Roadmaps And Revelations.

2008-01-28T15:24:00.001-08:00

This post may be long, tis named after the 'parachute band' album as i think it is appropriate for the very long road trip i have been on.

consisting of 13 days, hundreds of photos, meeting many new faces and jumping like crazy to many many different bands this road trip is going to be one i will remember for a long time to come.

to begin with, big day out. what an experience as a newcomer to this event, to see people passionate about playing and listening to music and getting an insight into their lives through music is in short what this trip has been focused on. to see the NZ band Shihad live in concert was simply amazing, the passion and energy they put into their performances makes you think its their first time playing, Jon Toogood (the lead singer/guitarist) is closing in on 40 and yet he looks and plays like a passionate 20 year old it gave me inspiration and motivation in life, the lyrics from Shihad and Rage Against The Machine are so liberating to know that I'm not the only one who realises how screwed up this world is, in fact the numbers only continue to grow for that area.

its an awe inspiring thing to see many non-christian bands talk about that 'something more' in their lyrics and it gives me confidence to go on spreading the loving news of Jesus. Jon Toogood puts it wonderfully in his song "Boat Song"

"All of us, connected
All of us on the same road home
And if one should fall or falter
Then we all reach down together as one
And we lift them up again"

we are all one through Christ and even as non-believers we feel some connection to everyone in our world, we feel responsible for the well-being of others, we feel obliged to love. love is the universal language of which we all understand and correlate to one another, we cannot deny or reject for we all love to be loved and to give love, love can be the most devastating emotion known to us and i have seen it do that to too many people, but at the same time nothing can compare to it when it goes right and i have seen that in many people also.

Jon knows How important individuality is and how easy it is to sometimes just go with the crowd and disappear into the depths of society, he expresses this so well in his song 'the brightest star'

"When you go against the grain
do you know just how beautiful you are
when there's nothing left to say
you're the brightest star

We're like the water at the edge of a wave
that gets left upon the shore
disappears into the sand
and was seen no more."

that needs to explanation, the lyrics themselves are beautiful enough.

"now for every boy and every girl
with all the pain and joy in the world
we don't mean nothing without love"

"And there's a fire in my heart that will not die"

"Sunset, sunrise
See the world changing right before you eyes
Go with it. It's a ride
You gotta live for everyday until you die"

i could go on more, but the point is that we all feel to some degree a sense on unity, connectedness and most importantly a feeling of love all around us, its hard in these dark times to give in to the deceptiveness of the media, to fall into the mindless back chat of gossip and popularity, we all want things but there is something that is universal, call it being human, call it god, call it money, call it whatever you may but it all roots from love, without it we are nothing and from it we can gain everything.

whilst travelling the roads of new zealand i get inside me even more a sense of such worth, we have such a wonderful life and we take it all for granted, we make no effort to give this kind of life to others, we indulge in our own selfish wants, we have such a wonderful life handed to us on a silver platter and all we can think of is how goog we look, what others think of us, how 'manly' we are we don't take one second to think about those that have nothing and have to rummage in the trash can's for one small meal a day, we don't stop to think about the 60,000 kids that die every year due to HIV and AIDS, are we blind to our own devastation, our ignorance is going to be the demise of our freedom, the cause of our destruction. meanwhile in more than 40 countries around the world we are not allowed to express our christian faith and doing so leads to imprisonment and persecution and more likely execution, consider the story of the young boy who's village was invaded by guerrilla warfare, they were shooting people waiting to speak up this 13 year old boy stood up and said 'I am frank (not actual name, should have taken notes on this story) and i am a soldier of Christ' the men walked towards him, cut his arm off and asked him to repeat himself, "I am frank and i am a soldier of Christ" he said again just before they cut his other arm off, "what did you say?" they asked. he spluttered "i am frank and i am a soldier of Christ" they sliced his chest and stomach open and demanded he stopped speaking, he fell to the ground and whilst coughing blood he said "I am frank and i am a soldier of Christ" they then be-headed him.

there are so many more stories like this that i could give you all but the message is clear, regardless of your beliefs, regardless of your background i believe we all need to be aware of the persecution in our world. it is so easy to slip back into our daily routine and forget all about it, but our world is calling for some great people to sort out this mess, Will you be one of them? or will you become as i say 'just another statistic' will you step up to the mark? or will you simple disappear into the sand like the tip of a wave.

Parachutes motto is
'God and music is a powerful thing, but it takes an army to keep the music going'
in the midst of worship with 'parachute band' i looked back beyond me to see thousands of people filling this field and stands, all with their arms raised in praise to our father in heaven, it may have been the atmosphere or it may have been just a feeling but i felt something saying to me right then that something is happening in our country, a revelation is unfolding to the undeniable and heart breaking truth of Jesus Crucifixion and sacrifice on the cross that day. in the middle of my moshing to the band 'all left out' in the song switch over i got a tap on the shoulder, thinking it was one of my friends i turned around to see a young woman wanting to respond to me T-shirt, so whilst their new song came on i was explaining to this woman why Jesus died on the cross, it was one of the most memorable moments of my life and i can remember it so vividly.
i feel god wanting to work in my life and i feel him doing so but i cannot express my regretfulness as i don't put in all the effort i could on my behalf, i feel guilty for it, i feel so unworthy of my god's love and its so easy for everyone to feel this but the bible tells us in Romans 3:23

'for all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of god and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came through Christ Jesus'

we are all sinners and god knows it, he sent his son to take the punishment that we all deserve rightfully, the keyword in this passage is 'freely' it is our choice completely to accept or deny this fact of redemption and grace that god gives us, Romans 6:23 then says

'for the wages of sin is death but the gift of god is eternal life in Christ Jesus our lord'

we all deserve punishment and that punishment is death, we cannot make it right, we cannot let it go because what wrong we do always bugs us later on in life, threes a reason for this. god works in our life through our shame and it is his right to for our shame will bring us back to him, it will make us question our existence and our meaning in our meaningless life.

everything on this world has been given to us for a reason for a purpose, for our enjoyment and pleasure, but why are we worthy of this pleasure and joy, everything happens for a reason and you are not reading this by coincidence or by luck, you have been out on this page by god, he is my rock and my passion, i cannot give up on this world, i know there is more to it than what meets the eye i know that we are all winners, the great example of this is that we we're all sperm once upon a time racing with millions others towards that egg, the others didn't make it but you did, your own life is a living witness of how special you are, we all endure hard times that is the simple fact of life and i know of too many people that have gone through so much, but very few of us give up, we know that life is worthwhile for some reason and we all feel like there is a reason to living life, and i tell with all my heart and soul right now that there is a reason, we do have a purpose and you can take away my computer, my microphone, my rights, my freedom and I'm going to say it anyway, our meaning, our purpose is Jesus.

'i hope you finally find what you have been searching to find, i hope that you realise that it was there all along'

God i waiting for us to live out the wonderful life he has for us, once again, will you be a statistic or will you step up and make a difference.

'he took it all on the cross and got my sin's erased and now I'm free as can be I'm just free to be me'

god has filled a hole is my life, he took me when i was at the end of my demise and since then he has been unfolding wonders in my life, i have never been happier and i pray with all my heart that everyone i encounter will know of this happiness one day, my mind has been set on the way to love life and this motto is for the sake of god completely.

expect nothing.
love everyone.

The beginning of meaning

2008-01-11T02:42:00.000-08:00

Meaning, what is it? We judge things on it, every word holds a meaning and every plant holds a meaning to serve nature, everything we see in front of us in our PC holds a meaning and a purpose, we deny and accept peoples arguments based on the meaning of their existence and logic. As humans we are wired to find purpose and meaning in life, and the first week of 2008 has revealed to me what has meaning in my life, after being the ‘sober driver’ till 1:20 am last night I can conclude that the meaning of my participation in drunkenness is to show my love and humility through my acceptance and patience for the situation at hand. I no longer feel the need to fill my life with meaningless drinking and sexual temptation, instead I feel myself ready and able to show Jesus’ love through my actions and by being an ambassador for my faith to others. This first week of 2008 could not have gone any better, I now have joint ownership over a new car (a real steal for the price paid) which is followed by my yielding of a restricted license, I am about to embark on a spiritual metaphorical road trip in which I am going to discover new places in our beautiful country and live every moment with the grace of God and love of Jesus. Henceforth this shall be my new year’s resolution, to live in and about Christ allowing him to speak in my actions and show himself through my love and acceptance. In addition to this I begin my manager training at work from when I get back from this journey, things appear to be getting off to a brilliant start and I plan to keep it this way.

My acceptance of others beliefs has opened more in the last two months than ever in my life, I have had the privilege of god softening my heart over the past couple of months to the devastation in our world, the sadness and poverty in which Jesus’ message has vanished, I feel resentful to some extent sitting here on my mothers flash laptop, roof over head, sitting on a comfy couch with slightly more weight than desired due to my over indulgence and sloth like behaviour since school has finished. I feel disgusted every time I see how Americans live their lives, catching a glimpse of their wealthy lifestyle through the show ‘my super sweet sixteen’ where a 16 y/o girl received $300,000 worth of jewellery, a brand new convertible $48,000 BMW and in conclusion more than a million dollars worth of spoilt royalty and presents. It makes me feel anguish and depression in knowing how the rich in our world continue to resent and deny the existence of poverty while they live in their multimillion dollar homes eating daily meals that cost more than what you and I would spend weekly on groceries.

It makes me sad yet enlightens my life in knowing all this, thus allowing me to begin the massive work of improving my life, asking for god to break my heart for what breaks his and teach me to love like he has loved me, this I see to by my meaning in life. I do not see fit for me to continue in doubt and low self esteem for my life, I am going to commence with my satisfying other’s expecting nothing in return and quite literally serving others with my hands and feet, I do feel content with my life, my beliefs and my meaning in life I cannot see myself living any other way than that of which I have been living in this past week, I find my tolerance for anger and bitterness increasing as my temptation equally decreases for violence, cursing and judgmental behaviour.

In conclusion (in hope of not boring you all with the length of my post’s) I can confidently say that my life is back, because I have given it up to god, not fully but in saying that its not a short easy task. I am calm, peaceful and content in all situations and I constantly see myself being with the ability to share my beliefs openly and with an open mind with other’s opinions on my beliefs. I am continuing being challenged by god and it’s a reviving feeling to know that there is always something to improve on.

Peace be with you all.

Dan / Chips

Advent Revelation.

2007-12-23T23:23:00.000-08:00

in the Latin advent directly translates to 'coming' or 'the coming', henceforth my post means the coming revelation. be it the jolly season of the big fat man in red, pavlova and the generosity of kiwis spending over 1 billion dollars over the past month on presents i thought it necessary to do a little background research. whilst browsing the trade me threads i came across the term 'saturnalia' and a person saying that anyone who celebrates Christmas is deceiving themselves and actually celebrating this event. Saturnalia is the feast at which the Romans commemorated the dedication of the temple of the god Saturn, which took place on 17 December. Over the years, it expanded to a whole week, up to 23 December. this struck me and made me want to go deeper into the origins of Christmas. Christmas is effectively the conjoined term for Christ's mass, hence the reason we give and love in this season because we are massing for Christ and therefore it 'should' be our most humble and holy time of the year for us, however thanks to the hefty and reliable commercialism and consumerist ways of our society, this is not the case. The prominence of Christmas Day increased gradually after Charlemagne was crowned on Christmas Day in 800. Around the 12Th century, the remnants of the former Saturnalia traditions of the Romans were transferred to the Twelve Days of Christmas. so its safe to assume that Christmas is today's most updated and accurate version of saturnalia, however in the same sense it is not celebrating the same thing as saturnalia is. so what is Christmas actually celebrating? firstly it asks us to remember the birth of Immanuel (Jesus of Nazareth) albeit not the actual date (according to the roman and Jewish calendars back then the 'actual' date found by many researchers is august 15) the idea is that Jesus was beyond the worth of a birthday and that everyday was a day of glory for him, hence at the end of the year we take time to look back and thank Jesus for all he is done. in the more practical and simple terms Christmas (to those that don't consider themselves spiritual) is about giving, not for the sake of being acknowledged or for the sake of wanting something in return but simply giving from our hearts, giving from love to those that need to know that we care, those less fortunate. all over New Zealand cities have mission dinners (or lunches) on Christmas day and they only way these events are possible is through the generosity of the city itself (in the form of donations to the food bank and tithes to the ministry (tithe being the donation of money for a cause.) however in saying this we must relise that the idea of giving directly relates to the basis of Easter. Jesus gave his all, gave his life and took all our suffering and pain that we rightly deserve, in taking to much abuse and humbly giving his life to those that wanted it he gave it to all of us, saint Nicholas (more commonly recognised as Santa Claus in today's society) was a bishop of turkey. He was born during the third century in the village of Patara. He had a reputation for secret gift-giving so this is where the idea of giving came from, it came from a christian, therefore in being known for his gift giving the one thing that remained in saint Nicholas' mind was Jesus. so i ask you, and with all discernment.
do you really know what you are celebrating? what is the real reason of happiness within this season?

its a season full of generosity and loving, who are we doing it for? obviously the first answer that comes to mind is each other, but if that be the answer why don't we all sit back and just expect it to be handed to us with a silver lining, nobody asks for presents yet we all conform and think we must satisfy one another with our gifts, we obviously don't do it for ourselves otherwise we would halt presents altogether and dwell in our greed and selfishness, we're not doing it for the other person as they don't ask for anything, so deep down. what is the purpose to it all? why do we continue this ritual known to us as Christmas. effectively it is Christ's mass, regardless of your beliefs and your background, if you partake in the gift giving and the indulgence of lights and festival then we are all really coming together for Christ's cause in life which was to give and to love.

It is the advent of our society.

many blessings and best of wishes for all your holidays to come.

much love

Dan

Love is God

2007-12-16T01:13:00.000-08:00

quite recently i have been getting a bit too slack on my spiritual side of life, on the other hand i have really been enjoying the holidays, then on the other hand my love life is a bit confusing (my feelings for someone mainly) don't get me wrong a relationship is the last of my worries but i suppose (seeing as i live in the moment) we will just have to wait to see whats happening on that side of things..

wow, Christmas is here... time just fly's these days and it seems like yesterday that i was doing my round of shopping and feeling blessed to be giving out of my heart (not for the sake of Christmas, and its materialised ways) and out of the simple love i have for my friends and family, i feel i have really grown this year, and most of all it has been a year of recovery and regeneration. As i walked around the hutt thinking about what to buy for certain people, i felt a sense of divinity, a sense of pure generosity and love, surely if i had enough money i would have been there all day and forgotten completely about work that night, but hey that's life. once again words fall terribly short of describing what i felt, but without a doubt it was a spiritual time for me.

i feel big parts of my life continuing to grow and improve and i am certain it is due to my closeness to the lord, there is no doubt in my mind now that link hutt city church is my home (spiritually) and i intend to sow seeds there and dedicate myself to bringing more people into this wonderful community within this church. i certainly feel that ever since i first when to this church god has been softening my heart and humbling my mind, i always liked to be the 'glass half full' kind of person but only recently have i found that it has become a way of living for me.

This morning in Church Paul talked about knowing god, and it struck me that all though i know god to some extent, my focus lately has been in having knowledge about him rather than knowledge for him.I feel constantly challenged by god and the impartation of his word into my life and its truly an enlightening thing to know that no matter how much i improve my relationship with him, there will always be something more i can do to make it better.Paul also mentioned that once we know god, that is what we will be doing for eternity and that truly knowing god is our key to heaven rather than the declaration of our acceptance of Jesus being our saviour. (well that second part is my conclusion anyway)

OK now for the depth of my post, Love is God- that is my adaptation of the all too famous 'god is love' i find that when we say it this way it explains a lot of the queries raised such as 'no love is a universal reasoning and feeling and therefore if you are concluding that if you don't know god you don't know love' i have heard this argument being fought at so many times and i think saying "love is God' links into the idea that god is within every one of us and that when we love, we are being godly in the sense that that love in itself is god and that when we love we feel an inner sense of divinity and grace throughout us, for to love is to be like god and therefore to be like god is to love.

(my thoughts are very scrambled this evening as i have been meaning to post for a while but had net problems so therefore am trying to put to many thoughts into one post)

another observation recently is that we as humans are finely tuned to impressing one another, whether it be on a humble level of impressing someone with your athletic skills or your academic skills, right through to the almost pornographic sense of impressing someone at a party to try and 'get lucky', to some degree we are all looking for some satisfaction, i myself get this satisfaction when someone acknowledges how caring i am or anything really to do with my persona. this idea of being impressed or impressing someone is not one to be taken lightly, because like with other things, it can be a godly attribute to us or it can be used by the devil to send us into the ground and destroy what little self esteem we may have. for example; by acknowledging that someone has impressed you and telling them, they may either A. take it to heart and continue to strive to do well at what it was they were doing, thus being the godly side, or B. take it to their mind and get arrogant about it and begin to think 'oh why should i listen to you, you're not as good as me' and that type of attitude, thus being the evil (not sure about that use of word) side to things. the essential thing, in my opinion, is to live in the moment, striving at where you passion lies and take everything said comprehensively to the heart, for it is there that you will find a true meaning to what is being said and it is important to use your mind for your thoughts but at the same time get a healthy balance between your minds thoughts and what your heart is pulling you to do.

i think i have addressed the majority of the thoughts that have been roaming my mind the last week or so and if its really important, I'll add it later.

Blessings and much love

Dan

Refreshing Warmth

2007-11-25T18:16:00.000-08:00

i certainly have a habit of titling my posts with 'R' words huh? hehe

well this weekend has once again been a beneficial one in making my vital decision as to which church I'm going to stick to, once again i went to hopes church in the morning (hope is the friend i mentioned in my previous post, in case you didn't catch it) and i felt it quite warming. all though I'm one for big concerts and jump around to music i feel as though arise emphasises the music rather than a focus on god and i think link hutt city offers this better focal point on the lord, whilst waiting for time to pass before going to arise me and my wonderful mother decided to bring out ye ole photo albums.. now most teenagers get blush and all embarrassed with this but thanks to many awakenings this year i have managed to over come it and appreciate the aesthetic value to it, in fact it bought countless smiles to my face. i also must mention that in youth meeting (at link) we talked about Philippians 3:12 which i quite liked, now this post is mainly emphasising the point of approaches to preaching from a passage because all though we didn't preach on it at link, we addressed the passage and got a good understanding of it. now funnily enough our guest pastor at arise spoke on exactly the same passage, however sadly he didn't do a very good job on it (from my point of view) in fact he was quite a pessimist in some of the things he was talking about and only referred to the pas

sage a few times. the beauty of the bible is that it can be perceived in so many ways by so many different people and this certainly opened my heart to that point..

(i hate losing my train of thought) hmmmmm..

now on a semi related note i must mention that i have been getting some compliments from a few very genuine people as of lately, two people said that my writing (as presented to you on this page) is wonderful,fluent,easy to read and very interesting- this made me smile. later on Sunday after arise i went to a group called prayer's and pudding's this group is organised by my lovely friend Mava and was it was a pleasure to be there, the atmosphere was very open minded and genuine, and during this group meeting a good friend of mine said to me "y'know the more i get to know you the more i get to have a very deep respect for you" it took me by shock that he said as it was quite out of the blue, however it was a pleasant shock and i really was taken a back from words and only managed to say 'why thank you very much'. Later that very same night i was on the trade me message boards (taken quite a liking to them recently), of which i have met some interesting character's on here, one of which gave me my most humbling comment yet 'you have a very good eye for the disposition of truth within the bible and with this the holy ghost will work through you', before i go any further let me modestly mention that I'm not one to take compliments to the head and let it build my ego, i take them in with appreciation and reflect on what was said and how it is relevant to myself.

almost every day since the service last week at hopes church i have been having awakenings and the lord has been softening my heart to the reality of this world and what my part will play in it. I'm not expecting prophesies to unfold in front of me or for me to begin a preaching course at anytime, that is for the lord to decide, however i have been truly humbled in letting god take such a huge part in my life (hopefully one day i will be able to say that he is my life)

in total reflection of these past two weeks i am glad to say that my distance from the Lord has in total reality become a great distance less.

may he bless and nurture you all, thank you for reading.

Relaxing Awakening

2007-11-20T21:20:00.000-08:00

this past sunday has yet been one of my best, i particiapated in two church services. the morning service i went to was of the old church of christ which i have many memories in, tis now called link hutt city church and is owned and operated by my friend hope's family, they invited me to their home for lunch and i took pleasure in accepting. they have a lovely house and lovely family. the night service (at arise) was wonderful and i really put all my energy into the worship which was quite refreshing in a way. it has now been a month since my baptism and i can certainly say that the devil has worked very hard to tempt me and at times suceeded, however i feel that this previous weekend has caused an awakening in me of which i need to follow through in. i ripped through 'the pursuit of god' within a few days of lapsed readings, at only 10 chapters and 120 pages i can safely say that it should be renamed as 'the christians handbook to living a righteous life' with small prayers following every chapter it has certainly helped to shape my way of living and my attitude into one that will be all for god. followed up with some research online of my own i have been quite enlightened these past few days and have a great joy in saying that i love everyday that i am on this earth for our universe is within the lord himself and every creation i see is one of god. this is a common concept for christians to apply but i think that rarely is it ever understood in full context. i think this would have to be the first time in my life that i have felt so.. honestly words can't describe it but i think in all honesty that i feel at ease with myself as a person, i feel so much more loving to everyone i encounter and i just feel so content with life and anything it wants to throw at me next.
this is more of a milestone post rather than providing insight to recent discoveries, i acknowledge i have had these sort of milestones before but when this one lasts 5 day's i am 99% assured this is going to last. i have written the preface today to what will someday be my autobiography, my goal is to a chapter every year which will ironically enough be based on that previous year, firstly i need to get the past 16 years done, this is a sure thing and it feels assuring to set myself such a goal and i tend to tackle it with all my soul.
only ten more days to go before the devil will stop trying so hard to tempt me away from the lord. i honestly don't know when i wil publish my first book however that is something to consider in th future, right now im living for the moment and in the moment for today is all we really have when it comes down to it, tommorow is the promise that was never made.
i finished 'the life of pi' a few days and i must take time here to recommend it to all. it is truely a masterpiece, it grips you and leaves you at the end thinking 'how simply beautiful'
i think that will be it for now.

god bless

Religionism

2007-11-08T18:10:00.000-08:00

obviously not a word but after this post you will see how it relates.

in being only 78 pages into the book "the life of Pi" it already has my mind stricken with many questions and intriguing thoughts, the book is about a little Indian boy who takes on three religions, growing up as a Muslim taking on Christianity secondly and Hinduism thirdly, we are told in quite good detail in this book the spiritual experiences of this young boy which has led up to him being 15 years old and occupying three religions, he confidently quotes Gandhi (i wish i could at that age) 'all religions are true' in my knowledge Gandhi was a very knowledgeable man and one of the known few to reach 'enlightenment' spiritually so it is in our interest to not disregard this statement, Pi(full name being Piscine) then goes on to say to his father in reference to Hinduism and Christianity. "They both claim Abraham as theirs, Muslims say the God of the Hebrews and Christians is the same as the God of Muslims. They recognise David, Moses and Jesus as prophets" with this said i looked from my bench chair and observed the birds feeding on my freshly cut lawn and thought "as i commonly think and like to research on the fact that all living things are part of the same world and the same universe, can we also be a part of the same religion?, is Christianity, Muslim, Hinduism and Judaism all a derivation of some ultimate truth, just as Catholicism,anglicism and every denomination is in effect part of the same truth which is Christianity.
certainly without doubt the more i study these things the more i can connect and the more refreshing my mind feels as it comes to new enlightenment's, i have no doubt in the existence of God but what of religion? you will hear many Christians say 'I'm not in a religion I'm in a relationship" and personally that's the way i see it too, but we have as a society classified it as a religion, so what is the definition of religion? (here's where i tab browse wictionary!)
The original Latin term is religio which means a moral obligation or worship. Today in English we define it as
'Any system or institution which one engages with in order to foster a sense of meaning or relevance in relation to something greater than oneself.'
so here we are referring to it as a system or institution, both in effect the same thing and both imply that there are certain operations and styles to it, like for example rehabilitation; on top of this it is saying that the sole purpose of it is too find 'meaning or relevance' and furthermore it mentions a higher power something 'greater than oneself'
taking this into note i do indefinitely class myself as a christian but the point I'm raising here is whether god intended or not for different religions which in the whole hold faith through him but in turn they clash in some of their beliefs, obviously as genesis mentions to us god intended for a peaceful world with him ultimately acknowledged as the greater good and the alpha omega.
it is here where i might like to point out that religion is a man made wonder, however it holds the same attribute as gravity; it was always there, modern man simply gave it a name and put in context.
i myself believe in some sort of energy chakras and that our 'greater consciousness' has some divine connection with the planet and with God alone, in reading the above you may think i am questioning the beliefs of Christianity. This is not the case, quite stubbornly i have complete faith in the fact that Jesus walked the earth, was crucified, rose again and is ultimately our true saviour (along with the contributing 'must have' beliefs for Christianity) i am merely raising that point that religion is a man made object and ironically is subjective to ones opinion on the matter, therefore i think it is quite possibly completely call religion in itself a religion, a modern paradox yes however along the very lines that i find myself on at the moment it seems to make perfect sense, it may be appropriate to add here that every spiritual experience i have had has indeed been very intimate with my inner self and majoratively intimate with God. you may now be thinking about the minority that weren't with god so let me try to word this.
i have had many moments (mostly while indulging in nature) that have been ecstatically (see the definition of Ecstasy in wiktionary) enlightening and thought provoking, during which i was purely thinking of the wonder of nature in itself and how much we are missing out in everyday life because we are so hectic and self obsessed with our work, mans ability to spend so long studying, working and generally doing indoor activities will be the abomination of his sensitivity to natures wonders.

therefore i pledge to you, spend minimal time working and studying for every second you are indoors you miss out on the wonders of gods world that he intended for us to enjoy not neglect.
challenge yourself to open new doors every month or so, research on something you have no slightest clue on, whether it be on religion, the history of a country or even the life of someone you thought to be great (be it philosophers or even sports persons, who cares?)
be it the most struggling year of my life it has without a doubt been the most insightful and learning year of my life thus far.

*no doubt i will be looking into Hinduism and what not about the basis of their beliefs*

God be with you all

*may as well leave you with a long sentence from the book that got me thinking*

'Words of divine consciousness: moral exaltation;lasting feelings of elevation, elation, joy; a quickening of the moral sense, which strikes one as more important than an intellectual understanding of things; an alignment of the universe along moral lines, not intellectual ones; a realisation that the founding principle of existence is what we call love, which works itself out sometimes not clearly, not cleanly, not immediately, nonetheless ineluctably. An intellect confounded yet a trusting sense of presence and of ultimate purpose'

Overflow

2007-10-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

Well this weekend has been great for me, saturday night was the night of my first proper ball and i must say i throughly enjoyed myself, not because i was dancing and eating (especially) and enjoying the company of my friends being all dressed up and snazzy. more thoroughly it was because it was my first social event that the temptations of alcohol and sexual urges were practically gone, its an... enlightening feeling to know that i can have a good time without any of that and just resting on god to keep my concoiusness clear and focused on him.
today, while lying in waitangi park soaking up the sun and enjoying the company of some new christian friends, i heard one of them say "apparently the devil tries hardest to tempt you during the 40 days after you baptism" and in hearing that i automatically linked it to the bible for when jesus was baptised and then tempted and tried in the desert by satan himself for 40 day's.
on top of this i believe i am finding a lot more ease to pray DURING everyday life not at night or in the morning but while things are happening and this has been a significant step in my faith i think as it allows me to acknowledge my sin and repent and ask for forgiveness right away rather than passing it off as "another thing to pray about for tonight" because let's be honest we can never remember all the things we put in that list can we?

then there was the greg laurie crusade tonight; Harvest.
to know that so many people came that there was not enough room in the TSB bank arena (events centre) and that they needed an OVERFLOW room for people who came late, to know this alone is quite overwhelming and had my heart overflowing with thanks and praise to God. of course i got involved in the moshing to the few songs by the couple of bands but as usual was keen to hear the preaching. my 'analysis' of greg's preaching is that it is very direct in terms of reaching to the lost and in terms of preaching from the bible, quotes left right and centre from the bible and c.s lewis and celibrities about what they thought if heaven were to exist.
all in all my heart was once again overflowing with thanks when i saw the dancefloor completely fill up with people ready to give their lives to christ i had to try not make a scene in my seating area by crying out (literally) and shout "praise the lord".
from my guess i would say 3 or 400 people came to christ this evening, in the past two nights the total was 1000, and in the past 2-3 weeks i would say we now have a total of over 1600, from church services, street preaching and harvest. words will never be able to express my joy of this moment, and on top of this i might have to go deeper into the subject.

i think that regardless of what kind of church people are in or are coming to christ through we are all inexplicably part of a concregation and henceforth one that is ever growing, i believe that yes denonimations have their differences but as long as people are pushed to read the bible then all is fair and well, for in reading the bible i have known many catholics to come out of their, undermining denonimation (in the sense that catholicism purposely ignores a lot of what jesus say's and what jesus stood for) god has been granting my prayers to soften my heart and through that i have heard phenomenal stories of hundred's, thousands and even millions making a commitment for god at the same venue. in the respect of that million figure, pastor levi (my baptist :D) in life group was speaking of taking action and spoke of a man who got called from god to travel america and share the gospel and in one of his conventions more than two million attended and around one million committed right then and there, the message behind this story was that when he was interviewed he was asked "do you feel privelaged?" he answered no because the lord had told him that before him god asked 5 other people, as far as he was concerned he was just doing his bidding in his faith.

(gargh there was so many thoughts running in my mind while i was at harvest that i wanted to blog about, lost hlaf of them.) yes well this has been half of my original thought train this weekend.
i guess sometimes there is just too much to talk about with me, infact thats generally the case.
yes i indeed love ranting :D mainly about god :D.

I think i shall leave it at that for tonight.

Please give me your thoughts on this.

God bless.

Daniel

A New Beginning

2007-10-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know I got baptised on Sunday will not know yet how it was, I remember my brothers word when I asked him how he felt when he got baptised, being a man of very few words but words of which are well thought out he only said 'it felt right' and I think I will have to follow this trait and explain it with the same words. Ever since Sunday I feel completely changed, not neccesarily in a radical way but in a way that tells me imp on my way to being who god want's me to be, since Sunday the only way I can describe it is that it was a new awakening within me.

I feel like if anyone were to ask me about my beliefs I would be a lot more open then I have been, one significant step in my life this year was that I started to not be afraid of talking about my faith, before Sunday I still would have slightly hesitated and thought a bit about my wording to not come off as one of those typical 'bible bashing preachers' as some may call us however right now I feel as though I would actually be proud in a way to talk about it, keen or hyped to talk.

I know these are all steps in my relationship with god but as my brother wisely pointed out it is persevering in these moments which is the real test, making sure our determination continues throughout our life sometimes in moments like on Sunday I can feel the.... ambition and inspiration in my eye's I can sense that I am determined thoroughly to spread the gospel. my spectrum of Christian friends continues to grow and I am continually challenged with which of my current friends I should possibly let go of but then it hit me, Jesus dwelled with sinners and tax payers and Pharisee’s for one purpose alone, to spread the gospel and share enlightenment, why should we not do the same? I understand the danger of getting too acquainted with aggressive and bitter person's and I now know that I need to keep a healthy tab on that balance between my Christian friends and my un-believing friends, in saying this I can assure you all that that balance is only ever improving.

in a sense I do feel different since Sunday but one thing I need to focus on most of all is not being a 'Sunday Christian' because that will create doubt in my faith as well as sloth (laziness).

there really isn't much else to say really apart from feeling like my heart is getting closer and closer to him everyday/week.

god be with you all and guide you towards him.

Societal Problems.

2007-10-05T19:14:00.001-07:00

found an article on someones blog on bebo, i think its amazing how much god is moving through our realm of internet into the metting places of millions of young people all around the world, i myself have been struggling with keeping close to god's word and reminding myself that life is so much more than fun and games.

anyway here is the article/blog, i really liked i

----

I am currently sitting on my Queen-size bed ,typing on my state of the art laptop. One glance around my room and you see an expensive stereo, a digital camera and a cellphone. My family is defined in the top 6% of income earners in New Zealand. I hate being rich. I hate wealth. Well, I don't hate wealth, I hate the fact that others are struggling well everything in my life is handed to me on a plate. A few months ago, I was almost oblivious to this fact. I mean, I saw the African kids on T.V., but I kept saying to myself
"Don't worry, they've got people taking care of that, just sit here and enjoy your life, most people are well off in the world anyway." . Over the past few months though, God has been softening my heart and creating awareness of how much the world needs us, as Christians, to stand up and show his love.

THE PROBLEM:

The world is a lost place. A place where inequalities between continents, countries, races and genders are extreme. No matter how much we've tried, how many people we've appointed, how many organisations (United Nations, Its time for some accountablilty) we have created, the world is not getting anywhere. "How can I make such a cynical judgment?" , you may ask. Well I can, because I've heard people's experiences of the world and I have the facts- Facts that will shock you:

1)The average Japanese woman can expect to live to be 84. The average Botswanan will reach just 39.

2)China has 44 million missing women.

3)Every cow in the European Union is subsidised by $2.50 a day. That's more than what 75 per cent of Africans have to live on.

4)More than 12,000 women are killed in Russia each year as a result of domestic violence.

5)One in five people lives on less than $1 a day

6)Landmines kill or maim at least one person every hour

7)A third of the world's population is at war.

8)There are 27 million slaves in the world today

9)Some 120,000 women and girls are trafficked into western europe
each year.

10)More people can identify the golden arches of McDonalds than the Christian cross.

These are only just a small fraction of the many horrible (some are even too much to put on bebo!) statistics there are on the world. This proves it: The world is lost. We have no hope, or do we? There is still hope. There is still time to make the world a better place..

The Challenge:

A Challenge to the Church:

”American churches have spent $8.1 billion on audio and projection equipment in the last year”

The church needs to start obeying God by having its focus on the lost, instead of trying to please its congregation by placing big screens, lights and other fancy technology in church. Granted, a lot of churches have lots of technology to increase its ministry, to draw more people in etc. but the fact the American churches have spent $8.1 billion on audio and projection is extreme. Imagine if they took that $8 billion, and used it to feed the hungry, give the homeless a home, and “tell the world that Jesus lives”, as the famous Hilsong song goes. What a ministry that would be!! God has commanded us in the bible to help the needy again and again, to find the lost, to tell others about god:

Deut. 15:7. If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks.
Deut. 26:12. When you have finished paying the complete tithe of your increase in the third year, the year of tithing, then you shall give it to the Levite, to the stranger, to the orphan and the widow, that they may eat in your towns, and be satisfied.
Lev. 19:19. Now when you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap to the very corners of your field, neither shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. Nor shall you glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather the fallen fruit of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the needy and for the stranger. I am the LORD your God.
Prov. 31:8. [Commandment to kings.] Open your mouth for the dumb, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.
Is. 58:66. Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke? Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into the house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
Jer. 22:3. Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor. Also do not mistreat or do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed innocent blood in this place.
Luke 12:33. "Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near, nor moth destroys."
Luke 3:11. And [John the Baptist] would answer and say to them, "Let the man with two tunics share with him who has none, and let him who has food do likewise."
Mt. 5:42. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
The church sometimes neglects this fact, even though Jesus himself spent his life with the poor, needy and lost. If the churches of the World combine together, and focus on changing the stats mentioned above, then God will truly move in this planet. We sing the song “Solution” by Hillsong United, which talks about us being God’s hands and feet, but do we really mean it? Do we really want to be his hands and feet, or do we just want to sit in our isolated Christian lives and do nothing.

At the moment, the leaders from my youth group are currently building houses in the slums of Mexico. After seeing the absolute poverty and the lost people, one of our leaders offered us challenge on the youth group blog:

“OK, so imagine this scene:
Jesus walks into Rojo Gomez* and sees the poverty, his heart melts and cries out in pain as he sees the conditions they live in, the sheet for a roof, the bare refrigerators, the dodgy wiring, the lack of running water, no sewage, beds without mattresses, clothes that have gone rotten because they have had to be stored outside…
So in seeing this need, he acts.
Would he stand on the roadside and say “I am the Son of God, build this family a house!” or would he gather people around him and quietly, without fanfare pick up a hammer and start building?
So, what will you do?
* Rojo Gomez is the name of the valley where the slum city we’re working is.”
That’s my question to the church.

WHAT WILL YOU DO? Will you preach to millions about giving and not give yourself? Or will you set the benchmark and give and give until you have given all you have?

A Challenge to us:

As Christians, we have a huge responsibility to help the needy, as the verses above tell us.

Sometimes though, we have no idea of how we can possibly help, or make any sort of change.

There are three ways you can make change:

1.) Through self-denial:
Giving up time, skills or money is the best way to affect change. Ways you can do this is vast. Volunteer at a local ministry or charity. Don’t have takeaways for six months, and instead give it to a charity etc.

If you need specific ideas of how you can help, bebo-mail/comment me.

2.) Through encouraging/pushing your government and church leaders to act.
Each and every person has a voice. If Christians stand up and make their voice heard, then change will happen. Simple as that.

3.) Through Prayer to God.
Nothing can happen without God. We need to pray, if we want the lost to be found.

So my challenge to you is to GET INVOLVED. I know its hard to know where to start, we have to try. I have to try. Because if we don’t try, our world is doomed.

----

just on another note, would appreciate some prayers as im really struggling with my faith at the moment.

am getting baptised come the 21st.

just hoping that i won't lose sight of god and his purpose for me by then as i don't want this baptism to be meaningless.

thanks all..

isn't it beautiful?

2007-09-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

going to attempt to write a poem, will just be thoughts however.

eternal cosmos.

your love for us is never ending and limitless,
like the earths orbit it is a never ending cycle.
we go on with our lives only taking what we need,
yet you offer so much more.

on and on life goes,
like the constant flow of the ocean.
we live our lives is despair,
desperate for the big picture.

there is so much more to life than politics and our economy,
so much more, yet we are all so seemingly blind.
to be blind is not a curse,
having sight without a vision is.

days, months, years pass us by yet we make no effort,
no effort to explore beyond the limitation's of our mind.
the stars are everlasting,
burning on and on, giving us hope and inspiration.

the stars are all part of a network, an eternal cosmos,
we fail to comprehend that we are part of this network.
the big picture is that we have given in to our 'insignificant other'
we are not living lives that are healthy let alone wholesome.

generations come and go, but it all stays the same,
we fathom venturing out of our normal train of thought.
finding something that is there yet so little of us can grasp it,
we feel its effect yet we fail to chase after it.

consumerism has consumed our world into damnation,
it has given us false hope and allowed us to abandon our Morales.
the inventions of our mind all have limitations,
yet we have lost so much vision that we cant separate the inventions from the conventions.

hundreds have come and go giving us messages,
messages of hope, inspiration, intelligence, morality, self worth.
we are all hearing these messages,
but are we listening?

the eternal cosmos is everlasting and its a cycle,
cycle between life and death.
in between we can find true joy and ecstasy,
we all know this yet fail to take action.

love inspires life, love is the essence of our existence,
but what of supernatural love?
we all feel a sense of supernatural or spiritual love,
and it enquires and inspires within us something that is real and everlasting.

life inspires purpose, purpose is an easy idea to grasp,
yet we all don't even reach out for it.
we live life with love but without purpose,
will you be just a statistic?

psychedelic placebos of consumerism is what we are living off,
we accessorise and glamorise out lives.
we have lost touch with our eternal purpose,
soul's are undeniable yet we reject them to cater to our bodies.

the cosmos is a cycle, one which we need to break,
for it has become corrupt, it is lacking the love of our souls.
yet the world will still be spinning, round and round,
as we consume our lives in meaningless task's of temptation.

how long? how long will it take for our generation to wake up?
to be stop rejecting our soul's and spirituality.
we need a crusade, of righteousness and love,
a movement away from the sloth we are living in.

there will always be a 20/20 view, from evil to divine,
we know it yet we continue to give into the evil.
still the earth spins in the eternal abyss of darkness,
never closer to the light and ever falling into the darkness.

energy fields are everywhere, from the fish in the sea,
the gods give us positive energy sensations, we feel them.
still we fall into the graves we dig ourselves,
still we fail to seek, for something more.

the fall of man is imminent, our hope burns bright
within the heart of our soul's, something deep inside is stirring.
will you answer its call?
or will you hear this message yet not listen to it?

the things unseen to us inspire wisdom, love, fear and righteousness,
tangible subjects offer temporary highs, for life is temporary.
souls are eternal, and permanent,
our lives are like a whisper in the wind, quick and quiet.

lets make some noise, lets make out voices heard,
love is eternal and disruptive, fear is temporary and subtle.
the cosmos goes on, ever changing; for the worse,
let our lives be that of a dying mans screams.

loud, painful and memorable.

give me your thoughts on it please!

god bless.

Unhappy Birthday

2007-09-19T00:12:00.000-07:00

well as you can see that title is rather grimm, tis a title that no-one should have to begin their blog post with. so let me explain.

firstly thank you to those few that did remember (mostly family) you made the beggining of my day very swell. i appreciate the presents they all have a lot of thought in them i can tell.
this year i didn't really want anyone to dance around and sing happy birthday, to me i just wanted it to be another day, you must be thinking "why? its the day fro celebrating your life!" yes i relise that but the paradox of the matter is that that is the very reason i didn't want you to make a fuss over celebrating it this year, last year i was let down with my expectations of the day, and that ebded quite horribly. this year i almost eradicated my expectations, yet was still let down quite badly yet again.

first spell of school i got my geo exams back and failed two out of three papers (i feel hatred for nz's education system and the way it functions) and due to the bracketed reason i was not too upset, i let it blow over, only one of my "friends" remembered that it was today and that was because her cell phone reminded her, at the end of the day barely half a dozen people gave me their condolences.

while book shopping and just killing time in the mall, i got some texts from a mate, i wont go into what the text's were about as that is a personal matter, but basically ended with her saying "yea fuck you!" and not replying after that, now apparently its my fault for having a bad day that i ended up hurting her, im sorry but am i not allowed to feel compelled to at least a little praise on my BIRTHDAY!. obviously i was mistaken when i awoke with that expectation. i don't ecpect much from my friends let alone on my birthday, but what i do expect is decency which is why i get so torn apart when those expectations are not fulfilled. birthdays are no longer about the presentts to me, nor about my own selfish pride but the least i expect is some gratification for the effort i put in for every friendship i have ever built. is that too much too ask? am i really that self centred?

the only solutions i see to this problem is one of the following.
either you all do me a favour and let me have my wish of not celebrating my brithday.
or i ditch the friendships that i have worked so hard to build over the years and find a whole new group who will give a damn about my feelings and who i am as a person, i generally am very tolerant and can take a lot of stuff before i crack, but this is all too much, i simply can't go on like this.

im sure this is all just a rant of the moment, but i am never deleting this post, i want my friends to know that their actions can seriously hurt a person, their ignorance is not bliss and their arrogance is certainly not a thing to joke about.

i have one last visit from a friend tonight, maybe she can redeem me from my slumber of sadness.

i did all i could to stay close to god today and not let the little things get to me, i was the most tolerant i have ever been today but its all too much, i felt a little better at bible study tonight as they went to greater lengths than my supposed friends were able to go to, to make my day something worthwhile. i didn't feel any different when i woke up but my eyes are certainly opened to a lot as i go to bed tonight.

thanks, god bless...

Judah

2007-09-09T02:41:00.001-07:00

well tonight we had worldwide evangelist Chris hill with us all the way from Texas.
I'm resenting that i did not get a personal word with him, as he was without a doubt the most brilliant preacher i have yet come across, however as one well knows it is not the preacher that is important it is god's word, the preacher is merely god's puppet for giving us his message (and oh lord what a beautiful puppet show it is.)

tonight was without a doubt the most amazing experience in my life, in terms of praising god i have never felt such satisfaction, such a sense of elation, joy and ecstasy. as my previous post pointed out i only wish that word's could describe my experience to you all however the fact that they can't is what makes these moments so precious to us. after tonight i fell as if god has touched me, we really did connect and he has certainly sowed a seed in my heart that i will nurture and harvest for the rest of my life. my brother Sam ( and a few others) asked me to find out what denomination this church classed itself as, i was going to but i now see that irrelevant, i feel at home in this church god is without a doubt calling me to work with this church. my official next steps are to arrange my baptism and get as involved in the church life that i possibly can. it's funny that i now find myself not wanting to go to school next year again but this time for a completely different reason, i don't want to waste time i want to get straight out there with god's message of salvation for other's ( i will however go next year as its an opportunity best taken a hold of.)

Chris hill preached in the lunch service on the book of Joshua and the crossing of the Jordan river and the laying of the stones in the river, in the night service he preached on genesis 38 (yes the whole chapter) Judah directly translates to praise, this chapter in genesis is a very deep and controversial chapter, i see it as a metaphorical analogy of the very ethics of Christianity itself.

i will not try to repeat everything that was said tonight as i do not have the capacity to do so, but the main message was that it's time for us as a nation, as a generation to grow up, to let go of the cheap pleasures that this world can offer us and to reach out to god, we need not to wait around anymore for thing's to happen (a building doesn't build itself) we need to act.

i always had a bit of a mind block on my faith for god, and i can now assure you that it is eradicated, so many times i have said "god I'm surrendering all to you, the glory will all be yours, i want you to use me for your own purpose, my pain my suffering doesn't matter, it is nothing to what wonder's your love can inspire" so many times have i also wanted so badly to believe in that very speech, yet there was always a block on my mind which would ask "really?"
that's all it needed to ask to present doubt in my mind, that voice is gone now, i need not worry about my suffering anymore, about what other's think of me, i am no longer ashamed of the bible and the salvation it offers.

an example of how much time i am now devoting to god's purpose, i just delayed the wiriting of this post for two reason,s. to have a theological?philisophical conversation with a friend about the existence of god and the differences about christianity to any other religion, and to help a friend in need. my only purpose i see fit for myself is to help other's, as i have pointed out a few times now, i feel as thoguh that is my purpose in life, my very name means "god be my judge" and i shall live by that in every aspect for now on.

i really don't know what else to say, i just feel so great today, i don't want to let this feeling stop and i don't intend to. i intend now to use my time wisely and my resources even wiser.

Reflections

2007-09-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

well, as few might know i certainly was a bit of a killjoy last year and bit of this year as yes i was depressed.

but screw it let's not focus on that, that's dirt and ash now.
i sit here at 2:48 am, a bit tired but just too attentive to give a damn.
some thoughts often go into my head at night, i have always been a night kid i remember staying up as late as i could watching the star's out my window, i never made it past midnight or 1 am. damn sleep deprivation would always win the battle. it feels good to be up so early because its a good feeling to know that apart from street bound drunkards and maybe the odd person or two in their house, i am isolated. i feel like i have the world at my fingertips and everyone is busy dozing. its the same as being a ship alone in the vast ocean, you feel a certain authority to walk around naked or just yell stuff, you feel free in a sense because the fact is everyone is not one this world anymore there all happily dreaming in their sleep (sleeps over rated =)

now to get to the basis of my post this morning,
i feel as if i have just come out of a tropical storm (no nots because I'm in welly) it feels as if i have been thrown around, tossed about, toyed with, abused and hurt by the storn yet i walk out a new man. its funny when you go to look back on things you just think, what on earth was i doing? how did i manage to get there? it gives me a great sense of achievement to know that despite everything i have endured for the past tow years (maybe longer, apply the boiling frog theory) it was getting worse ever since when i started high school. i didn't know it my excuse was always "I'm just a teenager" but like the frog i had no clue what was wrong till it was too late, the thing is when i was in there, freaking out, giving up over and over again realising that there was nowhere i could go after i did give up anyway, i felt something tugging at me inside. it was something that was almost saying "come on Daniel you're not like this snap out of it" did i listen to it?

nope at that point and time i was too self obsessed to care, my only thoughts would be why me? or why isn't she texting back? does anyone care? etc etc. as i look back on it i realise just how dumb i was, even typing this down helps me put into focus just how much i have changed, it feels like i have literally gone from a kid to an adult (well that generally is the purpose of adolescence huh?) but i really need to put emphasis on this point, the appropriate analogy would be like seeing a seed turn into a tree, you look at the seed and think how on earth is that going to turn into a tree, you come back to years later and think, wow THAT came out of the seed? the seed being no bigger than any of your nails has turned into a towering (or not) tree that is now taller than you.
most of us accept these things and just say "well what happens, happens" but i think this i an abuse of the changes that take place. (if you're a thinker i think you will see where I'm coming from)

i feel, well I'm firstly glad that it's all over, i always told myself "this is part of life, get through it and you will come out for the better" and knowing now that i don't retaliate when someone insults me (unless as a harmless joke), i don't feel anger in myself (only annoyance from time to time), i don't feel an ounce of jealousy, i don't feel worthless, i don't feel as if i have to prove myself to anyone, i don't feel as if I'm compelled by what others think of me, i barely feel anything now ( in the good sense) except love, whether it be love towards my mates, my really close friends, that special someone (I'll get back to you on that), love for family or even love towards a stranger who text's me and i find out they are feeling down but don't bother asking their name, as names to me are unimportant, its the person who touches you, words can never equate to the feelings of love from one human to another (too true)

the bible (without going to deeply religious on those that aren't) Tell's us that good trees will bear good fruit and bad trees, bad fruit. i think we can all take a lesson in this as it Tell's us that to produce great feelings for ourselves or for other's we first need to look into our own soil and ask "what do i not want in my life?" and for me personally god has allowed me to answer that question and helped with the disposal of those thing's, im not going to stay on this topic of religion as i know personally the last thing you non-religious people want is someone ranting about how god saved them, but i feel it is definitely worth a mention.

words will never be able to explain the senses of man, they have always failed to do so as well (well with complete accuracy that it) why do you think we are so akin to quotes? we love the idea that word's will describe what's inside we love the idea of communicating with other's what we are feeling ( it what we were made to do) however od you notice that we always either have a big list of quotes or go from one to another? i feel obliged to call some of these experiences, experiences of joy and ecstasy.

i also feel compelled to let any of you know that if you ever want to talk in more detail about my experiences or have any questions about what,why,how etc than i am more than happy to do my best ot answer, don't get me wrong i don't think i am better than any of you for my experiences, that is another thing i got rid of. pride.
and i sure as heck know now that my reason for being here is to do just as i have, sharing my experiences, helping anyone out anytime (literally 24/7), not for self glory, not to say that im a good person (although i do acknowledge my efforts at times and do occasionally wish others would acknowledge it) but all that doesn't matter.
a friend in need is a friend indeed, i don't care if your black, white, fat, thin, mental, weak, or whatever, what matters to me is what is on the inside for what lies on the inside is not only your inner child, but the truth, the truth about yourself and all the answers to all your questions, what lies on the inside is the seed, we are the soil harvesting our tree and just like the tree diagram we have many routes and paths that we can choose and ultimately the eyes are the gate way to the soul (one of my firm beliefs, hence they are my favourite body part) there is a reason our head is closer to our mouth than our heart.
thinking is good, never stop questioning everything. use your word's despite the weakness of them i have just pointed out they still hold power and words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning.

Father's Day Thoughts.

2007-09-02T01:48:00.000-07:00

ok well as a sentimental post to fathers day, not only am i going to talk about father's and just how truly great they are but about parenting in general and how it is overlooked, as i can imagine that it is indeed a full time job.

ok now let me just note to all of you that when i was younger (well only a year or so ago) i used to say on fathers and/or mothers day "what about kid's day? why do you get a birthday and a fathers/mothers day?" i think both of them at one time or another responded with "everyday is kid's day" i realise now that this statement is absolutley true, we as kid's do what every generation of kid's do, we rebel. personally i think this is a good thing as it allow's the child to challenge himself and explore his or her options while learning from the mistakes he or she makes, however i think (as most parents would too) that limits do need to be set.

the love from a parent to a child is relentless, the only thing more graceful and unconditional than it would be god's love for every living thing on this planet. it's hard for us (us being teenagers mostly) to see this as adolescense is a place where we are allowed to feel comfortable to get away with almost anything, its a dangerous spot indeed as it allows us to assume the actions and experiences of adulthood without acquiring the responsiblity that comes along with it. we (as a youth population) fail to see the effort's that our parents put into the upholding of our live's they buy our clothes, buy our groceries, cook our food (the majority of time, im working on it) wash our clothes, maintain the household (often with minimal help) clean our dishes etc etc (as im not a parent i can't exaclty go forth on every detail) and most importantly i think possibly the hardest part for our parent's is to cater to our every need, whether it be putting a smile on our face when our day hasn't gone too well to organising every detail of our birthday party to ensure we have a good time, i think the common arguement of our generation being the "lazy generation" could never be more true, we are well aquainted with, emails, car's, computers, air travelling and many other things of the sort's, every task that was once considered streneous and would have given one a sense of achievement "back in the day" has been catered for us nowaday's no longer do we have to make any effort at all to complete a task, no longer do we feel a sense of achievement once we do something, we really do have it easy (probably the easiest) as children and i think it's important that we take note of this so that we can thank them for their efforts, we truly cannot comprehend how easy we have it, whether it be as kid's or simply as a generation.

so here is a oath to our forefather's and the ones that are the reason we are here today, the reason that we have such a great, easy and careless life.
thanks mum and dad for everything you have ever done for me and all the great oppotunities that you have given me, i am changing all the time and am making extra efforts to help you guys out, i am your child, you have dedicated 16+ years of your life to ensuring im safe and well educated and fed and healthy so i will do all i can to pay you back.
im forever in your debt, thanks

The Indefintion Of Justice

2007-08-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

so this is another paper to screen translation (hopefully with improvement on the original thoughts)

last year my English teacher was undoubtedly the best teacher i have ever had, she had such an enthusiasm for teaching us which in turn made us enthusiastic to learn (little tip for ya dad).
the play that we studied on that year was the famous "12 Angry Men"
which talks of a jury that thinks the defendant is guilty, except that is for one juror who thinks that he has reasonable doubt to believe otherwise. Eventually (after two 3 hours sessions over two days) this one juror convinced everyone to sway in their thoughts because concordingly everything didn't fit the picture, our teacher got us to write on what we think justice, at first i thought "oh crap im going to be here until lunch time" but i found it an interesting task which i would recommend to all when you have some spare time and a lot of thought about how society sucks in your mind. here is what i wrote

What is Justice?
over generations and century's of debate out society has redefined justice over and over, so what is it that makes it so adaptable to us, that let's us decide how we punish suspects of crime? justice certainly is an interesting word, the oxford dictionary defines it as;
"the exercise of authority & the maintenance of righteousness" out of this we have to ask ourselves two questions, the first and foremost being, who has authority over who and how do we monitor this to ensure that the authority itself is just? and secondly;
are we entitled to tell someone that they are right and wrong and concordingly how do we define right from wrong?

to deal with the first question i would almost be certain to say that to have authority over someone we must not only have superiority morally but also in power, through strength, mental status or even money (sadly). one of the many curious aspects to us humans is that we are very secluded (some more than others) and in general we like to keep to ourselves who we know the we really are. humans are literally wired to show compassion, from being concerned about a stranger who has fainted on the street to calling an ambulance for a car crash victim or even going to lengths of travelling worldwide to see each other. the interesting aspect on top of this is that we like to keep to ourselves (once again some of us more than others) the good deed's we do to one another and in turn we have many many secrets, even if we say we have nothing to hide. the fact is we have everything to hide. i think we can safely say that to judge one person's authority over another person then we must be able to balance and compare each of their; good deeds, bad deeds, economical status, physical condition and mental stability. anyone with half a brain could tell you that that is simply not possible to balance and compare every aspect that i just listed hence the reason can never rightfully determine whether one person has authority over another.

to deal with the second issue, i think we can safely say that there are many different views on right and wrong throughout our religion's, races, countries and governmental systems. for example if you are a female reading this and you are wearing a tee-shirt and/or showing more than 1 inch of skin from your wrist upwards then in Sudan (unsure on the particular country) you would be considered a prostitute and would the authorities would then commence to stone you to death. do you see this is right? they obviously do otherwise there would have been a law change over the year's. in other countries they hold cults and beliefs that monthly there has to be a burning sacrifice to their god's of which the victim is chosen at random within their tribe. do you see that as fair? then there is the undeniable truth that what is right is not always true and what is true is not always right (the vice versa is necessary when you think about it in context). the simple fact is that it is human nature to lie to get out of trouble (which often leads to more trouble). in a court of law there are no lie detector's, no therapist or psychologist's (unless by coincidence) just you, an oath (which could mean nothing to you or that you do not believe in), a judge and 12 juror's of whom you have never met before in your life (once again, unless by coincidence) and who will most likely believe anything you say unless the evidence provided defies it. when it comes down to it the court is a battle of intellect and word's which is why being a lawyer is one of the hardest and most demanding job's out there, (effectively 4 year course i think, followed by many years or pre-trials etc.)
therefore to tell someone that they are wrong or right in not only wrong and unjust but morally wrong because of the simple fact that only they (and the victim if he/she survived) can recall with their memory what happened (will do a small post on the inaccuracy of memory later.)

we cannot access someones mind (firstly we would need to get past the phenomenon of "what is the mind?") and record what they have experienced, it is simply impossible in this day and age, so to conclude i do not see this definition to be one that fits the puzzle so to speak. we will never find a definition that everyone can agree with because every ones view on the topic is unique (the thing i love the most about it.) i think my personal definition for it would be;
"a legal correction by the authorities for something we (society) perceive to be wrong, the maintenance of consequence in order to maintain order within our society"

thanks you, would love to hear your view on it.

Wholesome Realisation

2007-08-24T17:19:00.000-07:00

OK so around the time after i got back from America there was this new guy working at hell.
at first we sort of just let each other be and didn't know each other very well, after time we talked and acquainted ourselves. about.. 4 months ago i started to see some bad trait's in this guy such as;
-standing and doing nothing while trying to order other's around when he is perfectly capable of doing the task himself.
-generally working at a slow pace and allowing us to fall behind
-trying to steal my cut bench! (now that's almost blasphemy! as i have been working there three times longer than him)
i did eventually lay a complaint to my boss who had a word with him and ever since he has been tolerable.

now please note that this guy was displaying almost no trait's of a christian, now to my absolute shock i was looking through his CD wallet last night and found that almost half of the music was christian. now i think this raises the point of god working in mysterious way's and that it is best to not judge people by their actions. now i know a lot of people do say judge people purely on their actions however i came to the conclusion last night (after work while thinking in bed) that being christian for some people is like having one kidney, you would never know unless they told you, on the topic of not judging people by their actions i think it's fair to say that we don't live one day without thinking twice about what are doing or saying therefore it's understandable that their are many things that are not said or done hitherto i don't think it's fair to judge people by their bad action's but to look at the few thing's that they ARE doing right and extend off from there to see the reasoning or motives for that good action and think about how it conflict's with their bad action's.

now i must also mention that i did borrow a few of his Cd's to put on my computer and one of them was a CD by "the lads" (Joe and dad you will know who they are) now the last time i heard their music was at parachute 02 (possibly 03, was a long time ago) and i loved it. now i started to listen to the music again last night before i headed to bed and one particular song made my whole body tingle with a sense of excitement and warmth (i actually started dancing). now i must also make you aware that my oh so generous brother Sam gave me a few books to read and send back to him, i just finished "surprised by joy" by C.S Lewis that evening on the bus to work. at the end of the book it confronts us with an interesting analogy to the feeling of joy.

it's like walking down a path in the forest, the first directional sign you see, a member of the group will run up to and point and be just oh so excited with it. After these signs occur more frequently you tend to not realise them as much, but they still guide you on your way.

for me that is what this music was, it reminded me of a time when i was just an innocent child and had no reason or doubt in my mind about god, hearing the lad's at parachute was brilliant and i even got them to sign my hat (sadly i lost it a while ago). i suppose if you cant relate to this an accurate comparison would be if you had a teddy bear while growing, now ask your self what satisfaction and sense of excitement did you get with that bear? and also ask yourself at what age did it seem childish and unfulfilling, yet you still look back on it and think "yeah i wish life was still that simple" (LOL)

as mentioned in my previous post's i am now living a complete different style of life compared to how i was a mere 4-7 month's ago. my main goal is to treat every day as almost a new life, wake up fresh and excited (sometimes easier said than done) and just completely forget about yesterday's experiences (unless of course it was a brilliant day) my analogy for this idea is;
when we look at the night sky are we drawn to see the star's of the darkness, so it shall be for life's experiences; look to the bright and fulfilling experiences rather than the bleak and dark ones. (a lot of analogies today huh?)

the last thing i think is worth a mention is the factor of pretty much all of the above, when i made the analogy of the forest path well i can definitely relate that to god's love for us, there may be points in your life when you have no doubt that god is there, this would be the time when many signs are appearing on the path (the path representing god's love) however as there was for me there may also be point's when believing in god could seem the most absurd and ridiculous idea out there, this would be a lack of signs, but you are indeed still on that path, you may have taken a wrong turn but the path is there. for any non-believer's out there the equivalent would be point's in which you thought the possibility of god possible (many sign's) and times (possibly now) when you think "nah it's completely absurd and impossible" (no sign's) but as i said the path IS there whether you want to accept it or not. "surprised by joy" also introduced to me probably the most important analogy i have yet come across which is;

think of it like this, if hamlet wanted to meet Shakespeare he would not be able to as Shakespeare is non-existent in his play world, so the creation is unable to see the creator, however if the creator intends for it the creation shall experience in a non-physical and spiritual way.

i think for now i shall leave it at that as i have a 800 word essay to write :/

toodles

Sunny Sunday

2007-08-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

well apart from my still lost voice i think this previous Sunday was a great Sunday for me.
started my day with a decent sleep in and then left for the train into town at around 2, walked around for a bit then found my way into my mates subway (he owns 2/3 of the store) stayed there for a while and had a feed.
just after 4 i headed towards the duxton at a very relaxed pace.
the sun was out, the grass was green, the air was crisp (tehehe) and i had my camera!
church that night was particularly good, there was a certain vibe in the duxton ballroom that night, and i could feel the holy spirit all around me.
john preached that night about victories in life and about one small but significant contradiction in the bible that doesn't make much sense without plenty of study.
the most vivid quote from him that stuck in my head was.
"the greatest victories are not the victories ahead of us but the victories behind us"
(i think the use of the word victory may be a bit inaccurate for the context but the general idea is still well portrayed)
one part of his talk that also stuck with me was when he started talking about when the bible says (must go get my bible from the house to quote this but it's something along the lines of)
"for man cannot live righteously until the accuser is cast down from heaven"
john raised an interesting point that the bible pretty accurately Say's that the light in heaven is so great that a darkness (the accuser) such as Satan would never be able to access it.
he then pointed out that it is not Satan who has access to heaven but it is all of us, when we pray we almost leave this world. we put our hearts out to him and thus a part of us has access to his kingdom.
as Christians the commitment we make to God (regardless of the degree of our faith) is a commitment that allows us access to the lord and therefore a certain, yet limited, access to heaven therefore whenever we sin we are not only hindering our relationship with the lord but in a sense the devil is working tempting us and shares that access with us.
it was a daunting though for the rest of the night to think that any time i mat have thought lustful thoughts,cursed against others,been judgemental,stolen,been unforgiving,taken the lords name in vain and so on so forth.
that in doing so i was restricting the power and authority that god has over my life.
it all connects together after a while that whatever "evil" acts you commit can directly hinder and suppress god's light within you, i kept thinking to myself "so every time i sin I'm literally hurting god?"
but after a while (quite a long while this was) i realised that once again it goes a whole lot deeper than that, effectively yes i am suppressing god in every sin that i commit.
but more literally the thing to remember is that every man has that chance of redemption (a chance that endless amounts of temptations from Satan cannot provide) in a sense god is just like us (all though being perfect) he still is loving,caring,forgiving and righteous. in my analogy i think of him as a human but without the mind (the mind being the tempting side of the conscience)
the famous song that sing
"what if god was one of us?" (great song may i add)
suggests just that, it reminds to be cautious of the things i do and say for the stranger that you mock, could that be god?
that person that you shoot down behind their back, could that be god?
the innocent man getting robbed or abused and you choose to turn the other cheek, could that be god?
this whole topic could go a whole lot deeper and believe me i would like to but i don't think i have gone that far into as of yet (maybe later!)[
i suppose the thing that i am trying to say and i suppose that pastor john was trying to reach to us was that we are made in god's image and in psalms 139 it says
"for you are fearfully and wonderfully made"
god has crafted and moulded us from before the day we were even conceived, he knows of the great things he has planned for us but ultimately it comes down to us.
there is a certain repsonsiblity that adults carry, which in a sense is the equivalent to the responsiblity that we as christians hold.
we resemble (or so we should) the good in our world, we should resemble hope,love,salvation,righteousness and holyness.
with that responsiblity we must remember that everything we do has consequences (whether good or bad) and that we must put thought and consideration into everything we say,everything we do but most importnatly everything we think. for it also says in the bible that we should not let anything that is unwholesome escape our mouth's but only the thing's that are used to build up one another and build up a new generation for god.

Slice Of Heaven

2007-08-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

i recently watched a short video in my physics class which spoke of Farraday, the scientist who discovered the battery and electromagnetism. this video mentioned briefly that he was a sandemanium which is a sect of Christianity that takes every word in the bible literally (an aspect which many of today's self proclaimed Christians lack) and he as a scientist dedicated his life to the understanding of metaphysics and the world in general for he did not go into science for the money but for his beliefs (which i quite like about his character) he effectively believed that everything that exists in the world was and is being created by god.
on top of that note my brother Sam sent me over a few books to read (thanks for that!) the first i read was the short but very intense "the great divorce" by C.S Lewis. i finished that in just over an hour (at 140 pages long) the particular part that stuck in my mind is when a ghost was having a conversation with what Lewis described as "solid people" and the ghost was the mother of a boy who was making his way up the mountain (the metaphorical stature for the journey to heaven in this case)
the mother said to the solid person (these solid people are the ones who made it up the mountain and were sent down to encourage more ghost's to make the journey) "but he's my son, this isn't fair i want him to come back with me" the person replied with "but he is god's son, you may have bore him yourself into the world, but the world is no longer of any significance to us here. It is god who crafted him and shaped the person is." (something along those lines) this made me think very vividly about exactly how God See's our lives (in a contextual sense.)
another part of the book that stuck in my head was when someone said
"you get attached to the world because the images you paint down there are glimpses of heaven, you long for the full picture. if you were to paint a picture of our scenery it would have no effect for we know we are here already"
i feel it's good to reflect on book's this way because it gives you a better understanding of the intentions of the author (one good thing i have grasped from our education system :P)

reflections:
i think in a sense the artists of this world are trying to fill a hole inside themselves, they are catching glimpses of heaven in our planet but are unable to identify them as that (tell me how many christian painters can you name?) people without God in their life are constantly trying to fill that hole with something whether it be money,cars,loved ones (or supposedly loved ones) or just flash accessories.
i would know as i went through this phase on a smaller scale. i would go shopping with the money i have learnt and buy almost anything that tickled my fancy, at the end of the day i could find small satisfaction in the things i bought but when i got into bed that night i felt no different, i didn't feel a sense of accomplishment and in some cases it made it worse because i could identify what i was doing. i now face a a case where i still have these things (slowly selling them off) and they haunt me in some sense.
i think what people tend to forget is that old saying
"money can't buy happiness"
this phrase always tickles my thoughts and more and more i am thinking that maybe it is a christian that said that? i think alcohol,drugs,money,cars and all the petty pointless accessories to our life are all just a way to blur a vision of heaven.
in a more metaphorical sense i would say that drunkenness not only blurs our vision of the world (literally) but also grips the integrity we have of ourselves, it takes a hold of our self esteem and drags us down to the ground (literally too)
to conclude this part of the reflection, i think we all need time to ourselves.
Someone once said to me
"thinking is biological, just like sugar in a diabetics diet, too much and too little is damaging to us" i think this is a perfect reflection on what I'm trying to say, i know personally too much time alone will leave you very down and unenthusiastic about life in general, but on that note i think it's important for us to find out the healthy does of thinking for us individually and take time to ourselves to do just that, think.
sit down once every day or even every week and just think.
also on that note Sam once told me
"thinking is good, never stop questioning everything"

now to the reflections on the video:
i think that Farraday has an aspect to him that a lot of us are lacking as Christian's, we need to take into consideration what our modern day scientist's are telling us as they are often command of someone with a lot of money and I'm sure we all know that with great wealth comes great deception. Farraday took science as a career because he firmly believed that god created and shaped every aspect of the world, from our free will and beliefs of chemistry right down to the blades of grass under our feet, i believe this to be a very admirable quality of Farraday.
i take a good deal in this belief to as the bible tells us that God did create this world and in taking that in i think it's important that we remember the aspect of the world. that word world includes everything and everyone on our planet, it goes from the depths of the earth to the clouds, it includes every inch of our physical and even mental world.
i really don't have much else to say (in other words i have slightly lost my train of thought, i like to say in a hysterical sense that "my train of thought got hit by the mount Ruapehu lahar!")

to conclude this post i think that we need to have healthy doses of thinking at least every week.
not only to get a grip on our own reality but on the reality that God wants us to be in.
essentially we should not be living the life we please for, but the life that god desires for us.

thanks again for reading

Faith Reborn

2007-07-25T01:35:00.000-07:00

OK well my last post i deleted as it wasn't quite accurate. i rushed it and the whole expressing myself thing so here goes for a better attempt.

firstly I'd like to share a thought of thanks to those that i have seeked in my hard times over the last.. 2 years
thanks to the following

Peta
Janelle
Alexia
Garreth

you guys kept me sane and always stood by me no matter what and for that i can't thank you enough.
and also to the following who have managed to say the right things at the right time over the last 6 months to help me find myself and get myself back on track

Mum & Dad
Sam
Peta
Alexia

OK so now lets get to the heart and depth of my post today.
I as an individual have always liked to defy what society says and/or what the popular kids wanted to do, and in saying so i look at life very closely and when I'm in the right senses i look at it as a movie i suppose, i like to reflect on the good and bad and just how far i have come since an innocent young and happy child. and furthermore i like to ponder at what great adventures could possibly be next. on a side note i was brought up in a christian family and i have always had some faith in God, even when i got to a point where nothing mattered but my own problems and i regrettably put god aside to live my life the way i wanted to, even then i felt something inside me tugging at my heart and urging me to realise that what i was doing was wrong, not only for me but for my creator, my saviour.
i once read a short story about a kid that woke up in the morning, rode his bike to have a muddy soccer game with his team then sped back down the hill to his house, once he got there he jumped off with joy ran over to his lemon tree and took a huge bite out of one, enjoying every second of it.
the thing that hit me about this story is that this kid was enjoying life for what it was, he wasn't getting caught up in the injuries he had or the sour taste and wasn't moaning about them but in retrospect he was indulging in them, in the good, the bad and just whatever life threw at him. i thought to myself that in a way i was that little kid but i didn't make it home safely, i got hit by a train (metaphorically) and my life went down the drain and as i watched i still had that same tug on my heart like something wasn't quite right.

my experience of the African-American church in L.A was one of the most enjoyable and most emotional ones for me that i can recall. i saw the energy, the spirit, the soul and all the happiness that these people had put into their worship. then it finally sunk in. i couldn't go much longer without god in my life (during this time i came to the realisation that i hadn't made personal contact with god in literally years.)
There is a song i like to listen to called "Jesus" produced by the christian band "rapture ruckus" and there is a particular line in it that says

"but when the time for me to be a man i put god to the side to fulfill my own plans and that was the day that i made the mistake, the biggest mistake that ever i would make. i shut the door on my creator, my one true saviour i thought there would be plenty of time for that later"

this moves me every time i hear it because i know that that was once me, that one extract from this song is spot on for me, but at the time of my ignorance i also heard the line in this song that said

"i felt suicidal because my life was a lie"

now that smaller line had more effect on me than the previous, it said to me that there is a way out of this, im not living my life as Daniel, at the time i didn't know who i was living as but that one line told me that i wasn't being true to me, but also that god does have great plans for me and i could be that little boy again, taking indulgence in everything life has to throw at me and at the same time not letting it get to me.

i won't go into detail with this short story of my struggles ill save that for my autobiography one day!

but to wrap it up i just want to tell you all how i am now living my life.
i wake up in the morning and instinctively the first thing i think is "go back to sleep you're still tired" however after 5 or so minutes of being half awake my second thought is "get up, there is a whole world out there for you to discover, go and live the life god has intended for you, take today as it comes, and enjoy every moment of it" my day begins and I'm thinking quite constantly about my life in comparison to the less fortunate in our world, and that always brings a smile to my face because i thank god for everything i have, every moment i have on this earth, and when i wake up i now think (after a few thoughts) that god gave me this day for a reason, lets embrace it! i don't take for granted what i have and i don't intend to anytime soon.
as i meet new people i put on my smile and give them my friendly character, regardless of whether they smile back or accept my handshake i love them regardless because i know (even if they don't) that they are one of god's children and if they are willing god can put them to great use. i like to apply the "you give what you get" theory to life, which is why I'm always offering my love to others and my helping hand if they need it. not only for the "give what you get" theory am i doing this but also because rapture ruckus also wrote

"never walk away from somebody who needs your help, your hand can be gods hand to help and pull them out"

that is just one of the many quote i like to live my life by and i think it portrays me pretty accurately as who i really am. i can reassuringly say now that i know who i am why I'm here and vaguely know the great things god has planned for me.

i plan to live my life in the moment as it comes, but not for myself, for others, for the ones that need me, the ones that have no-one else to call on when they start to go through some of the things i have, i am going to live for everyone else, as far as im concerned i don't have time to dwell on my own problems all i have time for now is god and whoever i feel he is urging me to reach out to. If they ever ask how i made to where i am today ill say

"God helped me, and through me he's helping you"

Emotional Upset

2007-06-29T03:56:00.000-07:00

well lets take a more personal side of things for a change.
so far this year almost nothing has gone right for me.
i loved my trip to America to start the year and endless amounts of thanking to my father for that.
however as most know by now, my grandfather passed away during my time there.
i will never forget the moment its was the 18Th of February and we were in Kinko's printing off something or rather (American time BTW) T read the email from my auntie Jane and told my father to call, quickly.
dad got off the phone and he didn't need to say a word he looked me in the eyes and i knew.
"hes gone" he said, at this point i didn't know what to say or do or think, but my gut twisted.
i stood strong for the next few days supporting my dad but inside i was torn apart.
i turned to god at that point and asked him to give me and my father all the strength possible to try and enjoy the rest of our trip and to our surprise we were able to.

after i got back most things seemed to go swell, i bought my first car with some help from my dad and now i had to go down to Christchurch to get it. whilst down there i went and buried my grandfathers ashes with my father.
the experience stirred many many emotions and thoughts but once again i stood strong (hurting inside) and supported my father. to this day i still have some of those thoughts the main one being.. "one day we will all just be a memory" from flesh and bone to text or words from others still alive (how depressing) when i got back i was coping alright.

then taupo came, that was a great time spent with one of my best Friends and my current girlfriend. after i got back to wellington everything seemed to fall apart.
my feelings died for her as i had come to realisation of some much stronger ones for another person. (i think in the end i dated her out of the blindness of my loneliness, was scapegoating her for the feelings i had for another person, it hurts just to say that) we eventually broke up and in the same week i crashed my car. took my eyes off the road for two seconds and rear ended someone, the only positive out of this is that i knew the person so they didn't contact the police or check my (learners) license. (yes i know i didn't tell you dad, too ashamed to do so, embarrassed etc etc)

between then and.. 2 weeks ago i did nothing, just worked and saved every penny i could.
then 2 weeks ago it was my (ex)girlfriends birthday, i told her before our relationship that i didn't want it to effect our friendship but nay..
i wrote her a letter telling her how she was a great person and she took it completely the wrong way, she now avoids me and so do her little group of girl friends, always giving me little looks around the school (its no wonder i want to leave).at this time in the year i had lost two very close friends to me the first being a whole different story but the second obviously being my previous girlfriend, not to mention my childhood friend left to south Africa at the end of last year (for two years) and well I'm still trying to accept that i cant text her anytime i want.. i eventually got over my previous girlfriend/friend that and as of yesterday i was over everything.

i felt on top of the world yesterday (Wednesday) i had lots going wrong but i had managed to just accept it and get on with life, its an amazing feeling. words cant describe how great i felt yesterday but one thing that proves my point is that i had SO much energy the whole day (even though i barely had anything to eat)

then today at school was good, mufti day,late start and early finish. then i got home and found a letter for me in the mail i saw that it was from the insurance company (of the other car) and decided to stall by going to the toilet first.

i now sit here (11:17pm Friday night) with a 6 grand debt(5600 to the insurance company and 400 to my dad) and just generally feeling like giving up.

i know this is not an option for their is no salvation past death, it will be taking the easy way out and im not like that anyway. the main thing yanking my chain at the moment is the fact that so far this year things have gone like this.
disappointment------stable-------trying to fix my problems-------disappointment---------
that cycle has not stopped at all this year and it just feels like everything i do to try and fix the problems i have it just turns to shit and/or makes things worse for me.
i cant help thinking that I'm a failure, my school grades (most of them) are declining as a result and i find myself trying to turn to alcohol to temporarily make things better.

deep down i know that this is gos testing but also deep down i know i have generally just not done much right this year at all. i find myself pushing away the ones i love because they get too close, they try to help but i find myself not able to open up to them without getting the way i currently am.

i think tomorrow i will realise writing this all down helped. but as of this current time i just need to be alone, think about things and try my best to sort out this mess i have made...

*huge sigh*
I'm out

(i know ill think of something else i wanted to say later on but meh ill edit if its really necessary)

Evolutionary Crisis

2007-05-25T03:39:00.000-07:00

as i was sitting on the beach today before work enjoying the cool breeze and the very early sunset (grr i want daylight savings back!) cool sand underneath me, i gazed out to the ocean and began to get on those thoughts again, but this time it was more about the thought of how the world has existed for billions of years without change or disaster, that is until the introduction on the human mind, now i dont want to sound all negative and rant on about global warming and shit but i feel its a issue that does need to be addressed (as if it hasnt been addressed enough!).

i began to think about the ocean, the sheer vastness and solitude that it can bring, the intensity of how huge it is and all the life that goes on inside it, began thinking about whats behind the blue shimmering water, what its history is, whats its endured and how it effects us in todays society, began to think in the aspect of whats beneath the surface or between the lines so to speak. these thought rolled on for quite some time and then it hit me, as hard as the sunlight in the morning (im not a big morning person :P.)
the changes, the history, the events, the evolution that has occurred in the world that we live in, all lead up to this moment, they lead up to you sitting here in front of your computer screen, indulging yourself the endless realm of internet cyber space. being my blog.
20 years ago no one would have knew what the interenet is, sure they were on that road but you know what my point is,
50 years ago we as a society where recovering from the great economical struggle that WW2 put to us, ( the point in which USA managed a strong hold on the world)
70 years ago we were in a great depression
100 years ago we were in our first world war

my point is this.
in the last 500 years we as humans have changed the world so much, not for the advantages of the planet either, we spread like a virus using up all resources that are in that ares then continue to grow and spread around the world,most mammals in our world go around and live in an equilibrium with the enviroment, they take from it but give back just as much, the create an agreement so to speak with their surroundings and work with what they have being careful not to take too much in order for their resources to replenish. in the last 40-50 years we have polluted our planet so much to the point that it is now irreversible.
if we stopped all fossil fuel burning tommorow, the temperature of our atmosphere would continue to increase for another 50 years at least, the issue of global flooding is very real, the majority of our worlds large cities are located on coastal areas.
we as humans have a tendency to think for ourselves, no matter how much we believe we would take a bullet for a friend or go care for others before we care for ourselves, its simply not true. "every man for himself" that very term cannot fit more perfectly the way of human beings. think about it, when we go to buy a present for someone. the first thing we think about is what present can i get them that will make them appreciate me more. sure we think a lot about the meaning (i know i certainly do) but in the long run the effect we desire out of presents is recognition, the recognition of the thought of the present, the recognition of the fact that we have money to spare, the recognition that we remembered their birthday. any action we take in our lives we automatically think about how it wil benefit us, deny this as you may but it has been proven through trends,statictics and a heavy amount of research on us, human beings

to think that the world has turned to shit in the past 500-1000 years is mindboggling, our planet has existed for 100's of millions of years, so this amount of time is such a small fraction that its uncomprehendible to our minds what has gone on in past generations, whether it be the generations of last century of the generations of the last millenium. we started off with materials, resources that we saw fit to guide us in longer life and sruvival, these have turned to manipulative weapons of warfare, we are a generation fed on money, without we wouldnt survive, money is the new system that replaced the old bartering system because of people that didnt hold their end of the bargain. we invest millions of dollars nationally on our roads, a road is result of what we know as concrete or tar, a mixture of man made and natural resources that harden when dry. we drive on these roads with machines unheard of before the 1900's animals fear these machines they dont know what these beasts are invading on their territory. to me animals repersent the best source or path to our past life, the life of the hunter and gatherer, no one was fat back then, there were pratically no diseases and everyone lived for quite a long time. the look in animals eyes. not even that the very aura that animals give off as they watch cars driving along is disturbing to me, these machines have become our lives, the average wage of an american ceo jumped from 510,000 before 1995 to a whopping 36 million in 2005. the
greed for oil has driven us mad, it has brainwashed everything we know, has manipulated our very values in life, the need for oil because of our cars is disturbing. lets have a fun guessing game here.
(these figures are bound to be below the accurate ones.)
say on a daily basis one service station fills up 30 cars. each car holding 40 litres of petrol.
thats 1200 litres per day for this one service station. now say new zealand has around 150 service stations nationally.
150 times 1200 is 180000. thats 180 thousand litres of petrol a day, just in new zealand. so new zealand is very small country, lets say on average every country has 1000 service outlets and are all filling the same average daily.
with over 194 countries in the world (so lets round that to 200 for all those minority countries :)
thats going to be
200 times 1000 times 1200 litres of petrol
thats going to be 24,000,000 litres of petrol. every day!
times that by 365 days in a year and youve got
8,760,000,000
hmm so more than 8 billion seven hundred and sixty million litres of petrol a year cannot be a good thing, and that spells out addiction to me, were addicted to our fuel, it has become part of life. so i think it fair to say that it has become so normal for us to abuse our surrounding, taking everything and not giving back (substantially that is) its the sad reality that is upon us.
we are killing our planet, it quite simple really the sad fact for people my age is that by the time our parents are all retired, we will be responsible for trying to fix all this shit, and quite frankly that really gets at me at times.

now as my train of thoughts is rolling on in this rant of mine i have come back to the part about human suffering (it seems to be an easy subject to talk about)
why at funerals do we list off all the good qualities of the deceased? will that ease our pain in knowing that he/she did good while they could. if you were to ask me its comprimisation. i think that in a way we are only covering over our grief and sympathising ourselves because of the fact that they are gone and now and theres no turning back. im not at all saying that we shouldnt do this, because people influience our lives in so many ways, we wouldnt be able to comprehend the infinite ways people, your everyday people in the street, the ones you work with effect your life. however it seems to to itch at my thoughts the factor of human emotion.

i think that may be all for now.

just found a more accurate link in terms of petrol consumption
http://auto.howstuffworks.com/question417.htm

Pain And Growth

2007-05-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

one addition to my book of thoughts is at a time when i had an infection on my rear end, laugh as you may but i didn't get sleep for 4 days and every time i sat down it gave me agonising pain. it was at that point that i wanted to talk about the aspect of human pain.
pain is without a doubt the most cruel and unforgiving feeling for the human race and like everything it can be divided in three,
emotional pain
physical pain
spiritual pain
my idea in this part of my rantings is to try establish a connection between the three and show how if one is unbalanced then it can theoretically effect all three.
physical pain is without a doubt the most common i don't think anyone in their right mind would argue that. muscle pains,broken bones,ripping tendons/arteries,pulling a muscle,headaches, the list goes on and on. i think its safe to say that no matter how wealthy,healthy or careful you are about being hurt you are guaranteed to feel a lot of physical pain in your life, as negative as this may sound it brings me to the point of sensory disabilities, it has recently occurred to me that there is disability for all our senses except one.
feeling.
this intrigues as i wonder what it would be like to feel nothing, you would not have any sense of walking,running,writing,typing,establishing what is tangible or not and the possibilities of how this can effect one being can go on and on, effectively the person would be living in a state or purgatory, not being able to identify reality from illusion, right from wrong, pain from pleasure. one would presume that if this case were to present itself one day in a being the person would die of... well confusion really?
personally i see the reason behind this lack of disability in our touching senses as a spiritual factor because whatever god we may believe in, that god does not see it benefiting us to go through life without feeling, we cannot truly enjoy the high points of our life's without remembering how much we have suffered in the past. in this particular case one would not have any sense of spirituality anyway because in order for things to appear real there must first be a greater persona in which created everything whether it be god,the force of the universe or simply the belief of any form of higher force acting upon us. in this case one would not be able identify the realm of physical pain, and therefore breaking the connection between the three.

spiritual pain.
it is often hard to identify and has that effect of "you don't realise till its too late".
spiritual pain is often related to a loss of direction of life and i tell you this from experience, so it may or may not be true for others (hey were all unique and different!) often someone in spiritual pain hopes to identify it as emotional and refuse to believe that they have a certain aspect in their life missing (being religion,simple beliefs about souls or ways of life eg Buddhism follows the way Buddha lead out his life then again that's the basis of most religions, idolising someone and trying to live out your life the way they did.) however i would like to point out that out of the three spiritual and emotional are probably the closest connected.
i would like to take one second to acknowledge the fact that if any of this relates to you then i am not saying there is something wrong with you, believe me everyone goes through these three types of pain in life and i think its safe to say you would be more sick if you didn't!

after this big paragraph of ranting i would like to ask you all,
why do we place ourselves in these situations to hurt? we subconsciously feel the need to hurt and hope to gain attention from it. i suppose it goes back to my example of the being living in a state of purgatory, if we did not place ourselves in these situations we would be worse of as a soul and as a being than if we avoided them, I'm not trying to say if your depressed then go on being depressed because that is ridiculous and i would never encourage that, I'm simply going back to my point that to enjoy the highs in life more we need to get through the hard parts.
through pain we grow in fact i believe (personally) that every action we take, every choice we make is one towards growth and towards us having a healthier soul.
when it gets down to it time heals everything, big and small, thick and thin, it heals it all some scars in our life may take longer to heal but it will come to a time where you realise "that experience isn't making me sad anymore" or "i think I'm over that experience, its not making me emotional." to add to this i would like to suggest to you all that you take time to and for yourself everyday whether it be half an hour at lunch break just sitting back and thinking about the "good Ole times" or 10-15 minutes while your lying in bed restless.

i have saved emotional for last because i personally believe it is the biggest chunk (although i shall try to keep it short... ish.) emotional pain can have a huge effect on ones life, and in a matter of minutes it can completely change your way of thinking as well as altering what you desire to get out of life, it is commonly known (not by me) that the pain of a true broken heart is worse than the majority of broken bones and/or any other physical pain. (this isn't certain for me so forgive me if that's incorrect) physical pain of a high degree is very exhausting and takes a lot out of you, it sometimes can cause a temporary depression as of the the fact that you are so limited when it occurs, you have to take time off work,school and it directly effects the social life you have be it interacting with workmates or catching up with friends. it can often make you feel emotionally detached from reality and/or society, in some cases you get attached to the feeling because you feel it for so long that you get used to it, it can make you feel detached as of the fact that you are isolated from society and/or reality. personally i try avoid using the term depression however sadly its the best word to describe the state of mind, i do this because i believe that you cannot diagnose someone for their feelings the whole idea of it is quite disgusting if you ask me, depression is often referred to as an illness and the for an illness to exist it automatically assumes that some people have it and some don't. i believe that everyone gets "depressed" to some extent in their lives whether they want to share/accept it or not. so an illness that occurs in everyone is not really an illness now is it?

( i don't see my following notes to be necessary)
so to conclude pain sucks, we all know about it and we all experience it, yet we all choose to put up with it because deep down we know that we will come out the other side a better person, and deep down we know the phrase "everything happens for a reason" and to some small extent we believe whether it be through evidence of experiences in our own lives or evidence that we see in our family or friends suffering.

all comments welcome!

Not Achieved For NCEA

2007-05-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

to start with many of you may have noticed that my blog title is Lucifer, this can commonly be mistaken in biblical terms as the angel that fell from heaven, the meaning of the word Lucifer is "light bringer" or "to bring light" etc. as a symbolic term to me possibly bringing light into your thoughts and opening new realms of possibility to you all.

As of the beginning of this year shortly after my trip to America in which i read a few theology books as well as a book my brother Sam gave me called "Zen and the art of motorcycle Maintenance." i began to write down those thoughts that everyone gets when they simply zone out and stare at one spot of something seemingly random, those thoughts that question our very existence on this earth and the way we go about living our lives. i would write in class and still get the work done funnily enough. so here's a thanks to Sam who has opened up this new way of thinking that i get myself into.
cheers ears ;)

one more note: this blog may seem like a lecture or me trying to tell you how to live your life or something but it is simply my thoughts i do not intend to say your way of living is incorrect, in fact most of these ideas i put out are ones i like to discuss so please
discuss!

so to start with converting my thoughts from paper to screen.
i was thinking in class (ironically enough) about our teaching systems and how science is taught.
these days tests are based on what lies in front of us, what we see to be tangible and therefore we as students are always going to be limited in the answer we give (in terms of getting it "right") in doing this the teachers/test moderator's subconsciously or maybe even purposely eliminate that x factor that we should be encouraged to bring out in school, that certain part of us that is imaginative and creative and always questions the question and all the realms of possibility that surround it (otherwise known as variables)

science to begin with focuses more on the material aspects that the human mind has knowledge about eg; air,gravity,forces,electronics.. so my question is how can we accurately answer or ask a question in "scientific" terms? for example; before newton was around who's to say gravity didn't exist before hand? we all know the logical answer is that gravity has always been around ever since the formation of our earth. so my next question is...
how many unknown "variables" potentially are out there waiting to be discovered? because of that variable that we are limited in knowing how many new variables are out there we can never really "accurately" answer a question.

to add to this there is a popular thesis amongst scientists that says there is an infinite number of theories with which to test an answer with, because of this one statement alone you could have not read my above paragraph at all and know that no answer in science is ever going to be correct. to end this part in my rantings i will just say that we have to deal with it, the world has already been trained to think scientifically and believe our scientists over any religion out there and personally its alarming to me that people would believe something a scientist says without even doing some background research.

i must add this point into the "educational studies".
why do teachers among our modern teaching systems prefer to teach classes that are "well behaved?" or constantly telling them to work in silence?
OK so sure its proven that most people can focus better with less noise but it intrigues me that they prefer a quiet class, is it something to do with the whole teacher student relationship that the teacher is "supposedly" in control of the class? is it the fact that the teacher has a set of guidelines to stick to and that when a student stumps a teacher (eg; asks a question on topic that he/she cant answer) they teacher feels vulnerable? personally i have seen many cases where teachers have given out detentions because the student has asked an intuitive question. personally i think this whole dilemma of teachers wanting control over their class come from hundreds of years of a society feed on the hunger fro power, be it physical, mental or just overall dominance of another person,race,object,class etc etc. but where does this hunger come from?why does man feel the need to have dominance or authority over one another? will this make us feel worthy, feel respect, or will it simply scratch our itch and give us a desire for even more power?
all through out our lives we will be striving to impress others, whether we can acknowledge this or not is out of the question, either way subconsciously every action we make is one to get us closer to having more money,respect or reputation. in the long term this leads me to think that we as a species have a hunger for that power play. eg; the massive power and authority of a government over a nation or the simple authority and respect that a father requires from his son. we are taught not to talk back to our elders or our teachers, what does this implie? personally i see it as an effort to eliminate the art of argument or discussion, of course there is a fine line between arguing and discussing. arguing is a means of which we stand for our opinion only we put this out to the other person and simply expect them to accept it and say that its right (which is why arguing causes so many problems between friends and family.)
discussing something is to take one another's opinions and see how it applies to the topic of conversation.
tell me out of all the things you have learnt over life how much of it has been from discussions and/or intellectual conversations?
by eliminating the talking back attribute of a child (which if i may add simply comes back at a later age) you are eliminating their imaginativ thoughts and leaving them thinking along the lines of right and wrong, many of us don't realise that beside yes and no there is one more answer.
mu. it is an ancient saying that means for one to Un ask the question. it implies that the question cannot be answered and/or that it is up for discussion.

teachers in a class often come to the conclusion that if you are looking at them then you are paying attention and they try to enforce this a lot, they think that is the student is looking elsewhere they are not listening. tell me does a blind man not hear what you are saying? does a deaf man not see your actions?

now i must come to the point that our schooling systems are biased.
all of us like to think that we don't support bias opinions but in saying that we are being biased by having a support against being biased. we are all biased to some degree and this is thanks to the ideas that are drilled into us as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, by our family, by our friends, by our culture, by our religion and by the simple way others dress in the street there really are infinite ways in which we are being brought up and raised to believe in one thing rather than another, the source of our opinions is practically from everything you encounter and because as individuals we all encounter different things throughout our lives we sometimes disagree with the support of one idea. eg; western civilisation sees cults and sacrificial rituals as wrong and inhumane however in many countries they have been doing it for thousands of years its simply part of life for them, the equivalent of wearing shoes for us.

well that is all on the topic of education it would be confusing if i started writing about human nature and human aspects at this time so ill leave it for a while.
please feel free to comment and discuss this because these are simply my thoughts and discussions over thoughts is the best way to learn!